family and friends

[Dojin]

how does everyone's family and friends react to your practice? do they let you practice or they are against it?
do they practice with you?
do they talk to you about it? or don't want to hear about it?

[Dainin]

Re: family and friends

Hey Zen,

My wife is very supportive. She is cool with helping me find time for me to sit, she's been supportive when I've done 1-3 day retreats, and she was there (with refreshments) at my Jukai with Jundo. She has recently expressed interest in sitting with me. With 2 small boys, our issue now is finding opportunities to actually sit together!

How about you?

Gassho,
Keith

[Alberto]

Re: family and friends

This is a great topic. People are seldom seen with family members in zendos (maybe they're having a good time elsewhere, as the statistic of a zen center showed that most attendants had alcoholic fathers).

Not a religion to spread, I guess. Is it because there ain't nothing to spread?

When I do zazen my wife and my kids do zazen, says the theory. But they don't know it. My wife calls zazen, jokingly, "praying to the Buddha".

One of my friends says ommmmmm.

And I won't disagree with any of that. I think it's funny. After all, where I come from, Buddha is nothing but a chubby plastic idol whose belly you rub to have good luck (ain't no teacher, so I can't really explain to them that rubbing for the sake of rubbing would be "more better").

Thanks

[Dosho]

Re: family and friends

My wife is also very supportive and although I'm just beginning she thinks it's a great thing for me to have found.

Keith, how old are your boys? I have one myself turning 3 in a couple weeks.

Gassho,
Scott

[Shindo]

Re: family and friends

My wife (Bernie) & children (Jenny 13 & Jack 11) are very patient with me and kindly keep the noise down to a dull roar when I sit. Bernie can see the difference when I don't practice, so supports me 100%, and patiently listens when I chunter on about the blindly obviously. My kids think its kinda cool too, if a little odd .
Kind regards
Jools

[Eika]

Re: family and friends

how does everyone's family and friends react to your practice? do they let you practice or they are against it?

No problems from friends and family. I don't talk about it much with the friends, but they are cool with it.

do they practice with you?

My kids will occasionally sit for a minute or two, but that is about it. They are still a bit young to hold still for more than a couple of minutes.

do they talk to you about it? or don't want to hear about it?

My wife and I talk about it some, but nobody else in the family pays much mind to it. I have a friend or two who are interested and will occasionally ask about practice-type stuff.
A colleague and I started a sitting group at the college where we teach, so we have some questions from college kids periodically. We answer as best we can considering our newbyness.

Gassho,
Bill

[Tb]

Re: family and friends

I dont find it so much of a problem, even though i have a one year baby. you just have to take the practice as it comes.
He, my child has even sat with me on occation (although not for very long...).

May the force be with you
Tb

[Dainin]

Re: family and friends

Keith, how old are your boys? I have one myself turning 3 in a couple weeks.

Hey Scott,

Our oldest (Mateo) will be 5 in Sept. and our youngest (Diego) will be be 2 in Aug. The pic that is my avatar was taken at Everglades National Park this past January. I hope yours has a great 3rd birthday!

A colleague and I started a sitting group at the college where we teach, so we have some questions from college kids periodically. We answer as best we can considering our newbyness.

Hey Bill,

That sounds great. I wish you and your colleague all the best with your group.

Gassho,
Keith

[chessie]

Re: family and friends

For family, my parents have no interest in religious or spiritual matters whatsoever. They don't know how I ended up with such a strong bend in that direction. Their view is 'whatever makes you happy, is okay'. My husband, in the same manner, has no interest in such things. Further, he doesn't like me going off and doing almost anything, that leaves him out. Further still, when I had an altar set up at home 20 years ago he expressed very strong negative feelings. So, now, I've told him I'm starting to meditate when I get to work in the morning. So far, so good. He's helped me with exercises when I told him I wanted to learn to sit cross-legged for this meditation. So far, better. He asked what I was reading on the computer, and I told him it was a Zen forum. Acknowledged, with no further reaction. That's as far as I've gotten, and it's fairly smooth. I can't access the 'blog' at work, and I only have an hour at home at night, (we have a 2 hour commute each way to work) so I haven't tried 'sitting' at night when he's home, or even listening to the talks under headphones. I think that will come, but I feel like I need to overcome opposition at each step. I have no kids, no siblings, no cousins, and no in-laws, so no other family whatsoever. I feel optimistic, however, and very comfortable here, in whatever limited capacity I can partake for now. Thanks for the kindness. Ann

[CharlesC]

Re: family and friends

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[TracyF]

Re: family and friends

For family, my parents have no interest in religious or spiritual matters whatsoever. They don't know how I ended up with such a strong bend in that direction. Their view is 'whatever makes you happy, is okay'. My husband, in the same manner, has no interest in such things. Further, he doesn't like me going off and doing almost anything, that leaves him out. Further still, when I had an altar set up at home 20 years ago he expressed very strong negative feelings. So, now, I've told him I'm starting to meditate when I get to work in the morning. So far, so good. He's helped me with exercises when I told him I wanted to learn to sit cross-legged for this meditation. So far, better. He asked what I was reading on the computer, and I told him it was a Zen forum. Acknowledged, with no further reaction. That's as far as I've gotten, and it's fairly smooth. I can't access the 'blog' at work, and I only have an hour at home at night, (we have a 2 hour commute each way to work) so I haven't tried 'sitting' at night when he's home, or even listening to the talks under headphones. I think that will come, but I feel like I need to overcome opposition at each step. I have no kids, no siblings, no cousins, and no in-laws, so no other family whatsoever. I feel optimistic, however, and very comfortable here, in whatever limited capacity I can partake for now. Thanks for the kindness. Ann

Good luck, Ann...

My husband and daughter think I'm a bit of a nut with this but they think I'm a nut anyway so what's the difference? :lol: We're pretty laid back folks at home so I know they still love Mom the Nutball. My parents and brothers and sisters are mixed. My Dad, oldest brother and sister think it's cool. My Mom will say its good but makes frequent snide remarks. I don't know if my other two brothers know.

My in-laws are Southern Baptist. No one mentions anything to them for fear they will not let me in their home for Christmas. :lol:

[Dojin]

Re: family and friends

my family are pretty much ok with it. and my girlfriend too. they accept me as i am.
but i do see that they are having a hard time... my girlfriend cant understand it so its hard for her... and my mother thinks that the fact that a person is always calm and doesnt let things bring him down or hurt him ( since i know that all things are just what they are i accept them as such )
it sometimes drives her angry that i am not worried or running around, she says it is not normal for a person to be relaxed in our world...
but the thing is i get by i dont let it bring me down.

my friends accept it and dont care either way about it, except for being happy for me that i found something that helps me and i am sticking with it for many years now.

it is really funny how people react to it...

whenever it comes up in a conversation i practice some sort of buddhism people have their ideas of some monk sitting on a mountain and meditating speaking in riddles and being all calm and mystical and just being a perfect being of compassion and humility. it is funny how wrong they are that they forget that even monks fall of the wagon

[Shindo]

Re: family and friends

Hi Guys

my son Jack (11 years old), sat with me this morning for ten minutes. It was his first time and it was lovely that, unprompted, he wanted to share something. It was like trying to sit next to a washing machine, as he fidgeted so much, but towards the end I could sense that he was beginning to settle.

Good stuff

Jools

[Kent]

Re: family and friends

My family's reactions vary. Of my grown children, my son shows little or no interest, my daughter has shown some limited interest and i have offered to help her when she is ready. While involved in the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism i rarely spoke with my wife about it. Since joining Treeleaf i have included her in most of what i've done, she has been a wonderful source of encouragement and appreciates the positve changes she has seen in me. She knows of Jundo as i speak of him often . My friends accept what i do and will sometimes ask a question or two.

[Martin]

Re: family and friends

I feel that my wife was initialy uneasy: rather like Chessie's husband I think she felt that we have so little time together (we both work long hours, and have three kids) that she wasn't happy about my spending a proportion of my free time doing something which did not involve her. And I saw, and see, her point of view. One of the reasons why I moved my morning sitting to work was that, though it also fitted in better with my timetable. After a couple of years, now, I think it's less of a threat, and my wife is much more tolerant and even supportive, though my zen practice remains the only thing that matters to me that we don't talk about, which I regret.

My mum has asked me to give her books on Buddhism. She's 78 and suffering a crisis of her own faith and I feel out of my depth in how to respond.

My oldest son (17) is going to read philosophy at university and every now and then tries to prove me "wrong" with some new argument, but in a good natured way. My middle son (15) is interested, we've had some good talks, and he has been known to sit occasionally of his own accord. My youngest (13) is too absorbed in his own mental world to notice that I sit, mostly, though when he had some panic attacks at night after moving to a new school I got him to sit with me before bed just for five minutes and that seemed to help, though whether it was the closeness to a parent or the zazen that reassured him is open to question.

At work, I suspect the staff think I'm nuts. But as I'm effectively the boss, they don't say anything. Not to my face anyway.

Gassho

Martin