Thoughts on Thoughts

[Shinshou]

When I first began to sit regularly, my mind was intent on analyzing how well I was doing, then congratulating myself. I didn't pay attention. Then, I began to think all sorts of terrible things about myself, but I didn't pay attention. Then, most disturbingly, I began to think of really awful things about others, things I won't describe. When I didn't pay attention to that either (but that took a bit), my mind got truly sneaky and began to have insights, solve problems, and experience what some would call breakthroughs. I bought into it, thinking that was the goal - if sitting isn't a tool to grow, what good is it? Only after I joined Treeleaf a couple years ago and watched Jundo's talks for beginners did I realize that these insights were just another manipulation tactic. Sitting truly is good for nothing, and that's where its value lies.

Anyway, I'm convinced that there's a little giggling gnome in my mind doing his best to make me think of myself while I sit. Giggle on, gnome, I'll just keep sitting.

Shinshou
Sat today

[Alexander]

Recently, I've been finding it a little easier to let go of thoughts during zazen.

Learning to let circumstances be, not grab thoughts or get tangled in thoughts, not try so hard and not "force it" is very tricky. Human beings are used to trying to do things and get things done. Don't try so hard, and relax. Trees know how to just sit and be, mountains know how to just sit and be, cats know how to just sit and be ... but we only know how to chase things like cats.

...

The other aspect is to have faith that merely crossing the legs (or sitting in some other reasonably comfortable and balanced way) is the one thing to do, the one place to be in all the world in that moment. Nothing is lacking, nothing to add or take away. Sit in the energetic sense of total completion merely by sitting. If you need, focus on the breath as it exits and enters the body, but I recommend transitioning when you can to "open spacious awareness" centered on everything and no thing in particular.

I couldn't say it better than Jundo has. It's easier to have the sounds just be sounds, the thoughts just be thoughts, the entirety of the universe just be the entirety of the universe. Right now we exist, right now we practice.

Gassho,
Alexander
ST/LAH