What's for Breakfast? Beyond Distinctions....

[Jundo]

Perhaps not rocket science, but to a person feeling that they should stick out an unfulfilling job or relationship because to not do so means they are having "preferences," it matters.

I like the idea of looking with two eyes, one of wholeness and one of separateness...neither of them gives you a complete picture. Both are accurate, yet not comprehensive. That's helpful. After reading these responses, I was reminded of a writing by Huang Po that I had to go look up: "Ordinary people look to their surroundings, while followers of the Way look to the mind, but the true Dharms is to forget them both."

Thanks for all the input, I've been wondering about this question (and will probably continue to do so) since reading my first Zen book years ago.

Hi Daniel,

Shingen summed it up nicely:

... I am accepting those conditions/situation just as they are at that time. And yet at the same time I am trying to find that better job, that more loving and fullfilling relationship.

Just because we accept things or conditions in our life just as they are, doesn't mean there is not room for improvement or change. =)

Here is something I sometimes add when people ask if their Zazen Practice will help them know the "right" decision to make ... to stay in the relationship or leave, stay in the difficult job or change ...

Someone once asked me if Zazen would tell them whether to stay or leave a job or what job to take. I said that all it would tell them was that, if staying, just be there ... and if leaving, just be there. If it turns out the wrong choice was made, well, just start again from there.

Perhaps in the quiet and stillness of sitting, there is a little space to listen to what your heart truly feels and wants, which can help one in the decision. But there are rarely if ever any "totally right" answers in these situations, and good and bad no matter which way one goes. Just try to do what seems best, moment by moment.

When coming to a crossroads, TAKE IT! Go right or left (unless staying put If staying put, that is just a choice on the road too. ). Then, just be there and move on. If one ended up taking a bumpy road instead of the smooth road intended ... just be there and move on. At the next crossroads, which is ever right underfoot ... repeat above process! One may discover that one made the right choice or the wrong, got to one's objective or got lost. You will probably find you end up where never expected (most times, it is not just what one expected). However, it is always the RIGHT CHOICE ... for it is the RIGHT WHERE ONE NOW IS CHOICE. Move on from here.

After that, I often provide some more practical advice about things like "making a list of pros and cons" and "sleeping on it" .... but that is not really "Zen" advice, as much as "50ish year old guy, been there" advice.

Gassho, Jundo

SatTodayLAH

PS - Daniel, although the mountains are also our face (dog poop too! ), may I ask you to post a human face as your Avatar picture? It is one of the precious ways we have to keep this place a little more human, look each other in the eyes a bit. Thank you if you would. That is my preference-non-preference.

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showthread.php?8531-CONFIDENTIALITY-TIPS-for-Sangha-Members

Also, although we don't require it for brand new members for the first months, would you consider to put "SatToday" by your signature before posting? It helps keep us focused on Sitting over Chatting. Thanks if you would.

http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showt...ore-Forum-Chat

[Hoseki]

Hi Daniel,

I'm pretty much going to repeat Jundo and Shingen's responses but in a different vocabulary. I think we can look at this aspect of our practice has how to think about what we can change and what we can't. The past is done and it can't be changed. Trying to change the past isn't possible yet we often relive the past by ruminating about events, conversations etc. Often torturing ourselves by obsessing over hurtful events. Kind of like having a sore neck and checking to see if it still hurts every few minutes.
Reflecting on the past is great as it can help us avoid repeating mistakes but often we relive it.

There is nothing we can do about the past and what we find ourselves dealing with at every moment is the present but the present as we experience it is like the past. It just is. That is to say if my neck is sore there its the result of some events in the past. I can't un-sore my neck it just is sore. But what I can do reflect on the past and how I hurt it (slept in a weird position), how I continue to hurt it (checking to see if its OK) and then think about how I can best take care of it. So I plan for the future and then act upon my new plan. Which is probably just to be careful and try not to aggravate my neck.

What we often do when we have a bad neck is to resist it. We don't want to feel the pain, we want to do something that we can't because it would hurt to much, or we may have to take actions that are boring.

Long story short, we accept what can't be changed and when things can be changed we try to change them for the better. Or at least that's my thoughts on the matter. Incidentally, I currently have a sore neck

Gassho
Sattoday
Hoseki

[Shinshou]

Wonderful, Shingen!