Zen and grieve

[bakera3312]

Christopher,

I am so sorry for your loss. Much metta to you.

Tony,

[Tai Shi]

All three of us in our little family have face death, but always one of us was there, me for my wife, the two of us for our daughter, my daughter and my wife as I look down that white corridor which we call death. But, on the 11th, I turned 70, when I die there is now plenty of warning, and I am ready at any moment to be swept away. Doctors have warned me it might happen anytime from this moment on. I am as ready as ever I can be, Your father and brother, must have been sudden which stuns us, numbs us. If in the future you find yourself with urge to cry, a memory, a picture, the times that were good are no more. If something triggers you to cry, don't sluff the pain into your own life, let tears flow. Twenty years after my mother's death, one night I soaked a pillow clear through with tears, and still feel the pangs sharp, let yourself feel, let this all now or someday, let the tears come forth. Shall it hurt too much for me to say, you will recover composure, but the flow of things will never be the same. We are there for you read through all these missives. Find comfort among us. metta, metta, much metta.
Gassho
sat/ lah

[6yx]

Thank you all for your kind words, compassion and understanding.

I realized I avoided this thread like I avoid my emotions. I hate and fear how they take over me. Even though all my emotions are always guiding me, it's when they are overpowering.

But to sit with them and let them wash over me may be best. I'll be able to integrate the emotions. Love them... maybe.

I'll look into the book recommendations and reflect upon all the wisdom shared here.

Thank you.
Sat today.

Christopher