First Zazen, a description

[Screature]

Hi!

This morning I managed to find time for sitting! My son woke early and I always get up with him, we had a couple of hours before anyone else would be getting up. Instead of trying to pretzel my legs and getting disappointed like my first attempt, I used the one leg over, one under position (I forget the name). There was only one way to assure an uninterrupted sit; playing the LittleBabyBum YouTube channel on the TV! There's hours and hours of animated nursery rhymes that keeps my son mesmerized!

I set a zazen timer (app called Undo) for 20 minutes and got myself into position, got my back straight (easy for me as I drive my bus with a fully upright seat back so feels natural) and hands in the oval of cosmic mudra.

One thing that surprised me when I started is how comfortable I was emptying my mind and not allowing passing thoughts to grab my attention. I was fully aware of my son (who still moved around) and the cats that crossed my vision. I was fully aware of the sound of him chewing his dummy, of the cats scratching their post, the hum of the clothes dryer, the nursery rhymes. I didn't mentally sing along to the rhymes, they were simply "what I could hear" without hearing. The crack in the floorboard where my vision rested had a particular pattern that was noted and dismissed, as every other pattern of every board. If my son walked past, even stopped right there, I saw past him while seeing him. I didn't think, I didn't have any internal voice trying to discuss things with me, no image of the breakfast I'd not yet had, no query of how much time had passed. My mind was still, yet aware.

A few things did distract me though, and I suppose that will get easier over time. I felt like my body disappeared. Everything was sound and sight, and all sensation of sitting, of pressure, of friction, went away. Is this incorrect? Am I supposed to be aware of everything in that way? I felt like my body was correctly positioned, but kinda went out of mind? I brought my attention to my body a couple of times just to check my mudra and posture. The next thing that distracted me was my vision once or twice. I didn't have to blink as with eyes half closed they watered/glazed over a little. That made it easier, but made them twitch involuntary a couple of times. Staring at one spot also sent odd mild green and pink waves across my vision. I had to "refocus" to clear my vision of the waves.

Third and final distraction was my son yelling "Poo'd!" into my face while climbing into my lap, and confirming his exclamation with a smell familiar to every parent. There ended my sit after 15 mins :-). I think next time I'll try sitting *just after* changing my son, so that shouldn't repeat!

Definitely sitting again, once a day if I can!

Gassho,
Mike

[Anka]

Hi Mike,

Be sure you are not forcefully making no thoughts appear. Jundo or others can correct me if I am wrong but the goal is to allow thoughts to pass like clouds in the sky without interfering. Simply acknowledge them and let them go. This is still something I am working on after a year of sitting. It seems every time I recognize a thought it doesn't play out, it simply disappears.

I can relate to having something moving about while you sit. My two cats are always moving about in and out of my vision. Sometimes they will sit right beside me for the duration. Every once and a while I will break and give them a pet. =).

Around the 20 minute mark on some sits i will start to feel some body distortion. It feels like half my body is extremely numb or very heavy or not there. The best example I can come up with is like a stroke victim (but without experiencing a stroke this is a shot in the dark at best). I have been advised to simply ignore this feeling and focus on breath or in this sanghas case shinkantaza.

Glad to hear your first sit went well but remember they will not all be that way some will be a struggle. Don't get attached to the good feelings and how natural this first one felt.

Step one complete only 100,000 more zazen sessions to go!

Sat
James F



Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

[Jundo]

Hi Mike,

Lovely! Bon Voyage on your first sit!

I set a zazen timer (app called Undo) for 20 minutes and got myself into position, got my back straight (easy for me as I drive my bus with a fully upright seat back so feels natural) and hands in the oval of cosmic mudra.

Are you sitting on a Zafu or some folded blankets to provide support? If you don't have a Zafu, we have some instructions around here somewhere on foldeed blankets. It is important to lift up the back with some support for many reasons, especially that it take a load off the back. Please see the Guide to Basic Sitting for pictures ...

https://sites.google.com/site/jundotreeleaf/TreeleafBasicZazenInstructions.pdf?attredirects=0&d=1

One thing that surprised me when I started is how comfortable I was emptying my mind and not allowing passing thoughts to grab my attention. I was fully aware of my son (who still moved around) and the cats that crossed my vision. I was fully aware of the sound of him chewing his dummy, of the cats scratching their post, the hum of the clothes dryer, the nursery rhymes. I didn't mentally sing along to the rhymes, they were simply "what I could hear" without hearing.

Lovely. Just sit without thinking about or judging what you are hearing and seeing. It is there, but "pay it no nevermind." Don't overly see things, but also don't overly try NOT to see things.

Take it easy though, and don't force it. Just rest easily and don't get caught in thoughts and judgments about things.

The crack in the floorboard where my vision rested had a particular pattern that was noted and dismissed, as every other pattern of every board. If my son walked past, even stopped right there, I saw past him while seeing him. I didn't think, I didn't have any internal voice trying to discuss things with me, no image of the breakfast I'd not yet had, no query of how much time had passed. My mind was still, yet aware.

That's good, but don't force it. No need to "blank out" or overly try not to see what you are seeing. For example, if my daughter comes into the Zendo during Zazen, I will note "Oh, lovely daughter", but not go further and just return to sitting (unless, for example, she starts playing with the candles! In that case, I get up fast!).

A few things did distract me though, and I suppose that will get easier over time. I felt like my body disappeared. Everything was sound and sight, and all sensation of sitting, of pressure, of friction, went away. Is this incorrect? Am I supposed to be aware of everything in that way? I felt like my body was correctly positioned, but kinda went out of mind? I brought my attention to my body a couple of times just to check my mudra and posture. The next thing that distracted me was my vision once or twice. I didn't have to blink as with eyes half closed they watered/glazed over a little. That made it easier, but made them twitch involuntary a couple of times. Staring at one spot also sent odd mild green and pink waves across my vision. I had to "refocus" to clear my vision of the waves.

Lovely if you reached some concentration where you felt as if the body disappeared. But, again, don't force things. Easy. Things in the room, in your life, the world, your postive/neutral/negative feelings about all that are there yet not something to ponder.

Also, on the vision ... take it easy. One is seeing normally, the eyes need not go into a blur. The eyes may fix on one thing or another ... the ugly chair, the table, the child ... but just don't overly think about what is seem. Table is just table, chair is just lovely ugly chair, the child just child (unless playing with candles!) No need to stay rigidly on one spot, and let the eyes drift normally. Don't force things. Blink normally.

Third and final distraction was my son yelling "Poo'd!" into my face while climbing into my lap, and confirming his exclamation with a smell familiar to every parent. There ended my sit after 15 mins :-). I think next time I'll try sitting *just after* changing my son, so that shouldn't repeat!

There is no distraction in this without you being distracted. Diaper change is also Zazen, a sacred ritual. Zazen includes the diaper change and the poo.

There is an old Koan: What is Buddha? Poo.

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Jundo]

Hi Mike,

Be sure you are not forcefully making no thoughts appear. Jundo or others can correct me if I am wrong but the goal is to allow thoughts to pass like clouds in the sky without interfering. Simply acknowledge them and let them go. This is still something I am working on after a year of sitting. It seems every time I recognize a thought it doesn't play out, it simply disappears.

I can relate to having something moving about while you sit. My two cats are always moving about in and out of my vision. Sometimes they will sit right beside me for the duration. Every once and a while I will break and give them a pet. =).

Around the 20 minute mark on some sits i will start to feel some body distortion. It feels like half my body is extremely numb or very heavy or not there. The best example I can come up with is like a stroke victim (but without experiencing a stroke this is a shot in the dark at best). I have been advised to simply ignore this feeling and focus on breath or in this sanghas case shinkantaza.

Glad to hear your first sit went well but remember they will not all be that way some will be a struggle. Don't get attached to the good feelings and how natural this first one felt.

Step one complete only 100,000 more zazen sessions to go!

Sat
James F



Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

Your description feel right to me.

I wonder at the numb feeling. Hmmm. Sitting too unmoving too long and rigidly with minor adjustments? In any case, if it is just that minor sensation, I think the advice is good.

Gassho, J

SatToday

[Anka]

Your description feel right to me.

I wonder at the numb feeling. Hmmm. Sitting too unmoving too long and rigidly with minor adjustments? In any case, if it is just that minor sensation, I think the advice is good.

Gassho, J

SatToday

Hi Jundo,

If I break the posture by leaning forward or stretching the feeling immediately goes away. To clarify it is not as if half my body is actually getting numb it more that the perception of my body by my brain is changing making it seem numb or heavy or not there. It is quite interesting and was unnerving when it first appeared.

Sat
James F

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

[Screature]

Thanks for the responses! I did blink a few times at first, but found my attention being grabbed by the blinking, and the next few seconds became me getting a tiny bit agitated that my eyes won't rest easy, followed by a few more minutes of half-eyes and blur. That's silly I know, we blink for a reason, it's natural. I'll keep your advice in mind and blink normally!

From the sounds of it I was trying to hard to "be aware while not thinking/blinking", and in hindsight I was trying to keep my mind clear, and I understand that's not the way, but practice is Practice! :-)

No, I just used a stack of four fairly hard couch pillows to sit on. They lifted me by about 5 inches and felt supportive enough, but I'd rather be safe so I'll look into a zafu or folded sheets.

Thankyou again for the responses! Must remember, nappy change is zazen also.

Gassho,
Mike

[Jakuden]

Haha as soon as I read the part about the [emoji90]I knew Jundo would tell you that diaper changes were Zazen. I hear he used to put them on the altar sometimes [emoji23]
[emoji120]
Gassho
Jakuden
SatToday


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jundo]

Thanks for the responses! I did blink a few times at first, but found my attention being grabbed by the blinking, and the next few seconds became me getting a tiny bit agitated that my eyes won't rest easy, followed by a few more minutes of half-eyes and blur. That's silly I know, we blink for a reason, it's natural. I'll keep your advice in mind and blink normally!

Just relax and let it happen.

I like driving, and pay it no nevermind. However, if I suddenly had to drive a big bus down a city street for the first time, I would be all tense and trying hard. On the other hand, you just relax and drive. Zazen is like this. Relax. Just Sit in the awareness that this action in this moment is completion, there is nothing else to add or place to go for this time of sitting.

Let me also post what I put on another thread today for someone who had a particularly good "in the zone" sit ...

And this too shall pass! Do not demand or resist if Zazen and life are not so smooth each day. Remember that Zazen changes each day, and that the Moon is always shining on both clear days and when hidden by the clouds. Zazen is the Peace so Peaceful that it sometimes feels peaceful, and sometimes not. The best days perhaps is when moon shines though and illuminates the clouds. All days, clear or cloudy, "Good Zazen."

Gassho, J

SatToday

PS - Yes, I have put dirty diapers on the Altar as our Buddha Statue. Don't have any around the house now with the kids getting bigger, kinda miss 'em. (A little).

[Mp]

I like driving, and pay it no nevermind. However, if I suddenly had to drive a big bus down a city street for the first time, I would be all tense and trying hard. On the other hand, you just relax and drive. Zazen is like this. Relax. Just Sit in the awareness that this action in this moment is completion, there is nothing else to add or place to go for this time of sitting.

What a great description ... spot on. =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Jishin]

Hi Mike,

I just pay attention to my posture. That's all.

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

[Matt]

And this too shall pass! Do not demand or resist if Zazen and life are not so smooth each day. Remember that Zazen changes each day, and that the Moon is always shining on both clear days and when hidden by the clouds. Zazen is the Peace so Peaceful that it sometimes feels peaceful, and sometimes not. The best days perhaps is when moon shines though and illuminates the clouds. All days, clear or cloudy, "Good Zazen."

Thank you for this reminder, Jundo.

Deep bows,
Matt
#SatToday