Zen of change

[johns]

My 30 year old daughter and my only child has begun the next step of her life journey, living on her own, for now, in Hawaii. I have been overcome with emotion, and find my thoughts constantly wandering back in time to her childhood. She and I have always been close. I feel with my reaction that I have somehow failed in my Zen practice. I think I should be accepting it as it is, that this is the flow of life. And yet, instead I find myself crying often. How should I be better applying my Zen? I also ask metta for her and my wife and myself.

Gassho

John

SatTodayLAH

[Tai Shi]

John I can relate with this as my daughter finishes her PhD this year and enters her next stage as tenure track Professor of Japanese and I as parent worry can we be sure that we are there for her because we are old and might die ah bye for now
Gassho
sat/ lah


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Shinshi]

Zen doesn't mean no emotional response. Equanimity in Zen is to accept things as they are. Your emotion is something that exists. You might entertain the idea that your emotional response as perfect as it is.

Thich Nhat Hanh says when conditions are sufficient - things arise. Your current conditions are such that these emotions arise. The are perfect as they are. If you start judging them, say by being attached to the idea that you should not have such emotions, that is where duḥkha lives. If you try to hold on to the emotions, dukkha lives there too.

So I would say let the emotions arise as they will, and then let them go.

Just my .02 - please keep in mind I am just a priest in training. Someone more knowledgeable will come along sooner or later.

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Onki]

Zen of change

Hi John,

Thank you so much for sharing with us about your daughter moving. I can no doubt imagine the emotions that you may be feeling right now. This sounds bittersweet in a way. On the one hand you’re going to miss her deeply, but on the other hand, look how much she has grown, how much she is willing to go off on her own adventure.

Despite how you feel, this does not make your Practice null. On the contrary, you are full of feelings and emotions right now about your only child moving away. Possibly feelings of sadness, loss, and wishing you could time travel back to a time you both cherished together. Now, she is all grown up and starting a new chapter in her life as well as you beginning a new chapter in your life. Would you be willing to sit with how you are currently feeling? Sit with whatever comes up. Try not to judge it. Let it linger and wash over you. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to be upset, be upset.

As we know in Buddhism and Reality, there is impermanence and constant change. Nothing lasts forever. Our memories we can cherish and create new ones.

Have you had a chance to speak to your daughter about how you are feeling? Maybe let her know how much you love her and how much you’re going to miss her. Let her know that you will always be a supportive dad to her.

Gasshō,

On

Sat today/LAH

[Risho]

Lots of good posts here. This is also a form of passing, of death, and it warrants mourning. I think zen has made me feel more comforrable just crying or feeling whatever I feel rather than trying to stuff it down. In my opinion, you must be an amazing father to have so much feeling for your daughter.

gassho

rish
-stlah

[Jundo]

My 30 year old daughter and my only child has begun the next step of her life journey, living on her own, for now, in Hawaii. I have been overcome with emotion, and find my thoughts constantly wandering back in time to her childhood. She and I have always been close. I feel with my reaction that I have somehow failed in my Zen practice. I think I should be accepting it as it is, that this is the flow of life. And yet, instead I find myself crying often. How should I be better applying my Zen? I also ask metta for her and my wife and myself.

Gassho

John

SatTodayLAH

Accepting things as they are means that we sometimes grieve at loss and change, for it is natural and human to do so. Accept the grieving, accept being sad. Acceptance and embracing conditions does not equal uncaring numbness!

I wonder how the Buddha's parents felt when the Buddha (then just Siddhartha ... or just "Sid" to family and friends ) moved out of the house, quit school and became a hippy?

In any case, you have two powers that even the Buddha did not have for all his spiritual achievements. What? The ability to see and communicate across vast oceans (via Zoom ), the power to fly through the sky (with Delta, including a meal and movie. )

Gassho J

stlah

[Jishin]

Modified serenity prayer from AA:

“May I have the mindfulness to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things within my power,And the wisdom to see the impermanence of all things.”

Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

[Jundo]

Modified serenity prayer from AA:

“May I have the mindfulness to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things within my power,And the wisdom to see the impermanence of all things.”

Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

[Chikyou]

Zen doesn't mean no emotional response. Equanimity in Zen is to accept things as they are. Your emotion is something that exists. You might entertain the idea that your emotional response as perfect as it is.

Thich Nhat Hanh says when conditions are sufficient - things arise. Your current conditions are such that these emotions arise. The are perfect as they are. If you start judging them, say by being attached to the idea that you should not have such emotions, that is where duḥkha lives. If you try to hold on to the emotions, dukkha lives there too.

So I would say let the emotions arise as they will, and then let them go.

Just my .02 - please keep in mind I am just a priest in training. Someone more knowledgeable will come along sooner or later.

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

Gassho,
SatLah
Chikyō

[Kaitan]

Modified serenity prayer from AA:

“May I have the mindfulness to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things within my power,And the wisdom to see the impermanence of all things.”

Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

I used to say the serenity prayer after sitting, thanks for sharing this version. And thank you everyone for the comments.

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan

[johns]

Thank you all for your responses and compassion. I am grateful for all of you.

Gassho

John

SatTodayLAH