Failed Zen

[Guest]

Over the past three days, my area experienced a major hurricane. Hurricanes, even in my advanced years, always trigger anxiety in me. I tried to do zazen, I did one 10 min sit, and even that was agitated. My mind was too and fro, stormy as the weather was outside. I feel I failed miserably in my Zen practice, giving in to panic and anxiety. I feel as if perhaps I should let the practice go, as I failed it so terribly in such a moment.

Gassho,

John

Tried to SAT

[Jundo]

Over the past three days, my area experienced a major hurricane. Hurricanes, even in my advanced years, always trigger anxiety in me. I tried to do zazen, I did one 10 min sit, and even that was agitated. My mind was too and fro, stormy as the weather was outside. I feel I failed miserably in my Zen practice, giving in to panic and anxiety. I feel as if perhaps I should let the practice go, as I failed it so terribly in such a moment.

Gassho,

John

Tried to SAT

Hah! I sat some hurricanes in Coconut Creek (Broward Country), roof pulled off the place, broken windows, trees down. Still, not as bad as what you guys just faced!

All I can say is that we sit at the eye of the storm, and the eyewall (with the fasted winds and tornadoes) at once!

You cannot fail Zen!

What you are experiencing is the "fight or flight response" in the medula, the most animal part of the brain! It is natural! Hold a Buddha over a cliff, I promise that he will sweat.

You need to accept and be at peace ... but not only as you think: You need to accept and be at peace with the fact that, sometimes, we are scared crapless and are not at peace. THAT is the "eye of the storm."

Gassho, J

stlah

[JohnS]

Thank you for this, teacher

Gassho,
John

[Tomás ESP]

I am sending you a lot of metta John. It sounds like a tremendous experience. I got anxiety only from reading about it. And though I am sending you much support, I would like to rephrase something you said:

I should let the practice go, as I failed it so terribly in such a moment.

I would switch this statement as: I should let the expectations go, as I failed so terribly in such a moment.

I am aware that this might be a traumatic situation, and your response seems perfectly natural. As Jundo points out, in moments like these our fight or flight response kicks in to protect us. In my view, our own body shows compassion towards us, trying to protect us from harm

In terms of Zen practice, I see it as an opportunity to watch your own mind and see the expectations you carry in terms of how practice should unfold.

Gassho, Tomás
Sat&LaH
Sorry for running long

[Naiko]

Metta, John. It sounds like you responded appropriately to a very stressful and traumatic situation. Please be gentle with your self. After all, we call it practice. I am very anxious for you all and I’m far away; while I sit my mind often goes to worry for Florida friends who haven’t checked in. Peace to you and yours.
Gassho,
Naiko
st lah

[Rich]

Heading back to florida in a couple of weeks to clean up the mess. Heyi felt fear and anxiety and i was 1500 miles away. Just keep practicing and your center will become stronger and waves of fear and anxiety will not move you so much or so far

Sat/lah


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