Letting go of reminders / When understanding is gone

[babyleaf]

Hello everyone,

Lately I've been noticing more and more a dependence on reminders of instructions when I'm practicing. I get the sense that in the back of my mind, there is a strong conviction that's been strengthened by habit that I couldn't possibly be meditating if I don't know what I'm doing, or constantly checking what it is I'm doing. I suppose in daily life this translates to thinking I couldn't possibly be doing things right if I'm not keeping myself in check.

This conviction has been loosening up somewhat after a few back and forths with Jundo (not exactly on this topic, but relevant) and since joining Treeleaf I've experienced days when I understand the simplicity of Zazen even amidst this conviction. But there are days when that understanding is completely gone and the conviction becomes overwhelming. It's interesting how there are times when I am wise about this, and times when I am not. I think everyone has these days when our sense of understanding is gone?

I know the way forward is the same with everything that arises; just sit with it. But I was curious how everyone relates to following advice/instructions by letting go of them when sitting, especially when understanding isn't clear. Maybe trust that they are there whether we know it or not?

Gassho
Gaby
Sat Today

[Mp]

Hey Gaby,

A couple things ...

1. What is it that you think is lacking to where you are searching for the "right" thing to be doing?

2. I think you answered your own question ... "Trust"! Trust in yourself, trust in your practice, trust in your sitting. Just the act of sitting alone is enough, whole, and complete. When you sit, there is nothing to go wrong, no right way or wrong way. If you are taking that time to be present with life just as it is, that is it. =)

Gassho
Shingen

Sat/LAH

[Rich]

Habits and karma drag us around. We have a choice to return to just now, just sitting.

SAT today
[emoji120]

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[Ryushi]

I don't know how long you've been practicing, but I'm relatively new to all of this. So I take advantage of that to cut myself some slack.

When I notice my mind is wandering, or my posture is poor, or my fingers drift apart in the mudra, I use that as an opportunity to run through my instruction once more. I try to appreciate being given a reminder to focus my attention on each aspect and then return to my breath.

Sat today. Gassho.

[Shinshi]

Hi Gaby,

You might find this Thread by Jundo relevant to what you are experiencing.

https://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?16275-The-Counter-Intuitive-Approach-to-Mental-Disturbance-in-Shikantaza

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Amelia]

I have a lot of trust in the Soto way because of this insight "coming and going" when it never really came from anywhere and never went away. I have had many "satori" (if this word is safe to use, lol) moments, mostly in my first couple of years of practice, and they always go away. I have had the typical laughing out loud on a train moment because suddenly everything was clear and I saw the grand joke of us all sitting on the train and not realizing that we are all the same person, and that we all already know each other and are acting like strangers, or something like that. I can't really remember what clicked, but all of the barriers between "myself" and "everything else" were gone, and I could really see what it all was, and the feeling was this great humor and joy. I realized after a few times, and reading about it, that the practice was welcoming them and then letting them go. It has been many years now since my last "A-ha!" moment, but that is okay. When I first started out I practiced on the assumption that these moments would become more frequent, but now I know that it is already there and that there is nothing to reach for. I can practice with confidence even on days when sitting feels like a chore and my mind is all over the place. It this what Great Faith is referring to?

Gassho, sat today, lah

[Anka]

I think part of the "issue" here is that you believe there is a constant state the mind can reach for perfect zazen. Masters of Zen still get minor frustration when sitting in traffic, annoyance when plans change, and wondering thoughts when sitting. The difference is the practice allows them to recognize these things and adjust where most get swept away by it.

There is nothing to achieve in zazen. Just back to the moment, over and over and over and over again.

James F
Sat

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[Jakuden]

Such wise answers! Deep bows.

Gassho
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH


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[Jundo]

[babyleaf]

Hello everyone,

Thank you for all for your advice, and sorry for the delayed response.

The passage from Okumura Roshi was particularly helpful. Thank you for that Shinshi and Jundo.

Gassho
Gaby
Sat Today

[SNPII]

Habits and karma drag us around. We have a choice to return to just now, just sitting.

SAT today
[emoji120]

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Indeed! I find that those nasty things seem to try to take me away often as well.

I have learned to just ALLOW them to flux in and right back AWAY as if in a stream or sky as sticks or birds floating or flying by.

After all they are going to be there passing by whether I focus on them or not.[emoji6]

Sat2day

In Sincerity
Shane