I've noticed I have more difficulty bringing myself to sit Zazen on the weekend when I'm not working, and it got me thinking about why that is...
During the week, I get up at 7am, I brush my teeth, shave, sit zazen, then eat breakfast, then start work at 9am. The schedule shifts around a bit (some days I shower before zazen, some days if I wake up particularly tired I eat breakfast before Zazen and let the caffeine kick in) but for the most part I would consider it rather effortless in the sense that it doesn't feel like a mental effort to sit. It's easier to accept that this is all I need to do right now, that now is the time for Zazen.
On the weekend however I might spend several hours aimlessly browsing the internet, and then when I finally do say "it's time for Zazen" it feels like an effort. I find my mind talking about all the other things I should be doing right now instead of Zazen, it becomes much harder to "feel it in my bones" that right now is where I need to be.
It's particularly difficult if I'm committing to sit longer than my usual 30 minutes as I did today when I sat along with Zazenkai. During Zazenkai today it felt like my mind went from "we should be doing something else, we should have started the zazenkai earlier, it's too late in the day now!", and after I continued to sit my mind seemed to shift to "well if we're not doing anything else then we'll be sleepy instead!"
I've been thinking about why this is... And I think it's because during the week the schedule is much stricter, 7-9 is my time for Zazen, eating, and preparing for work. 9-5 is work time, my hour long break during work is for eating and then more Zazen, and then the evening is for whatever happens in the evening. But the weekend is much more open ended (at least in my mind it is) there is no schedule so to speak. And because of that I struggle more.
It's made me appreciate some of the more rigid rituals/schedules in a Monastary, I originally thought that something like that would be limiting, but in some senses it can be liberating. Yet at the same time I also can't rely on someone else setting a strict schedule for me all my life, I have the benefit of having those external schedules during the week that make it easier to embody the right here and right now. And I suppose this is what I need to figure out for my weekend, how to continue to embody this practice on the weekends.
Apologies for going way over...
Evan,
Sat today
During the week, I get up at 7am, I brush my teeth, shave, sit zazen, then eat breakfast, then start work at 9am. The schedule shifts around a bit (some days I shower before zazen, some days if I wake up particularly tired I eat breakfast before Zazen and let the caffeine kick in) but for the most part I would consider it rather effortless in the sense that it doesn't feel like a mental effort to sit. It's easier to accept that this is all I need to do right now, that now is the time for Zazen.
On the weekend however I might spend several hours aimlessly browsing the internet, and then when I finally do say "it's time for Zazen" it feels like an effort. I find my mind talking about all the other things I should be doing right now instead of Zazen, it becomes much harder to "feel it in my bones" that right now is where I need to be.
It's particularly difficult if I'm committing to sit longer than my usual 30 minutes as I did today when I sat along with Zazenkai. During Zazenkai today it felt like my mind went from "we should be doing something else, we should have started the zazenkai earlier, it's too late in the day now!", and after I continued to sit my mind seemed to shift to "well if we're not doing anything else then we'll be sleepy instead!"
I've been thinking about why this is... And I think it's because during the week the schedule is much stricter, 7-9 is my time for Zazen, eating, and preparing for work. 9-5 is work time, my hour long break during work is for eating and then more Zazen, and then the evening is for whatever happens in the evening. But the weekend is much more open ended (at least in my mind it is) there is no schedule so to speak. And because of that I struggle more.
It's made me appreciate some of the more rigid rituals/schedules in a Monastary, I originally thought that something like that would be limiting, but in some senses it can be liberating. Yet at the same time I also can't rely on someone else setting a strict schedule for me all my life, I have the benefit of having those external schedules during the week that make it easier to embody the right here and right now. And I suppose this is what I need to figure out for my weekend, how to continue to embody this practice on the weekends.
Apologies for going way over...
Evan,
Sat today
i know long or short matter not but still I think a routine would help me with this. 
for positive poetry 優婆塞 台 婆
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