Rakusu at formal occasions

[Guest]

One thing I know is that I know nothing about the formal customs there. I understand the anxiety and not wanting to appear disrespectful. Luckily it's not some complicated thing you have to do, or perform, it's just what you're wearing, so I think you'll be fine When navigating in unfamiliar social terrain, it's exactly your attitude of careful respect that will get you through!

Social advice from a socially inept bumbler. Take it for what it's worth! $00.02

Gassho
Byōkan
sat + lah

p.s. when in doubt, button up your jacket and hide everything!

As one socially inept bumbler to another, your words are very much appreciated, as is your compliments regarding my effort in sewing the rakusu.

Overall, my wife's family (my family now too I suppose), are pretty cool, and they've gotten used to their oddball gaijin son in law who sits about facing the wall is left to his own devices for too long.

About three years ago now her mother, realising my interest in Soto zen, got me an invitation to go and visit a local Soto temple near their house https://kitabiwako.jp/spot/spot_2314, and has always been positive about it all.

I think it's probably ok since I did explicitly ask, but since it's easy for me to miss social cues, I find it best to be a bit more straightforward even in a Japanese context where a certain amount of mind reading is often required. They'll all be wearing the wagesa/hangesa I imagine, since I think the whole family are Jodo shu, so I'll stand out on two counts so it's really important not to give the impression of sloppiness.

Thanks again for your thoughts

Gassho
Myojin

[Jundo]

Well, if you are gonna go fancy, I think you need to go REALLY fancy! Maybe one of these?

They will also set you back about $300.00 each I think

By the way, the name "Funzo-e." the kind of Kesa sewn from old Kimono gifted by Taigu, actually means literally "Sh*t Cloth."

Gassho, Jundo Stlah

[Byokan]

Gassho
Byōkan
sat + lah

[Guest]

Well, if you are gonna go fancy, I think you need to go REALLY fancy! Maybe one of these?

They will also set you back about $300.00 each I think

By the way, the name "Funzo-e." the kind of Kesa sewn from old Kimono gifted by Taigu, actually means literally "Sh*t Cloth."

Gassho, Jundo Stlah

Um….maybe not one of those, I wouldn’t want to upstage the presiding cleric! I don’t want to excuse any sort of acquisitiveness around Buddhist ‘twigs and leaves’, that would be to miss the point entirely, and I have much more philosophical and aesthetic affinity for the nyoho-e robes. Although that brocade would be nice for lining my Okesa case….

Perhaps it’s a self confidence or social anxiety issue, but it’s more my wondering if my decidedly unprofessional stitching might raise eyebrows, whilst very much wanting to wear the Rakusu at appropriate times since it’s expected and whole point is to wear it.

I’m not about to try to explain a funzo-e to the in-laws in my broken Japanese 🤣, that really would cause a stir.

Gassho

Myojin

[Jundo]

...
Perhaps it’s a self confidence or social anxiety issue,...

Myojin, as you well know, most of Japanese culture is BUILT on social anxiety, and their endless fretting on exactly the right things to do or wear for this event or another, what exactly proper words with what level of politeness will not cause insult, what level of bow is not too little or too much ...

In forty years here, I have realized that, when it comes to us "barbarians" they are very forgiving and simply amazed when we remember to take our shoes off entering the house, and don't wear the toilet slippers in the parlor.

You will be fine.

I am reminded of my mentor, the wonderful female priest Jiho Sargent, who lived in Japan for decades, went through strict training at the Nisodo Japanese women's monastery as about the only foreigner, and was assistant priest at a local Soto temple in Tokyo. Sometimes the head priest would get busy, and send her out "solo" to perform memorial services for a deceased grandpa at the temple parishioners homes. Jiho would show up in formal robes, speak eloquent Japanese with exactly the correct level of politeness, then perform a moving ceremony flawlessly, with all bells and drums, in 13th Century arcane Buddhist language that none of the witnesses could even begin to understand. All would be moved.

Afterwards, the family would invite her for lunch ...

... then be amazed that she, a westerner, knew how to use chopsticks.

tsuku.jpg

You will be fine.

Here (you don't need it, but some of the other leafer's may find very interesting) is one of the many videos on "How To" a Japanese funeral ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4mJaffo2TE

... and another video on the special way to do the incense for Jodo folks ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B75pCD160EU

Frankly, if you did everything as carefully and slowly as in the above incense video, the funeral will take 2 days, and the family will wonder what the heck is wrong with you.

Of course, if you mess up any of this ... your family will lose face for 7 generations, and your wife will need to leave Japan.

(just kidding)

The wonderful 1980's Itami Juzo movie "Funeral/Soshiki" has a scene about watching one of these "How To" videos ... So good (switch on the subtitles). One of the jokes, missed a bit by the subtitles, is the intricate, entangled grammar of politeness that is being taught.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5Uu7eSpWsU

Gassho, Jundo