Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

[AlanLa]

Forget the ten ox herding pictures. Ten is way to many for today's modern busy body-mind. No, come hear how to do Zen Buddism in just three, that's right, THREE easy steps. Okay? Ready for the quick and easy road to personal enlightenment? Read on!!!!!!!

Step 1:Understand that the brain, what we call our mind, is in the business of generating thoughts.

Step 2: Instead of generating thoughts, train your mind via zazen to watch thoughts. So, instead of being a thought generator you become a thought watcher.

Step 3: Drop the watcher.

At the conclusion of step 3 you will experience emptiness!

Call now for personal instruction and spiritual guidance through this "easy" three step process. And if you call in the next ten minutes you will get FREE the added bonus of Tibetan Buddhism in five easy steps (it is a bit more complicated). Operators are standing by.

Paypal gladly accepted.

Void where prohibited by law.

:twisted:

[chicanobudista]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

you forgot step 4!


Step 4 - Profit!
:mrgreen:

[Jundo]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

I have heard of Zen in one easy step (off a hundred foot pole) ... and in 'not two' steps ... and "like the foot before and the foot behind in walking" steps ...

All the same really. :twisted:

[AlanLa]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

I have heard of Zen in one easy step (off a hundred foot pole) ... and in 'not two' steps ... and "like the foot before and the foot behind in walking" steps ...

All the same really. :twisted:

Consumers, don't be fooled by imitators with quick enlightenment schemes. JundoCorp offers a one-step process off a 100-foot pole. Clearly, there is a product safety hazard here! And JundoCorp's NOT two step process? What is that? Not-two? Sounds like fraud to me.

No, there is only one TRUE way to Zen Buddhist peace and enlightenment, and that way can be yours!

No credit, no problem. We offer easy payment plans.

Due to consumer demand, sale prices on my patented three-step process have been extended. And, if you buy one three step method you get a patch of Pure Land Buddhism free. Yes, that's right, your own patch of Pure land FREE!

(Oh, and just to be fair, JundoCorp's insta-zazen is a fine product)

:roll:

[chicanobudista]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

Consumers, don't be fooled by imitators with quick enlightenment schemes. JundoCorp offers a one-step process off a 100-foot pole. Clearly, there is a product safety hazard here!

I hoid that the Jundo guy is adding now the Slap Chop to his product. Sh....foggetaboutit!
:mrgreen:

[JohnsonCM]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

Before i buy, i've got a few questions......

If I'm no longer generating these thoughts, whose thoughts am i watching? I mean, am I going to get arrested for being an esoteric "peeping Tom"?

And what guarantees does your company have on the rate of return of your product? How can I be sure that the whole time I'm waiting for my karma check, you haven't already "Madoff" (pun intended) with my enlightenment and are watching the thoughts of some coconut clad Polynesian girl???

[AlanLa]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

What? Huh? I'm sorry, my mind is too busy generating thoughts of coconut clad polynesian girls :shock:

[disastermouse]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

What? Huh? I'm sorry, my mind is too busy generating thoughts of coconut clad polynesian girls :shock:

And mine has progressed to un-clad polynesian girls...

Chet

[Jundo]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

What? Huh? I'm sorry, my mind is too busy generating thoughts of coconut clad polynesian girls :shock:

And mine has progressed to un-clad polynesian girls...

Chet

Yes, and they are having dreams of this ...

viewtopic.php?p=31644#p31644

:roll:

[AlanLa]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

Okay, enough with the girls already. On with the questions:

If I'm no longer generating these thoughts, whose thoughts am i watching?

I didn't say you stopped generating thoughts in step 2, just that you can train yourself (whatever that is) to start watching the thoughts that you generate. As for watching someone else's thoughts, apparently Jundo was watching those polynesian girls'. I'm thinking how to watch someone else's thoughts could be a whole new product line.

And what guarantees does your company have on the rate of return of your product?

There are no guarantees. Buyer beware. I can only sell you on the process, the results you get are up to you. But psst, let me tell you a secret... the key ingredient to make the whole thing work is faith. Faith in the process, faith in yourself, faith in Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. Yup, that's all there is to it.

[Jundo]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

There are no guarantees. Buyer beware. I can only sell you on the process, the results you get are up to you. But psst, let me tell you a secret... the key ingredient to make the whole thing work is faith. Faith in the process, faith in yourself, faith in Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. Yup, that's all there is to it.

No loss, no gain. This product adds nothing to your life, nor takes anything away. It does not clean mirrors, because there is not place for dust to alight. It keeps polishing nonetheless.

A lifetime guarantee. But if we get it wrong, there may be endless "returns" in lifetimes to come. :?

[Dosho]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

Wow, that's a great deal! Sign me up!

BTW, I have a deal on a water spanning structure in a borough of New York City that just might be deeply discounted....but only if you act now!

Operators are not standing by as they are currently sitting in very nice office chairs.

Gassho,
Dosho

[chicanobudista]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

Feeling tired.
Not feeling like your old self.
Not enough pep in that zafu.

You need:

BuddhaJuice!


It will keep your erect for hours.....in your zafu...that is.

[SunnyP]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

LOL :lol:

[AlanLa]

Re: Zen Buddhism in three easy steps

Just to clarify, the "easy" three step process is guaranteed. It has a lifetime guarantee, as Jundo said. But your results with that process are not guaranteed, because you have to become part of the process. You get into it what you get out of it. So you need to have courage and take action within that process over time.