Self-care and living for the benefit of all Sentient Beings

[Uran]

Hello dear Sangha,

There is a topic that I haven't seen come up yet that I think about a lot - balancing self-care with living for the benefit of all sentient beings and lending a hand.

I am a person who cares for others so much that it has been challenging for me to take enough care of myself. I have gotten much better at prioritizing self-care and I would love to hear other people's thoughts about finding a balance between living for the benefit of all sentient beings and refilling one's own cup.

With gratitude,

Gassho,

Aimee
sattoday

[Jundo]

Yes, balance.

That balance is fluid, case by case, day by day, so hard to offer a hard and fast rule. But one need not sacrifice oneself and one's own bodily and mental health (ultimately, no good for everyone) with care for others.

You need to strike that balance, but hard to say where. Even the Buddha and Dogen did not actively teach and preach 24/7/365. They also took a little non-self "me time."

Gassho, J

stlah

[Chikyou]

This is something I've been thinking about as well lately. As someone who has spent many years feeling as though I'm not worthy/deserving of care and compassion, it's been a journey.

I have taken up practicing self-compassion and self-gratitude as a regular part of my practice.

We vow to save ALL sentient beings, not to "save all sentient beings except for me because I don't deserve it". I remind myself daily that I too am a sentient being who needs compassion.

When I recite the meal Gatha "I receive this food in gratitude to ALL BEINGS who helped bring it to my table..." I remind myself that I am one of the beings who brought it to my table (literally, I carried it over here!)

When we chant the metta verses, we start with ourselves.

Buddhism has a fantastic way of shoving our own humanity down our throats. (EDIT on reflection, this may have come across as disrespectful; I say it with the highest appreciation!)

Sorry to run long
Gassho,
SatLah
Kelly

[Bion]

I would normally not comment if Jundo has already replied, but in this case, I feel it’s just an observation based on personal experience.
To me, it’s important that we remain aware there is really no self and others to distinguish between. I say REMAIN AWARE, because I feel it is a continuous exercise, a conscious choice we make to not return to being blind to that truth.
That, to me, translates to an attitude of “what I do for others, I do for myself and what I do for myself I do for others”. Generosity in that way, whether that means giving our time, attention, care, money, support etc to others, becomes easy and natural. I think we taint that natural generosity with expectations: “I do this cause I hope for that outcome, that kind of reaction or gratitude” and when it doesn’t happen the way I expect it to, I draw a hard line between myself and others.
In my experience, we need to nurture that generosity that comes from compassion and wisdom, and wisdom knows that there is no self to exclude or others to include into our generosity. That means I extend to myself the same compassion I extend to others, and vice-versa. Like Jundo says: moderation and the Middle Way.

Sorry for rambling


[emoji1374] Sat Today

[michaelw]

Lions Roar covered burn out back in August.

https://www.lionsroar.com/i-vow-not-to-burn-out/

I loved the extract from the the poem “Bodhisattva Vows” by Albert Saijo.

Gassho
Michael W

sat

[Kokuu]

Hi Aimee

When I think about self-care and the dharma, several things come to mind for me:

1. In both metta practice and tonglen (taking and sending), the first stage of the practice involves sending metta to yourself. As I often remind people during the Sunday tonglen sit, *you* are one of the sentient beings that you vow to save. Leaving yourself out would be to miss a very important sentient being! I have also heard a number of teachers describe the opening 'self' stage of these practices as akin to the airplane safety announcement of putting your own oxygen mask on before helping others.

2. There is a Buddhist parable about a merchant who has built up a store of gold and decides to give it away to good causes. Whenever people come to ask him for money, he gives them some and, predictably, soon all of the gold is gone and he is longer able to help anyone. Although this is ostensibly about money, the meaning is clearly deeper in terms of bodhisattva action. Taking the bodhisattva vow does not just mean helping everyone who asks. If we did that we would soon be like the man with the gold but with our emotional state rather than our supply of money being empty. Self-care ensures that we can replenish our own reserves of energy so that we can continue to help others. Burning out leaves us unable to help anyone.

A similar question people ask is whether meditating is selfish in that you could be using the time to help others. It is a similar answer in terms of giving yourself space just to be, and not to attain goals or achieve anything, a time to get off of the treadmill. Jundo often says that in a culture promoting success and achievements, a practice which sets aside all judgements and goals is the most radical practice of all.


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

[Uran]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

You know what's funny? I thought I was posting this to be of service to others who might be having trouble finding balance, but the very day I posted this I found myself in tears trying to juggle being of service to my mom, my neighbor, and my friend... all while falling behind at work. So it turns out it really is me who is looking for balance.

With so much gratitude,

Gassho,
Aimee
sattodaylah