Re: Self-hate
Hey Kevin
I almost have "self hate" for taking part here, but I think another point of view may be helpful at least in making more clear how points of view are just points of view and nothing more. So here:
The self hate issue is nothing but a self love issue. Let's put aside for a second the "real self" Zen notions and devote to the small self or Ego. While it is unclear exactly what you call self hate, it is likely to be this phenomenon: you hate not being all you think you should be. So there is Mr Ego basking in the spotlight, showing himself and others how he wishes to be more or better according to this or that standard. Mr Ego, the star of the show, "unhappy" with himself and trying really hard to reach some lofty ideal state.
Self hate is Ego love, is surrendering to the little self dictating just how the world should be. Self hate is the name of a coat that your beloved ego wears because you have to show yourself (and others) that you ain't self centered, that you are valuable and that's why you strive to be all that.
Don't get me wrong for sounding sententious: My intention here is to give you support and encouragement because I know exactly what you're talking about, and that's some of the stuff I've found in my dissections of the guy that goes by my name.
I just think that the self-hate issue cannot be addressed by any method that reinforces the notion of a self to be hated or loved or improved. All that will leave you exactly where you were. Furthermore, and since you mention how the family gets hit, when I tried to dump on my Zen practice the responsibility of turning me into a better father, I realized that I was immaturely trying to delegate a responsibility that doesn't require any esternal help. So if you find yourself yelling to the kids don't expect anything or anybody to come and correct that. It's all up to you, and that is a fantastic, unique opportunity.
So I guess the best policy is not to hate that self, but just to watch it, not to judge it but to accept it, not to feed his tantrums but to let him be. In not trying to control that self the real Kevin will take over. Say, what's going on in this very instant? Don't think about it, just look around. Where is that guy you claim to hate? Staying in the moment is the best recipe to dispose of all our fictions.
Best wishes,
Hey Kevin
I almost have "self hate" for taking part here, but I think another point of view may be helpful at least in making more clear how points of view are just points of view and nothing more. So here:
The self hate issue is nothing but a self love issue. Let's put aside for a second the "real self" Zen notions and devote to the small self or Ego. While it is unclear exactly what you call self hate, it is likely to be this phenomenon: you hate not being all you think you should be. So there is Mr Ego basking in the spotlight, showing himself and others how he wishes to be more or better according to this or that standard. Mr Ego, the star of the show, "unhappy" with himself and trying really hard to reach some lofty ideal state.
Self hate is Ego love, is surrendering to the little self dictating just how the world should be. Self hate is the name of a coat that your beloved ego wears because you have to show yourself (and others) that you ain't self centered, that you are valuable and that's why you strive to be all that.
Don't get me wrong for sounding sententious: My intention here is to give you support and encouragement because I know exactly what you're talking about, and that's some of the stuff I've found in my dissections of the guy that goes by my name.
I just think that the self-hate issue cannot be addressed by any method that reinforces the notion of a self to be hated or loved or improved. All that will leave you exactly where you were. Furthermore, and since you mention how the family gets hit, when I tried to dump on my Zen practice the responsibility of turning me into a better father, I realized that I was immaturely trying to delegate a responsibility that doesn't require any esternal help. So if you find yourself yelling to the kids don't expect anything or anybody to come and correct that. It's all up to you, and that is a fantastic, unique opportunity.
So I guess the best policy is not to hate that self, but just to watch it, not to judge it but to accept it, not to feed his tantrums but to let him be. In not trying to control that self the real Kevin will take over. Say, what's going on in this very instant? Don't think about it, just look around. Where is that guy you claim to hate? Staying in the moment is the best recipe to dispose of all our fictions.
Best wishes,
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