Friends and family...

[SunnyP]

Re: Friends and family...

mum21andtwins, said

"same here too it like so many aspects of our lives that peope here look strangly at (home educating breastfeeding homebirth) unless they ask its not worth the hassle usually"

Hi mum21and twins,

I have already caught all sorts of drama over home educating my step daughter. I would imagine it would be about the same reaction from all of them because they are all devout Christians. So in the mean time, i will keep it between my husband and I.

Thank you,
Paula

[disastermouse]

Re: Friends and family...

When I started, I just flat out told people - pretty much everybody. Everyone was aware of it and I was completely unashamed about it. The few people in my family who had trips - I just ignored it completely.

It's only later now that I've mellowed out enough to soften it for my family...although after talking with my mom about life, death, and everything one night recently, she asked, 'where does that wisdom come from in you?'. I said, 'Because I'm Buddhist, mom.'

Chet

[mum21andtwins]

Re: Friends and family...

oh the drama one can get because of home education ridiculous :roll:

When I started, I just flat out told people - pretty much everybody. Everyone was aware of it and I was completely unashamed about it. The few people in my family who had trips - I just ignored it completely.

Its not about shame though (at least not for me) Whenever there is something my relatives disagree with it will be brought up again and again and again. there is only so many times you can pass the beandip before it starts to affect me or hubby or the kids. so when there are things like this that I know will put those people into aggresive argumenting mode (which really is "I am right you are wrong amd I will carry on until I see blue and you agree with me mode" ) more I just don't bring it up because its not worth the hassle it brings me.

[T.L.Wolf]

Re: Friends and family...

The woman who shares my life does not share the Dharma, she could not care less and all is well. Could not be better.

Fifteen years ago, my wife introduced me to the dharma path by asking me one simple question: "Why do you feel the need to do that?"
While the "that" is unimportant to this story, her question triggered a chain of thought that made me think about why, taking me down, down, down, all the way to the root of "that". When I finally saw it, I felt foolish for laboring with it for so long, making it easy to let go of. And while I am still endlessly digging for the roots of "thats" both ancient and recent, I will never forget her first question that put the shovel in my hand. I consider her to be one of my greatest teachers. She is incredibly supportive of my practice and a wonderful model for living in the here and now.
Funny thing is, she isn't a Buddhist. Never was, has no desire to be, rolls her eyes if she even thinks I'm going to speak about dharma. She's never even read the liner notes in any of the hundred plus books I've collected on Buddhism. She just...is, and I still haven't figured out how. HA!

On the flip side, having been raised Pentecostal Christian (to the unwashed not in the know, think Catholic with more rules and a mystical twist) and the son of a minister, I don't bring it up. There was a time when I would have relished the look on my mother's face (yes, a female preacher) as I systematically drilled holes in each and every point of dogma and theology she holds dear...that is, until I asked myself "why". What would be the point? It would speak more of my own hang-ups to do so.
Thus I heard Taigu say:

The root of it all is the idea that what we see as our reality, what we believe in applies everywhere to everybody, everybody should see as we see, practice as we practice. We all have to be very careful with that one: in the name of truth, anybody can turn into a religious terrorist. Religions as institutions and groups live on this mind. Religions give people the opportunity to play with the most dangerous toys: hopes and fears.

At the end of the day, we all take certain things on faith. Even Buddhists.
Gassho, T

[disastermouse]

Re: Friends and family...

oh the drama one can get because of home education ridiculous :roll:

When I started, I just flat out told people - pretty much everybody. Everyone was aware of it and I was completely unashamed about it. The few people in my family who had trips - I just ignored it completely.

Its not about shame though (at least not for me) Whenever there is something my relatives disagree with it will be brought up again and again and again. there is only so many times you can pass the beandip before it starts to affect me or hubby or the kids. so when there are things like this that I know will put those people into aggresive argumenting mode (which really is "I am right you are wrong amd I will carry on until I see blue and you agree with me mode" ) more I just don't bring it up because its not worth the hassle it brings me.

Everyone's situation is different. I just did my own thing (punk rock, skateboarding, drinking and pot) in my junior year of HS and so...I just basically laid down the law as relates to me...so I had a very 'I'm Buddhist, go fuck yourself' attitude.

Chet

[Tb]

Re: Friends and family...

Hi.

Little late due to new work and livingsituation (may i should post in the "i'm still here thread"...).

I've been a "buddhist" for over 2 decades, so for me to take the step into the the jukai and "formal buddhistry" wasn't that big.
Neither was it for some of my family.
Others one the other hand took it another way, more on the side of "You're not christian!?!"
But i take it cool,not to much fuss.
If anyone asks i tell, but else it's no big deal.

But it's funny to see the "spectacle" i make in one of sweden's most "christianized towns", but it's not all bad, you get some good talks now and then...

Mtfbwy
Fugen

[Shonin]

Re: Friends and family...

For me noone reallly seems to care too much. As it's been a bigger part of my life as of late it often comes up in convos at work or with family. Anyone who has an issue with it knows better than to try to start an argument (while definitely not in line with the teachings of Zen , I have a tendency to tell someone exactly where they can go if they don't like it).

I do overhear snickers while meditating from time to time at work. Sometimes a co-worker, sometimes a customer. With the co-workers it's usually a joke and i'll respond with some horrid statement about the light of Jesus Christ. We laugh and move on. With the customers half the time they think i'm sleeping, just another oddity in their day.

As for fundie christians. Well they act rude to everyone. At least I can read.*shrug*

I do think it's funny to see someone's brain freeze while they compute there are options other than being christian. Before coming to Treeleaf an older woman during the Sun. rush mentioned it was a shame I had to work, because I couldn't go to church. I told her I didn't mind working on Sun. I wasn't christian so it was a pleasure to be there to serve them after their services. She made a comment about how it was sad to hear I didn't have spirituality in my life. She wasn't mean natured at all, but it was obvious that in her eyes, there were only Christians and atheists. So I told her I did have spirituality in my life I just wasn't Christian. She was just confused and dropped it on a good note.

Dave

[disastermouse]

Re: Friends and family...

Hi.

Little late due to new work and livingsituation (may i should post in the "i'm still here thread"...).

I've been a "buddhist" for over 2 decades, so for me to take the step into the the jukai and "formal buddhistry" wasn't that big.
Neither was it for some of my family.
Others one the other hand took it another way, more on the side of "You're not christian!?!"
But i take it cool,not to much fuss.
If anyone asks i tell, but else it's no big deal.

But it's funny to see the "spectacle" i make in one of sweden's most "christianized towns", but it's not all bad, you get some good talks now and then...

Mtfbwy
Fugen

It was my understanding that Sweden and the rest of Scandinavia is becoming more and more agnostic.

Is my understanding wrong? You should SEE what it's like in the rural Southeast U.S.

Chet

[KellyRok]

Re: Friends and family...

Hello all,

In my situation, well not too many people know about me practicing Buddhism. My family (my mom and siblings) knows and are very open and receptive to it. I grew up being forced to go to Catholic Mass every Sunday, but as time went on, my parents began questioning things. My dad studied alot about the Native American and Celtic cultures and eventually gave up going to Church.

My inlaws...well, they are a different story. My Mother-in-Law is very much Christian to the bone and very judgmental of anything outside of her realm of understanding and feelings of security. I haven't told them, but I don't try to hide if from them either. I have Buddhist books in my home and there is a buddha statue in my meditation space as well as in my children's rooms. I guess I'm waiting for them to ask questions. I'm a little bit afraid of the reaction I'm going to get from them. I'll keep you posted if and when that cat gets let out of the bag...so to speak :wink: .

My husband does not practice...well, he doesn't practice anything spiritually, but he is very supportive of me and my practice. He is becoming more and more curious and he asks me a lot of questions that I'm not really sure I can answer yet.

My best friend is very much a Christian, but she has accepted me for who I am...she asks questions out of interest and not judgement. She has even asked me to help her meditate.

I guess I feel that I need to give people a chance to accept it or not. Afterall that is their choice. I don't try to have control over their feelings, I just trust that they will get to know me for me and the rest will work itself out.

Great topic Paula!
Gassho,
Kelly (Jinmei)

[Tb]

Re: Friends and family...

Hi.

Little late due to new work and livingsituation (may i should post in the "i'm still here thread"...).

I've been a "buddhist" for over 2 decades, so for me to take the step into the the jukai and "formal buddhistry" wasn't that big.
Neither was it for some of my family.
Others one the other hand took it another way, more on the side of "You're not christian!?!"
But i take it cool,not to much fuss.
If anyone asks i tell, but else it's no big deal.

But it's funny to see the "spectacle" i make in one of sweden's most "christianized towns", but it's not all bad, you get some good talks now and then...

Mtfbwy
Fugen

It was my understanding that Sweden and the rest of Scandinavia is becoming more and more agnostic.

Is my understanding wrong? You should SEE what it's like in the rural Southeast U.S.

Chet

Hi.

Well, yes and no.
We're more drawn to "extremes", either you're CHRISTIAN or you're NOT!
But more and more folks are drawn towards the NOT!
But those who are'nt are more and more "militaristic" in their beliefs.

Mtfbwy
Fugen

[Shohei]

Re: Friends and family...

Hi Late to the thread!

Key things for me that i learned they may/may not be of any help or use. Not everyone, Family or other, will agree/like/care/understand/ could be assed to listen to what it is your up to when "doing" this wonderful practice. Also exactly what some others said. Don't explain, show. Let your actions show them what your up to. At the same time do not AVOID the conversations and do not hide away to practice. Finally do not give one thought further to what a person thinks of your practice. Thats what i have learned.

Reactions have been varied and my personal attempts to put into words have often moved people in the way i had hoped it would not! (im not very articulate). My wife tells me to sit (lol time out) when im out of sorts and she noticed and comments regularly on the the benifical changes shes witnessed in me since starting on this path/standing in this field. My folks too.

A wonderful coworker here asked me to let jesus in to my heart so i wouldnt go to hell when he came to judge us. She was saying this as a "hail mary" attempt to show me A) the error of my ways and B) doing here damnedest to save my ass as she thought it was saveable and worth saving. I came to see it as a kind gesture. She was genuinely concerned for my well being.

Gassho
Shohei

[Shohei]

Re: Friends and family...

My experience has shown me that 'Living Buddha, Living Christ' has had some moderating effect on my family. For my mom, I just translate Buddhist teachings into the relevant Catholic ones (there are a lot, actually).

After you become a bit more established as a Buddhist, it's easier to speak to others in whatever religious 'language' they use.

Chet

^^ sheesh missed that and I would 100% agree. Worked well here at work when the coversation came up - which it did for awhile, Alot... i do any online sittings here due to networking constraints at home, and so a few times i would take the afternoon off and participate in what ever (last years jukai for example,) in my office and one wall is glass so i had a few spectators. anywho i ramble on.
Thanks Chet very good advice there.

Gassho
Shohei

[SunnyP]

Re: Friends and family...

Hi Everyone,

Wow, this has been a great thread. Thank you all for your input, it has been very helpful for me.

Paula

[Hoko]

Re: Friends and family...

Everyone has given such great advice! I am not sure what more I could add; but let me give it a shot.

Like all of you, I have my own experiences with supporters and detractors and as I am an orthodontist who treats children in a primarily Christian suburb, my business would likely suffer if I went around waving the "Buddhist flag" in everyone's face.
How I dress, how I act, the decor of my facilities and whether or not I show up at the big "mega-church" every Sunday all have an impact on the growth of my practice.
We cannot deny the importance of our public image even as we struggle to break apart the everlasting ego.
I wear the "mask" I wear because it is lucrative and well received but I assure you it is just a mask.

But here's the irony: the more Zen Buddhist I act; the more I "actualize the way" the more people seem to get along with me and enjoy my company. This enhances my business and my business relationships.
So in my experience, I enjoy the fruits of my intentions more when I announce them less.

Here is an interesting excerpt from Buddhist author Jack Kornfield:

We cannot escape the fact of our family background and the wounds it inflicts. Nor can we impose our spiritual ideals on our family. One young woman who had become very involved in our Buddhist practice returned to her parent’s home. She struggled with their Christian Fundamentalism for a time, until she sorted things out. The she sent a letter back to the monastery stating, “My parents hate me when I’m a Buddhist, but they love me when I’m a Buddha.” This is our task: to awaken the Buddha in facing our family karma.

So Paula, I am risking the big cliche here, but I would tell you to find the Middle Way between hiding your pursuit and flaunting it.
You stand to gain little from either extreme. Not that gaining is your goal, of course! :wink:

Finally I would point out that we are all very fortunate to have this amazing experiment of Jundo's to enjoy.
Treeleaf Zendo affords us the chance to interact with like-minded people and to have experiences we would otherwise never obtain.
If you want to create good karma, write the man a thank you e-mail if the inspiration strikes!

Gassho,
-K2

[SunnyP]

Re: Friends and family...

Hi K2,

Thank you very much for your post. I am just taking all this knowledge and just living day to day. I am not looking to put anyone in my life in an uproar, i am on a path for myself. What they think is unimportant and the people that do matter the most to me know and are accepting of my decision. Thank you, again

Paula