Opposites thinking

[Do Mi]

I am trying to address what seems to be a lifetime pattern of opposites thinking--good/bad--that I notice as I navigate various psychological issues. My judgements of myself as good or bad...sometimes my inability to accept myself and others as complex beings...this all gets in the way of being present and of service.

I've worked on this in various ways over the years, including reassuring myself that I am good. Now with Dharma practice I have glimpses of the boundless field where there is no good or bad, and possibilities for softening or widening this pattern.

And I'm frustrated that these patterns of judgement are continuing. For instance, I felt depressed and stuck the other day and realized that one source was that I was overwhelmed by tasks not done and had judged myself as "bad," which then made it harder to actually do the tasks, sending me into a spiral. I have also noticed as I process my difficult relationship with my mother, who died seven years ago, that it's easier for me to set up barriers against the ways she hurt me than to allow myself to remember her admirable qualities as well. Again, good or bad instead of real human complexity.

Ideas for practicing with this koan?

Many gasshos,

Do Mi
sat and lah

[Jishin]

Some of the things I think and do are choices I make, and some just happen on their own. Like, I decide to read a book (that's a choice), but I might suddenly feel hungry (that just happens). When I focus on the choices I have, like deciding to smile or thanking someone, I can often start to feel better. It's like using the steering wheel in my mind to drive towards good feelings.

Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

[Tai Shi]

Opposites thinking

Instead of good or bad things I will feel my heart go to intuition. I may have been attracted to one solution or another but what is it when I choose a third one? Intuition lets me make an educated guess or hunch that brings everything together; all my faculties are engaged bringing about neither good nor bad but creative with all of me.
Gassho
sat/lah


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[Jundo]

I am trying to address what seems to be a lifetime pattern of opposites thinking--good/bad--that I notice as I navigate various psychological issues. My judgements of myself as good or bad...sometimes my inability to accept myself and others as complex beings...this all gets in the way of being present and of service.

I've worked on this in various ways over the years, including reassuring myself that I am good. Now with Dharma practice I have glimpses of the boundless field where there is no good or bad, and possibilities for softening or widening this pattern.

And I'm frustrated that these patterns of judgement are continuing. For instance, I felt depressed and stuck the other day and realized that one source was that I was overwhelmed by tasks not done and had judged myself as "bad," which then made it harder to actually do the tasks, sending me into a spiral. I have also noticed as I process my difficult relationship with my mother, who died seven years ago, that it's easier for me to set up barriers against the ways she hurt me than to allow myself to remember her admirable qualities as well. Again, good or bad instead of real human complexity.

Ideas for practicing with this koan?

Many gasshos,

Do Mi
sat and lah

Well, one central practice we undertake, Do Mi, as medicine for this, is to sit Zazen with radical trust that all things, beings, people, moments are just as they are, and sacred as they are ... us included. As Suzuki Roshi famously said to students, "You are all perfect as you are, but can (still) use a little work." We can still work to improve ourselves, help others, wish other folks were better, try to fix problems while radically ALSO accepting all just as they are, and honoring what they are, bowing to them as sacred as they are.

The dharma field is not merely something without good or bad, but a kind of Good and Whole which holds all little human and earthly good and bad. We all share of such Buddha Nature, even if harder to see in some of us sometimes.

We realize too that we all are prisoners of human weaknesses and faults to one degree or another ... even as we try to improve what we can. There are few saints. Bow to mom, realize that things were complex, let her go now ... bow to the scars, but also do not wallow in them.

As a fellow procrastinator, I can relate: When caught in a spiral of self-defeating thoughts like that, I find it helpful to (1) drop the thoughts away, as we do in Shikantaza, (2) even replace them with opposite thoughts ... even convincing oneself like an actor playing the part of someone more positive ... which actually turns one into such a person who feels that, and (3) get going, because usually once one begins a project it gets moving, then done, and I feel better about it.

Sorry to run long.

Gassho, Jundo

stlah

PS - Pardon if I asked this before: Is Do Mi your actual human name? We ask that folks around here sign with a human name (or Dharma Name if having Jukai), not an internet handle, as it helps keep things warmer and more human around here.

[Tai Shi]

Gassho Jundo
sat/lah
Tai Shi
calm poetry


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[Do Mi]

Thank you, Jishin! I'll try it, focusing on the choices I have in the moment.

Gassho,

Do Mi
Sat and lah

[Do Mi]

Ooh, Tai Shi, this is quite wonderful. Thank you!

Do Mi
Sat and lah

[Do Mi]

Dear Jundo,

Thank you for your so helpful response. Always, that boundless field is even bigger than my small mind conceives..

Bow to the scars. That is very powerful right now.

I can't remember if I explained my name before! It is my dharma name from the Kwan Um school, given to me when I received the five precepts at age 18. In that school you receive dharma name and kasa (rakusu) with the first five precepts. Everyone who takes precepts at the same time has the same first syllable. Dharma names are not usually used for address, but at a low point in my life (and at the zen master's suggestion) I began using it as my name. When I left the practice I did not change my name back, and I've been going by Do Mi for the past forty years! So there you go!

In gassho,

Do Mi
Sat and lah

[Jundo]

I can't remember if I explained my name before! It is my dharma name from the Kwan Um school, given to me when I received the five precepts at age 18. In that school you receive dharma name and kasa (rakusu) with the first five precepts. Everyone who takes precepts at the same time has the same first syllable. Dharma names are not usually used for address, but at a low point in my life (and at the zen master's suggestion) I began using it as my name. When I left the practice I did not change my name back, and I've been going by Do Mi for the past forty years! So there you go!

[Do Mi]

It means "Path of Beauty"

[Kaitan]

I am trying to address what seems to be a lifetime pattern of opposites thinking--good/bad--that I notice as I navigate various psychological issues. My judgements of myself as good or bad...sometimes my inability to accept myself and others as complex beings...this all gets in the way of being present and of service.

I've worked on this in various ways over the years, including reassuring myself that I am good. Now with Dharma practice I have glimpses of the boundless field where there is no good or bad, and possibilities for softening or widening this pattern.

And I'm frustrated that these patterns of judgement are continuing. For instance, I felt depressed and stuck the other day and realized that one source was that I was overwhelmed by tasks not done and had judged myself as "bad," which then made it harder to actually do the tasks, sending me into a spiral. I have also noticed as I process my difficult relationship with my mother, who died seven years ago, that it's easier for me to set up barriers against the ways she hurt me than to allow myself to remember her admirable qualities as well. Again, good or bad instead of real human complexity.

Ideas for practicing with this koan?

Many gasshos,

Do Mi
sat and lah

Hi Do Mi,

The feeling of judgment, frustration and burnout is my everyday's bread. I don't know a way to "fix it", but I found Tonglen as an excellent practice to work with strong emotions and at the same time cultivate compassion. Maybe you can explore it, there are great people in the forum that can guide you.

Gasshō

stlah

Bernal

[Do Mi]

Thank you so much, Bernal. I have not tried tonglen yet, but it sounds powerful.

Gassho,

Do Mi
sat and lah

[Ryumon]

The bodhisattva William Shakespeare summed this up in Hamlet:

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Gassho,
Ryūmon (Kirk)
Sat Lah

[Tai Shi]

As in Oedipus the King, I walked on four feet in morning, two feet at noon, walk on three feet in evening. Thus, predicted for the young King, and yet I did not marry my own mother, found great solace in the woman I have spent my life with. Yet we are not better or worse. "What is the measure of a man?" Let it be in our child.
Gassho
say/lah

[Rich]

I've worked on this in various ways over the years, including reassuring myself that I am good. Now with Dharma practice I have glimpses of the boundless field where there is no good or bad, and possibilities for softening or widening this pattern.

Ideas for practicing with this koan?

Many gasshos,

Do Mi
sat and lah

Wonderful! Glimpses of the boundless field. May your presence and practice strengthen

Sat/lah


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