My faith isn't the only way

[Eika]

Re: My faith isn't the only way

Chessie wrote:
So, Suzuki nailed it, and I came here feeling like I know nothing, after years and years of studying. I've lived like Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, constantly looking for 'home'.

Me too, Ann. My particular variant of this is a mental attempt to escape the world I'm in. Since starting shikantaza I have noticed how many times a day my mind is seeking "more" than what is in front of me. So, I daydream, worry, have regrets, etc. all because the world in this present moment isn't enough for me . . . but, this is changing. I'm learning to be "at home" anywhere. I went to a social get-together last night and normally during one of those there would be times where I would really feel out of place. This didn't happen last night. I didn't have to try either, it just happened. More and more, this is happening to me . . . I'm learning -- slowly but surely -- to be happy (or at least satisfied) with the life I have instead of the one I might dream up in my head.

Gassho,
Bill

[Dosho]

Re: My faith isn't the only way

Great comments Ann & Bill.

I believe I have much to learn (or unlearn) from you and the rest of the sangha. As a newbie I try to resist my temptation to ask millions of questions because I think I have to let things just be and come as they will or won't. I'm still in the place where I dread the long drives and feel incredibly self conscious at social gatherings. I don't imagine that these things will just disappear, but it does make me feel like such things are possible when I read posts like yours. I already got a comment from Jundo over email that has sent my brain into a state of "Huh?" which I really don't know how to process even now. But I think I can learn to be with "Huh?" for awhile and see what develops.

Gassho,
Scott