Hello everyone,
I recently have been contemplating about my relationships with others (or in general with people and society), issues and problems we all have and develop with one another, why this all happens, and how I change myself for the better in regard to how I approach others and life, and I wanted to just share some of the thoughts I had.
There was a day many years ago when I lived in Vermont where I helped a homeless woman pick up a large number of her belongings after she had dropped them off her cart. (I mention this only for a point) I did so out of kindness and to help a fellow human being. However, this is not how she perceived it. Seemingly, she perceiving that I was trying to take her belongings, and so she instantly reacted, snapping loudly at me to leave her stuff alone. I quickly stammered some words, as I tried to explain that I was only trying to help, and that’s when she screamed at me even louder that she didn’t need my help! With her practically foaming mad now, I was absolutely shocked. I had expected she would accept my help. I was incredibly wrong. A crowd of people had now stopped and were watching the scene unfold, and I am not one for causing such scenes. Embarrassed, I dropped her belongings where I stood, nicely of course, and walked away dumbfounded, tomato red in the face, and upset with the situation.
“So much for the Good Samaritan,” I said to a gentlemen gawking at me as I retreated back towards the relative safety of the store I worked in, just wanting the moment to pass. “What the heck is her problem? Is she crazy? I was only trying to help!” I thought as I began to analyze the situation. While I had come to the conclusion that I did nothing wrong and she was the problem, the situation has gnawed at me for many years, however, I never knew why until now.
I now realize that the problem wasn’t with her. Granted, her reaction could have been more positive, but it wasn’t. It was what it was and I now accept it. I even thank her for the lesson. The problem was with my own perception.
I expect too much.
We expect life to be the way we want it to be, when it isn’t. Even though we shouldn’t, we sometimes expect gratitude for good deeds. We expect things to happen instantly, when most things take time. We expect everything to go right, when sometimes it goes left, goes wrong, goes crazy… We expect others to have the same heart as we do, to love the same things, to think like we do, to act certain ways, to be the way you want them to be, and for the world to be… but people somehow go about doing what they want to do and the universe does what it does regardless of what we expect or want. And so, we suffer.
How can we honor the individual if we only expect ourselves? While all is one beyond a oneness, we are also, at the same time, unique expressions of Buddha. When we project our expectations out into the world, we see through lenses colored by those expectations, and somehow we feel that the universe needs to live up to those expectations when it’s really the opposite. Buddha calls for us to ease our expectations, and to accept all as it is, as it comes. Roll with it! Thus we are expected to not expect, but to accept all as it comes, including the individuals we meet through our lives.
So when someone steps outside that colored lens of our expected perspective, we suffer. We get upset, we lose our temper, yell at the driver who cut us off, we demand that service that takes time to happen NOW, we roll our eyes as we wait in line at the grocery store… We also get more abrasive and bitter the longer we hold onto it… some even get violent, start to hate others, and start wars. When we expect nothing, and accept all as it is, and everyone as they are; as wonderful, unique, and beautiful expressions of Buddha…When we do so, we ease our own suffering. But with that acceptance also comes a release for others. A total release from our expectations we project onto them, and in doing so, we ease the suffering of others as well.
I’m not saying however that we shouldn’t have basic expectations like people conducting themselves in a good, helpful, healthful way, and that we shouldn’t help those that are astray. Quite the contrary! While we can accept that sometimes people do the wrong things, whether by choice or ignorance, through our compassion, example, and through expedient means, we can help guide them towards the right path. To making good choices, to educating, and helping all who are suffering… but we must do so to do so. No expectations of outcomes or rewards. Accepting all that comes as it is.
I am grateful now for being yelled at all those years ago, and bow to the woman who taught me this lesson. And so now I accept all expressions, without expectation.
May all sentient beings be free from suffering. Thank you for reading. (Sorry to run long)
Gassho,
Choujou
sat/lah today
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