Hello everyone,
Apologies in advance for going over three sentences.
I just wanted to share a positive experience I had related to practice. I’ve had bouts of sleep paralysis ever since I was a teenager. Sometimes it starts with a nightmare, other times I simply wake up and find that I can’t move or make a sound. To make things worse, I also have an overpowering sense of terror or dread and I sense that I am in imminent danger. Occasionally this danger manifests itself in the shadows around me during the paralysis in which I feel there is “something” there that wishes me harm. Here’s a link with more information if anyone is curious about sleep paralysis:
Now, the way to break out of the paralysis is to, oddly enough, vocalize and speak. I have this idea, for no rational reason, that if I can just make a sound then I can escape from the paralysis. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful wife who will shake me into wakefulness when I start making such sounds.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago I had a nightmare that evolved into sleep paralysis. I could not move, I could not speak, and I felt that the shadows by the stairs harbored something malevolent. I began to panic, and I started to attempt to move my unresponsive limbs and vocalize. Then I did something that was completely unprompted, I began to count my breaths just like during Zazen. When sitting I often work to count to ten, and when I inevitably fail to do so I will inhale and say to myself “breathing in I come back to my breath”, and then I will exhale and say, “breathing out there is nowhere else to be”. I suddenly began to think this and count my breaths. Every time I would begin to panic, I would stop myself and return back to my breath. I gradually accepted the fact that I could not move, I accepted the fact that I was terribly afraid, and I accepted that the thing by the stairs, which I know does not exist, could do me no harm and there was no need to react. After focusing on my breaths, something happened which has never happened before, I fell back asleep.
I don’t know how often this would work during sleep paralysis. I would describe that particular episode of sleep paralysis as moderate, so I don’t how helpful it will be during episodes that are worse. But for me, the fact that this practice could have such a spontaneous and positive affect off the cushion is humbling.
I’m curious to see how this practice will impact other parts of my life.
Gassho,
Shade
ST
Apologies in advance for going over three sentences.
I just wanted to share a positive experience I had related to practice. I’ve had bouts of sleep paralysis ever since I was a teenager. Sometimes it starts with a nightmare, other times I simply wake up and find that I can’t move or make a sound. To make things worse, I also have an overpowering sense of terror or dread and I sense that I am in imminent danger. Occasionally this danger manifests itself in the shadows around me during the paralysis in which I feel there is “something” there that wishes me harm. Here’s a link with more information if anyone is curious about sleep paralysis:
Now, the way to break out of the paralysis is to, oddly enough, vocalize and speak. I have this idea, for no rational reason, that if I can just make a sound then I can escape from the paralysis. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful wife who will shake me into wakefulness when I start making such sounds.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago I had a nightmare that evolved into sleep paralysis. I could not move, I could not speak, and I felt that the shadows by the stairs harbored something malevolent. I began to panic, and I started to attempt to move my unresponsive limbs and vocalize. Then I did something that was completely unprompted, I began to count my breaths just like during Zazen. When sitting I often work to count to ten, and when I inevitably fail to do so I will inhale and say to myself “breathing in I come back to my breath”, and then I will exhale and say, “breathing out there is nowhere else to be”. I suddenly began to think this and count my breaths. Every time I would begin to panic, I would stop myself and return back to my breath. I gradually accepted the fact that I could not move, I accepted the fact that I was terribly afraid, and I accepted that the thing by the stairs, which I know does not exist, could do me no harm and there was no need to react. After focusing on my breaths, something happened which has never happened before, I fell back asleep.
I don’t know how often this would work during sleep paralysis. I would describe that particular episode of sleep paralysis as moderate, so I don’t how helpful it will be during episodes that are worse. But for me, the fact that this practice could have such a spontaneous and positive affect off the cushion is humbling.
I’m curious to see how this practice will impact other parts of my life.
Gassho,
Shade
ST
It can be very hard to shake that feeling of total dread after waking. 
Comment