Non-attachment to jealousy and anger

[sreed]

Looking for some advice, or a teaching link of Jundo's that will help me drop the anger I feel about a work situation and a boss.
I'm lucky to have a job right now, and I am trying to be grateful for that. But, I am struggling.

Thank you,
-Sara
ST

[Kokuu]

Hi Sara

Sometimes work sucks, and people (especially bosses) suck, and we get angry. That is okay.

As Jundo said in his video this morning about the rubbish tip in his village, all of this is the mind and body of Buddha. It is not something we have to fight or get rid of, even if it feels incredibly unpleasant. It is as much part of life as happiness and excitement. But it is good to learn how to be with it and not act on it. As most of us know, words or actions taken in anger are rarely helpful and often make the situation far worse.

I find that anger is like a fire - if you just let it burn out it will do that before too long, but if you feed it then it can keep going for a much longer time. What I do is just feel the anger without acting on it and then feel it as it lessens. If something stirs it up again I repeat the process. Try not to get into the stories of justification and rightness as they just keep the fire burning.

I am sure that Jundo has wise words to say and probably a video somewhere on the site.

This piece by Thich Nhat Hanh is also one that I like: https://www.lionsroar.com/loosening-the-knots-of-anger/

I hope that your day eases.

Much metta
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[TyZa]

I agree with Kokuu's message. Also, to piggyback off Thich Nhat Hanh recommendations, his small book on Work really helped me out when I had a horrible boss. I will sit with your anger and jealously later today. http://https://www.amazon.com/Work-F.../dp/1937006204

Gassho,
Tyler

SatToday

[Onka]

Hey Sara
In my humble opinion by reflecting on your feelings the situation and the broader employment climate you've already got your answers.
Politically I'm always going to say that bosses suck but sometimes I have found it helpful to look at what's happening in their world. Why are they being bastards? Are they under pressure to keep employees employed at the moment? Are their economic pressures on the business at this time that you aren't fully aware of? Looking more broadly, are they scared of Covid-19? Are there familial pressures that they're unintentionally bringing to work? Are they worried about whether to send their kids to school or not? If not, who will look after them? Have they friends or relatives that are being affected by this virus? So many questions, so many possibilities.
This is in no way intended to negate your feelings or be dismissive of how Covid-19 is affecting you and yours.
I find what works for me as a newer practitioner is what Jundo calls Insta-Zazen. For me Insta-Zazen can be practiced anywhere, any time. It doesn't require anything either, I even do a little Insta-Zazen in the ute if needed. A couple of minutes refocuses me to the interconnectedness of everything.
Be kind to yourself comrade
Gassho
Onka
st

[Jundo]

Hi Sara,

I just second what everyone has said here. It really is pretty simple in theory, even if hard to practice (once the brain starts running away with angry or dark emotions, it often has a mind of its own ... hard to reign in, like a raging bull or screaming monkeys.)

We just say that frustrating moments are "endless opportunities for practice," and that difficult people are "Buddha in disguise" and "our teachers."

Yes, I try a lot of Metta ...

RECOMMENDED DAILY Metta PRACTICE

https://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?6020-RECOMMENDED-DAILY-Metta-PRACTICE

... replanting seeds ...

RECOMMENDED DAILY Nurturing Seeds PRACTICE

https://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?6540-RECOMMENDED-DAILY-Nurturing-Seeds-PRACTICE

... Patented "'Insta-Zazen" ...

- Zazen for Beginners (13) - Anywhere, Anytime INSTA-ZAZEN!© (LINK)

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?14883-Sit-a-Long-with-Jundo-Zazen-for-Beginners-%2813%29

... oh, and just breathe, keep breathing .... breathe until the emotion passes, focusing on the breath ... then breathe some more ...

I have also written this from time to time:

=======================

In any case, anger is hard wired into the animal brain. It is one of the hardest aspects to uproot. I have known plenty of Buddhist teachers who would get angry from time to time, even after years of practice. There are pages of Dogen where, 800 yrs later, you can feel some anger coming through his words at something a monk did in his community. (There is a legend, may or may not be historical, that he once got so ticked at a monk that he tossed him from the monastery, then had even the ground dug up at the place he sat).

There is a difference, however, between getting a little ticked off or peeved vs. "losing it," there is a difference between angry thoughts/stewing a bit and somewhat angry words and VERY angry words and (of course) acts of violence.

So, cut yourself a little slack if, once in awhile, something gets under your skin. You are not a robot, saint or made of stone. Don't aspire to be always cool and unemotional, but also avoid letting the fires explode too.

The best thing to do, in my experience, is breathe ... then breathe some more. Walk away, give it time and some space.

He is an essay I wrote on anger once ... the title says it all ....

Playing With Fire

When Buddhism came to China, Korea, Tibet and Japan ... the Buddhist teachings on the emotions subtly changed (I paint with a broad brush, but I speak as a general trend). The fires of emotions were not seen as necessarily negative things, but they must be handled carefully and with balance. A campfire, so useful for cooking our supper if skillfully made, will quickly burn down the woods if left untended. A single candle which offers light can burn us and others, and the whole house down, if handled wrong. So it is with our emotions. Thus I say that the Precepts guide us away from excess and uncontrolled anger, greed, jealousy ... Anger at injustices in the world, for example, may spur us on to fight for change ... yet that anger should be kept in balance, and tempered with an equal dose of acceptance of life, lest it burns us to ashes too. The desire for change should not be allowed to run rampant as greed for and attachment to change from 'how things are'. A healthy dose of competition need not become jealousy and violence. We should use strong words much as we would scold a 3 year old child found playing with matches ... that is, with love and concern and understanding, not simply to hurt the child. A harsh word can be an "intervention" to shake a friend up who needs to hear ... or it can simply be a cruel and destructive word meant to hurt someone (the most famous example of "Zen tough love" may be all those old tough talking Masters administering "40 blows" of Wisdom). Thus, do not extinguish life fires ... but handle them with care and use them in constructive ways!

... I believe that there is a difference between angry thoughts, angry words and angry actions. Thus, if you think ugly thoughts (I do not know of any human being, short of a Buddha, who will not think ugly things sometimes ... like yesterday when someone dumped trash in the farmfield behind our house), simply do as you can not to let them pass your lips. If ugly words pass your lips (again, I think it hard to be a human being and escape that ... as my wife can testify when we have our semi-annual husband-wife barn burner) ... do not act upon the angry and harmful impulses. All should be avoided, but thinking "I want to burn down your house" is not quite saying out loud "I want to burn your house" ... each far removed from actually pouring gasoline on the house and lighting it!

What is more ... we are not machines. We will all slip (although, hopefully, not doing too much damage in the process. I have never killed anyone ... Thank Buddha! ... let alone broken anyone's jaw ... but I do have a lovely dent in the wall that I made about 5 years ago in a moment of unbridled fire. I intentionally never fix it ... and even cut it out and brought it with me when we moved ... as a reminder of what I am capable of.) That is what it means to be human ... a creature made, in traditional Buddhist understanding, partly of the fire element!

If we fall into the fire we should simply pull ourself out, dust off, learn from the experience ... forgive what can be forgiven in our actions, sincerely apologize to whom we should ... move on and try not to fall into the flames again.

https://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?8266-Playing-With-Fire

Gassho, J

STLah

[sreed]

Thank you, Kokuu, Tyza, Onka, and Jundo.
I am processing and re-reading everything you have written here and taken it all in. I am going to breathe and sit. I am going to practice Metta for my bosses, and I read the "knots" article that Kokuu posted. I am thinking about the anger as a tiny knot or a little fire and dousing it out with acceptance, kindness, and compassion for the folks involved.

I'm going to look for a new job after all of this, though. But I'm also going to let go of the frustrations and just focus on doing a great job. It makes me feel fulfilled to know I am working hard. Right Attitude!

Jundo, I appreciate all of your teachings and videos. I've been watching the Buddha basics and the We're All in This Together series. They make a difference.

Gassho
-Sara
ST

[Kyōsen]

Thank you, Jundo. I wonder why it's hard for us to give ourselves permission to not be okay so it's nice when others can say "it's okay to not be okay".

Sara, like you I am grateful to still have a job through all of this but even so it's not a pleasant experience for me either. I feel tired and frustrated a lot. What helps me is that I don't fight feeling that way and I don't feed it either. I just tell myself "I consent to hate this" and I don't feel the need to ruminate on it and feed it because who wants to feed anger or hate? This has been helping and there's a strange kind of excitement in it. Like ... we've unconsciously internalized that feeling bad about things is bad and we should avoid feeling that way. So when we give ourselves permission to feel bad, there's almost a sense of this being new territory. We're finally allowing ourselves to go where we thought we shouldn't go, even if it's not a nice place to be in.

I'm reminded of a scene in the film Star Trek Generations wherein the android Data (who doesn't experience human emotions) is given an "emotion chip" and he goes to the bar on the ship he's on and orders a drink and has a poor reaction to it. The bartender says "looks like you hate it." Data says "yes! I hate it. I hate this drink!" And he is so delighted by his disgust. The bartender asks "would you like another?" He replies, "please!"

Of course we're not androids experiencing disgust for the first time, we're all too familiar with it but, in a way, maybe we don't know it at all because we try to run away from it and other "bad" feelings whenever they come up too. Maybe ... it's okay to not be okay sometimes.

Gassho
Kyōsen
Sat|LAH

[sreed]

Kyosen, that was super helpful, too. I can just accept that I hate my job, but not feed into it. There are also positives to the job, like a steady paycheck to feed my family, and that's a good thing. Loved Star Trek: Next Generation and I know the scene you mention with Data. That was a great example.
Gassho
Sara
ST
LAh