Away and back without ever leaving

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  • Hoko
    Member
    • Aug 2009
    • 456

    Away and back without ever leaving

    Hi folks,

    I've been away for a couple of months but kept you all in my heart throughout.
    I wanted to fill in the blanks a little bit to explain why I went away, what happened during that time and what I've discovered since coming back to regular Zen Practice.

    So we had to euthanize our dog a few months ago.
    I have three sons and they took it pretty hard as did my wife and I.
    Our dog was 12 years old and 100 pounds so it was a big loss both literally and metaphorically.
    It threw me for a loop.
    I fell off the map and focused on what I needed to do and wasn't able to get away to the city to meet up with the Jundo and the other sangha members when they were in San Francisco.
    Kinda felt like a huge flake and a failure there since it's not like I get Zen teachers dropping by every week, you know?
    Sorry, Jundo; I let you down. And I really wanted to meet you in person too.

    There were a few other issues going on as well (business, taxes, a new side job...) but that's neither here nor there.
    The point is I wasn't sleeping very well and I pretty much dropped zazen for a week to catch up on my rest.
    Sleeping in the extra 30-45 minutes makes a difference when you're pushing your limits. And I was.
    A week became a month, a month became 2...

    I remember reading something Brad Warner wrote where someone asked him how they would know if zazen was "making a difference".
    Now, funny thing about zazen practice is that if you're doing it to "make a difference" then you're doing it "wrong".
    I know this first hand as many years ago when I first started sitting I was going at it like it was a workout routine: all guns blazing on my way to becoming a "better person".
    And needless to say I hit a wall and got tired of not "seeing results" and so I quit for a time. This is what they mean by "attainment mindset".
    Anyway, Brad answered the question by saying that if you didn't believe zazen was "doing anything" you should stop and see how you feel and then re-start and see how you feel.
    Good advice; I thought I would take it.

    So I used my failure to practice AS my practice. B-)
    (Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize my sloth; who knows?)
    Anyway at first there weren't any noticeable changes so I started wondering: "why did I bother with all that meditation if there wasn't any benefit?
    And then I'd chide myself by acknowledging that I wasn't supposed to be practicing for "gains" because that was what got me burnt out the first time around.
    So I yo-yo'ed back and forth like that for a while. Why bother? Why practice if there's no "point"?

    Humans need "traction" and we like to analyze our efforts with a cost-benefit ratio.
    If we don't get a sufficient return on our investment we feel cheated. It's basic psychology.
    Zazen, however, is precisely zazen. It's the one thing I do that isn't for gain or fame or profit or "self improvement".
    It's the only time I can just let go of all that and just BE, unjudged, un-judging, not going forward, not going backwards, not gaining, not losing.

    But that doesn't mean it doesn't make a difference.
    And that brings me back to where I'm at currently.
    So I tried sitting again. At first it was rough.
    I would sit for 5 minutes thinking it was 30 and then look at the clock and think "dammit!"
    But I got back on the bandwagon and I'm doing 20 minutes daily and last night I threw in an evening sit just for kicks.
    I even sat in the online Zendo again but didn't see anyone there...

    And guess what?
    NOW I'm noticing a difference. Not when I was doing it before. Not when I stopped doing it, but NOW, after having stopped and started again.
    And I think it has something to do with contrast.

    There's a lot of discussion in Zen and Buddhism in general about "non-dualistic thinking".
    I see a lot of that going on in the world today.
    You're either a liberal or a conservative, a Republican or a Democrat, you like Coke or you like Pepsi...
    Either you agree with the football players who kneel for racial injustice or you agree with the patriots who feel you need to stand for the national anthem.
    Only one opinion to a customer please! We can't have you acting all wishy-washy and trying to see both sides!
    That would throw off our neat, little schema of the world and then there'd be chaos and confusion and we can't have that, right?

    But differences are important too.
    Black is important. White is important. The comparison between the two is important and when you rub them together in a greasy, grey mess THAT'S important too.

    How do you see/not-see at the same time?
    How can you perceive everything at once and nothing in particular?
    Yep, you guessed it. Zazen.

    So anyway, I'm "back". But I never left.
    No different than before but also better off.

    Gassho,
    Hoko
    Sat today
    LAH
    Last edited by Hoko; 10-14-2017, 01:06 PM.
    法 Dharma
    口 Mouth
  • Doshin
    Member
    • May 2015
    • 2641

    #2
    Howdy Hoko,

    Sorry for the loss of your dog. I lost one of my dogs last week so I have had that empty feeling whenever I look at where she sat. I almost can see those large eyes always looking at me. The longer I live the more dogs I say goodbye too, never gets easier.

    I hear you about the world and alot going on, it is difficult to even connect with it all. These times brings back memories of the political/social upheaval and war of the 1960s here in the US. Maybe it is becasue I watched the PBS series on Vietnam recently that my my mind keeps drifiting back to that volatile and painful time for many. The documentary brought back strong emotions and saddnes. I felt strong anger at my government, as I did then. My wife's first husband was in Vietnam and that war changed their lives and her memories brought tears...I admit to tearing up too. Though I was not drafted (won the lottery of that war) our entire Nation was being split apart as were the peoples of Vietnam. I started meditating back then, my explicit goal was to make a difference in my head!

    Hope life flows a little easier for you for awhile. So welcome back even if you never left...I hear that alot around here


    Gassho
    Doshin
    st/lah
    Last edited by Doshin; 10-13-2017, 09:47 PM.

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    • Mp

      #3
      Hello Hoko,

      I am sorry to hear about your four legged friend leaving this visible world ... it is amazing how they can touch our hearts so deeply. Much love and metta to you all.

      As for being away or coming back, I swear when I am sitting this morning you are there. Glad to have you back to the home you never left. =)

      Gassho
      Shingen

      Sat/LAH

      Comment

      • Jakuden
        Member
        • Jun 2015
        • 6141

        #4
        So glad you are back Hoko! Yes we do tend to be creatures of contrast, don't we? We sleepwalk for awhile, but everytime we come back to practice, then we know a little more what being awake is. FWIW, I felt like I let you down a little too, I remember I was especially busy at the time your pup became ill (I don't remember why) and I later wished I had given you more support. She had such a long, happy life, especially for such a big dog! But then, what a big empty spot in your hearts. Hugs and welcome home.

        Gassho,
        Jakuden
        SatToday/LAH

        Comment

        • Jundo
          Treeleaf Founder and Priest
          • Apr 2006
          • 40349

          #5
          ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

          Comment

          • Byokan
            Treeleaf Unsui
            • Apr 2014
            • 4289

            #6
            Hi Hoko,

            I'm sorry about your dog too, metta to the whole family.

            And it's great to see you, I was wondering where you'd gone.

            Gassho
            Byōkan
            sat + lah
            展道 渺寛 Tendō Byōkan
            Please take my words with a big grain of salt. I know nothing. Wisdom is only found in our whole-hearted practice together.

            Comment

            • Seishin
              Member
              • Aug 2016
              • 1522

              #7
              Hoko

              Good to see you back, just recently seen your reappearance on Insight. So sorry for your loss as well, our canine companions are such a huge presence and leave such a void when they're gone - we've lost four in 40 years of marriage and our GSD turned 8 this year.

              Anyway maybe well sit again one day.

              SZIZTM
              Last edited by Seishin; 10-14-2017, 09:57 AM. Reason: Typo


              Seishin

              Sei - Meticulous
              Shin - Heart

              Comment

              • Enjaku
                Member
                • Jul 2016
                • 310

                #8
                Hi Hoko,

                Good to see you back. I've also been stretched to my limits this last few months. I can relate to the feeling of "falling off the map" and focusing on the basics to get through another tough day. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dog.

                It sounds like your apparent "departure" from practice has actually been a fruitful experience in terms of insight. I sat diligently during last year's Ango - I felt like my feet were firmly on the path. This year has been a complete disaster by comparison. From one perspective, we're on this path even when we're lost. If we can sit with being lost, we're always arriving. Still, we must sit and honour the precepts. Thank you for your post.

                I'm also transitioning back to daily sitting this week. I'll bow with you in mind. It helps to know I'm not the only one having a rough Ango.

                Gassho,
                Enjaku
                Sat LAH
                Last edited by Enjaku; 10-14-2017, 01:26 PM.
                援若

                Comment

                • Shugen
                  Treeleaf Unsui
                  • Nov 2007
                  • 4535

                  #9
                  Hello Hoko,

                  Nice to see you again!

                  I think that these little "breaks" are a very important part of practice. The tricky part for me, when things get a little crazy, is trying to not see practice as something other than what is going on - as being separate. It really is ALL practice.

                  Gassho,

                  Shugen

                  Sattoday/LAH
                  Meido Shugen
                  明道 修眼

                  Comment

                  • Kyonin
                    Treeleaf Priest / Engineer
                    • Oct 2010
                    • 6749

                    #10
                    Hi Hoko,

                    How do you see-not-see at the same time? I don't know. By the way you never left even if you were far away. You like Coke, I like coffee... but both are just water. I sit or stand both on the same planet. Your dog's body is not around but he will be forever with you.

                    I bow and smile to you from here in my desk. But your smile and mine are just one.

                    Gassho,

                    Kyonin
                    Sat/LAH
                    Hondō Kyōnin
                    奔道 協忍

                    Comment

                    • Meitou
                      Member
                      • Feb 2017
                      • 1656

                      #11
                      Hi Hoko, so good to see you here and on Insight again, although you never really went away. Holding you and your family in my heart for the loss of your dear dog, as Kyonin says, he will be forever with you, your love for him and your memories of him will keep him close.
                      Metta to you.
                      Frankie

                      satwithyoualltoday/lah
                      命 Mei - life
                      島 Tou - island

                      Comment

                      • Washin
                        Treeleaf Unsui
                        • Dec 2014
                        • 3796

                        #12
                        Nice to see you back, Hoko. Sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend.
                        Metta for you and everyone around

                        Gassho
                        Washin
                        sattoday
                        Kaidō (皆道) Every Way
                        Washin (和信) Harmony Trust
                        ----
                        I am a novice priest-in-training. Anything that I say must not be considered as teaching
                        and should be taken with a 'grain of salt'.

                        Comment

                        • Kokuu
                          Treeleaf Priest
                          • Nov 2012
                          • 6844

                          #13
                          Good to have you back, Hoko!

                          Sometimes time away is good to realise how important things are.

                          So sorry to hear about your dog. Animals companions become part of the family.

                          Gassho
                          Kokuu
                          -sattoday-

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