I have recently come back to practice with all of you. My intent here is not to over-dramatize the fact, but to offer some sort of explanation. I feel I owe the sangha some sort of statement, especially in light of some questions I have been getting from members about my departure. First let me say what did NOT inspire my departure. I have not been offended by anyone here. The notion that I should want to depart a Buddhist sangha because I was offended seems to me somewhat, well funny. After all, isn't not being offended kind of part of what we are practicing? It was not long after Jundo invited me to glimpse at the inner workings of the Treeleaf Priest section that I disappeared. Assuredly, that this did not shatter any delusions about the perfectly imperfect behavior of our leaders here. Finally, it has been suggested that I got upset about some commentary running at some point which was criticizing my profession ( I am an acupuncturist for those that do not know). After 24 years in my field I am used to dealing with that kind of thing. I do not need anyone here to "believe" or support what I do for a living.
So that all being said why did I depart? maybe more importantly why did I come back? Perhaps I am answering this here as much for myself as for anyone else. In April of 2016 I hurt myself badly. I was in extreme pain for over a month. After participating here for years with a regular sitting practice developed I found I simply could not sit. In fact I was in so much pain I could barely sleep for a month. I accepted the advice of the sangha to "sit with the pain" etc., but I found for me I simply could not do that. It was all I could do to function in life and being the sole bread winner in the family, I was struggling just to be able to go to work. A few days of not being about to sit, turned into a few weeks, turned into several months. I sadly got out of the practice of practice. Life has it's challenges and old habits of distracting from stress, avoidance of feelings, engaging in escapism began to creep back into my life. To borrow a metaphor from the movie the Matrix, I chose the blue pill of delusion for awhile instead of the red one.
w1ubw.jpg
Recently I read Jundo talking about emptiness, but that he really preferred something more like whole flowing stillness. We are indoctrinated or culturally driven to think that so many things are the prize. Wealth, relationships, fame, food, drugs, sex, self importance, retail therpay; a veritable buffet of infinite distractions. But it is my experience that even when one is tempted to accept the blue pill of reality that this BLUE PILL really is the TRUE emptiness. Is it bad? Is it good? I would argue that both pills are practice, even if it is the realization that the RED pill of "emptiness" is the only one that holds really... something.
Gassho
Ishin
Sat Today/LAH
So that all being said why did I depart? maybe more importantly why did I come back? Perhaps I am answering this here as much for myself as for anyone else. In April of 2016 I hurt myself badly. I was in extreme pain for over a month. After participating here for years with a regular sitting practice developed I found I simply could not sit. In fact I was in so much pain I could barely sleep for a month. I accepted the advice of the sangha to "sit with the pain" etc., but I found for me I simply could not do that. It was all I could do to function in life and being the sole bread winner in the family, I was struggling just to be able to go to work. A few days of not being about to sit, turned into a few weeks, turned into several months. I sadly got out of the practice of practice. Life has it's challenges and old habits of distracting from stress, avoidance of feelings, engaging in escapism began to creep back into my life. To borrow a metaphor from the movie the Matrix, I chose the blue pill of delusion for awhile instead of the red one.
w1ubw.jpg
Recently I read Jundo talking about emptiness, but that he really preferred something more like whole flowing stillness. We are indoctrinated or culturally driven to think that so many things are the prize. Wealth, relationships, fame, food, drugs, sex, self importance, retail therpay; a veritable buffet of infinite distractions. But it is my experience that even when one is tempted to accept the blue pill of reality that this BLUE PILL really is the TRUE emptiness. Is it bad? Is it good? I would argue that both pills are practice, even if it is the realization that the RED pill of "emptiness" is the only one that holds really... something.
Gassho
Ishin
Sat Today/LAH
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