Dear All,
It is already the 1st of April here in Japan, the traditional start of the Japanese business fiscal year and, sadly, Treeleaf is in a bit of trouble! Donations are down and, honestly, we are bust, nearly Buddha Bankrupt! (Sorry, our members are really cheap with the Dana sometimes
) For that reason, I have made the executive decision to open a "Zen goods store" like many other Sangha have. On the other hand, rather than compete with them in the truly 'dog-eat-dog' Buddhist supply world, I feel that we need to offer some items beyond the dull, standard sitting cushions, incense and bells. So, I have arranged with factories in China (Zen was originally "Made in China!") for the manufacture of several items (all workers, I am assured, are devoted Buddhists who do not expect to be paid much, and are all over the age of 10), as well as the hosting of our new data mining facility. Here is what we have on offer:
... and if you are coming on our cruise, be sure not to forget our exclusive line of Treeleaf Swimwear, available in speedo and bikini ...
So, I hope that you will all BUY A-LOT of all our Buddhist junk. To tell you the true story, I borrowed a bit of money from some really scary guys, due to my spending too much time playing with your donations in the "Zen Casino." They tell me that I have only until the end of this month, April, to pay them back ... call me a FOOL! An April Fool! (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_Fools'_Day)
Please HELP save old ME and TREELEAF! (mostly me!)
Gassho, Jundo
stlah
April Bikini.jpgApril Cruise.jpgApril DogenToken.jpgApril EroticToy.jpgApril JundoFu.jpgApril Rakusu T-Shirt.jpgApril Wearable Zafu.jpg
It is already the 1st of April here in Japan, the traditional start of the Japanese business fiscal year and, sadly, Treeleaf is in a bit of trouble! Donations are down and, honestly, we are bust, nearly Buddha Bankrupt! (Sorry, our members are really cheap with the Dana sometimes
) For that reason, I have made the executive decision to open a "Zen goods store" like many other Sangha have. On the other hand, rather than compete with them in the truly 'dog-eat-dog' Buddhist supply world, I feel that we need to offer some items beyond the dull, standard sitting cushions, incense and bells. So, I have arranged with factories in China (Zen was originally "Made in China!") for the manufacture of several items (all workers, I am assured, are devoted Buddhists who do not expect to be paid much, and are all over the age of 10), as well as the hosting of our new data mining facility. Here is what we have on offer: - DOGEnCOIN, or as we call it, the "$DOGEN TOKEN!" I am assured by our long time member, Sam B. Fried (most of you know him better as "Risho"), that something called "crypto-currency" (I'd never heard of it before) is the next BIG thing, no place to go but UP! These Koan Coins are very mysterious, embodying emptiness in value (it looks like something is there, but actually there's nothing there), and I think all good Soto Zen Buddhists should invest (and get their moms and siblings to invest) heavily in this "timeless" currency. If it goes up in price, remember: "There is nothing to gain." If it crashes, remember: "Nothing can truly be lost." That's what we call, "DOGENOMICS!"
- JUKAI on the FLY! -- The following was recently suggested to me by Kotei who is, honestly, tired of sewing, and never really liked it. This whole "Kesa sewing" thing takes so much time and, we feel, interferes with our pulling in tons of new members to the Sangha, becoming the "Mega-Zendo" we wish to be. Therefore, from now on, rather than sew a Rakusu, we are going to sell these nifty Rakusu T-shirts ... the "Raku-Tee" ... which, for a mere $99.95, come complete with a quick Jukai Ceremony, suitable for busy people who need their PRECEPTS-ON-THE-RUN. No need to take all the Precepts either, and you can choose the ones you like:
- The JUNDOFU Zafu - Master Dogen wrote in Fukanzazengi, "Align the ears with the shoulders, the nose with the navel," but he never said WHOSE ears and nose! This is designed to help posture! My face appears on both sides of the Zafu which, besides letting all our Sangha members feel very close to me, is a guide to sitting position, as you align your shoulders with my ears, your back on top of my nose" ...
- The WEARABLE ZAFU -- Truly be ONE WITH YOUR SITTING (Also, quite lovely for winter wear, and those nights "Netflix and Chillin'" on the sofa) ...
- I need a vacation, and also somebody else to pay for it, so we are announcing our FIRST ANNUAL TREELEAF "ZenCRUISE" to that Buddhist holy spot, TAHITI! Let's BUDDHA-ON-THE-BEACH! Come hang with me and our other Treeleaf Priests! Let's meet over the ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT-TILL-YOU-BUST Buffet (sorry, non-vegetarian), and in the 24-Hour Casino (ultimately, what's the difference between sitting for hours facing the wall, or facing the slots?) Let's ZEN TRANCEnDANCE in the disco, and sit Zazen on the white sands ... enriching our spirts and our tans at the same time! Entertainment will feature two shows by my uncle, Zenny and singer, Leonard Cohen. (Sorry, no private dokusan although I will invite some of you who I like to party with Lenny and me in my deluxe stateroom, the "V.I.P. Zendo").
... and if you are coming on our cruise, be sure not to forget our exclusive line of Treeleaf Swimwear, available in speedo and bikini ...
- Finally, this takes a little explaining: One of our members suggested a line of vibrating "Zazen seat massagers" to help with those long hours of Zazen sittings, hemorrhoids and such. He said that he could get me a real deal on these, as he was retiring from his former rather shady business to seek enlightenment, liquidating inventory. It was only after the shipment arrived, and I pealed off the new label, that I realized that these were not originally made as "Zazen massagers." I should have guessed when he kept asking during Jukai studies about exactly which "positions and fetishes are okay as 'not abusing sexuality.'" Oh well, in any case, we Japanese Buddhists are not celibate, and I have 1000 of these now in stock. Maybe it can help someone's Zen sitting AND their marriage at the same time! Use with caution!
So, I hope that you will all BUY A-LOT of all our Buddhist junk. To tell you the true story, I borrowed a bit of money from some really scary guys, due to my spending too much time playing with your donations in the "Zen Casino." They tell me that I have only until the end of this month, April, to pay them back ... call me a FOOL! An April Fool! (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_Fools'_Day)
Please HELP save old ME and TREELEAF! (mostly me!)
Gassho, Jundo
stlah
April Bikini.jpgApril Cruise.jpgApril DogenToken.jpgApril EroticToy.jpgApril JundoFu.jpgApril Rakusu T-Shirt.jpgApril Wearable Zafu.jpg
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