Practice or no practice.

[MalleableGirlParts]

I didn't know what to title this. I'm not sure if that suits what I'm trying to say. I'm not even sure what it is I AM trying to say.

I haven't done any sitting with the regular evening meditations. I did on Friday, but I think I just interrupted the lengthier 90 minute session because I haven't been paying enough attention to what is going on here. I feel guilty for not engaging more and being more involved. I'm here, but I'm not here. And I keep wanting to post my feelings, but I'm never quite sure if that's okay. But here I am doing it anyway. Not to say that I can't express my feelings, but I don't know if it's acceptable protocol to just create topics and where to do it, if it is.

The good news is that I am sitting Zazen every day, twice a day. Morning and evening. Not an excessive amount, usually between 10 and 20 minutes. I'm surprised at myself at just how much I've been committed to it. How much it calls to me. I look for those free times to sit. Sometimes in a different capacity, like waiting to talk with a counselor at school. I've been trying to be mindful in how I treat things. Treading lightly, as it were. Not making much noise or being rough with objects. I find this greatly satisfying and it helps maintain a clarity in my mind.

I'm reading a lot and scrolling less. I try to read Zen texts of some sort as much as I can in addition to cooking books. I enjoy that. I've also started Nursing school. It's a fair amount between school, work and three small children. I am happy that I'm exposing my kids to this practice. One of my sons has sat with me a few times, at his request. I think I mentioned in the past that I have read to my daughter at bedtime some Zen stories. She seemed to quite enjoy that.

I'm just talking. I'd like to have direct conversation with like-minded people, but that's been tough. Anyway, I'm sure somebody is already thinking about "everyone's personal journey" and all that. I suppose this is my personal journey and although I haven't engaged much, I am still here.

So you know, etc. etc...

Jenn
SAT LAH

[Onkai]

Hi Jenn,

I'm glad you are here! You've got a lot going on, but you're still here!

Gassho,
Onkai

[Jundo]

The good news is that I am sitting Zazen every day, twice a day. Morning and evening. Not an excessive amount, usually between 10 and 20 minutes

Well, that's the main thing. Join in other activities as the help you.

And even thought we sit for awhile, and even though 10 or 20 minutes is an excellent time for sitting ... also remember that Zazen is never a matter of measure. I just quoted this from Master Dogen elsewhere (from Bendowa) ...

"Zazen, even if it is only one human being sitting for one moment, thus enters into mystical cooperation with all dharmas, and completely penetrates all times; and it therefore performs, within the limitless universe, the eternal work of the Buddha’s guiding influence in the past, future, and present. For everyone it is completely the same practice and the same experience. "

Gassho, J
stlah

[MalleableGirlParts]

Hi Jenn,

I'm glad you are here! You've got a lot going on, but you're still here!

Gassho,
Onkai

Hi,

Thank you! I am too.

Jenn
sat lah

[MalleableGirlParts]

Well, that's the main thing. Join in other activities as the help you.

And even thought we sit for awhile, and even though 10 or 20 minutes is an excellent time for sitting ... also remember that Zazen is never a matter of measure. I just quoted this from Master Dogen elsewhere (from Bendowa) ...

"Zazen, even if it is only one human being sitting for one moment, thus enters into mystical cooperation with all dharmas, and completely penetrates all times; and it therefore performs, within the limitless universe, the eternal work of the Buddha’s guiding influence in the past, future, and present. For everyone it is completely the same practice and the same experience. "

Gassho, J
stlah

Thank you! I appreciate the clarification!

Jenn

SAT LAH

[Houzan]

We sit beyond interruptions, so how could you interrupt? If you want to talk about practice, most here will be happy to have a chat, including me. Please feel free to reach out. And it sounds like you are practicing well.

Gassho, Hōzan
satlah

[Bion]

Hi, Jenn! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings. It is indeed appropriate to create a post when you want to share something. That´s what the forum is for.
I empathize with you, as it took me a while to include the sangha in my daily practice. From the beginning I knew that I´d be attending the zazenkai, because after all, I had joined Treeleaf to practice with a sangha, and so it only seemed logical to do that, but my daily practice was very much a solitary thing.. What happened was that the more I was getting involved with the sangha, the more I realized that my practice was supported by everyone here and that my practice was clearly supporting that of others. So I made space for sitting with the sangha daily, chose a sit that worked sort of well with my schedule, adjusted a bit of my schedule (wake up time, basically) joined and committed to showing up. I´m not gonna lie, it helped with my discipline, gave me good motivation, kept the fire fuelled for my practice and is a constant reminder that I am sustained by the sangha. But it took some time to get there...
Do not pressure yourself with guilt, Jenn. Just keep sitting, doing your best and showing up as you can. We are just walking together in the same direction!
Sorry for running a little long.

Gassho
sat lah

[MalleableGirlParts]

We sit beyond interruptions, so how could you interrupt? If you want to talk about practice, most here will be happy to have a chat, including me. Please feel free to reach out. And it sounds like you are practicing well.

Gassho, Hōzan
satlah

Thank you!!

[MalleableGirlParts]

Hi, Jenn! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings. It is indeed appropriate to create a post when you want to share something. That´s what the forum is for.
I empathize with you, as it took me a while to include the sangha in my daily practice. From the beginning I knew that I´d be attending the zazenkai, because after all, I had joined Treeleaf to practice with a sangha, and so it only seemed logical to do that, but my daily practice was very much a solitary thing.. What happened was that the more I was getting involved with the sangha, the more I realized that my practice was supported by everyone here and that my practice was clearly supporting that of others. So I made space for sitting with the sangha daily, chose a sit that worked sort of well with my schedule, adjusted a bit of my schedule (wake up time, basically) joined and committed to showing up. I´m not gonna lie, it helped with my discipline, gave me good motivation, kept the fire fuelled for my practice and is a constant reminder that I am sustained by the sangha. But it took some time to get there...
Do not pressure yourself with guilt, Jenn. Just keep sitting, doing your best and showing up as you can. We are just walking together in the same direction!
Sorry for running a little long.

Gassho
sat lah

Hi,

No, that's not long! Thank you for sharing your story! It always helps me to hear others real life experiences too.

Gassho

Jenn

SAT LAH

[MalleableGirlParts]

Hello Jenn!

I think what you're doing is great, and it sounds like you have a lot you're balancing! You mentioned you'd like conversation with like-minded people: have you thought about visiting one of the "tea houses," or having "tea" with us after zazenkai? Pull up a mug of tea (or metaphorical "tea") with us this Friday after zazenkai (I see you're in the East Coast? It's like... 10:30pm your time I think, if that's not excessively late for you!) I'll be there myself, and it would be lovely to say hello!

Gassho,
Michael

Hi,

Thank you for the suggestion! No, it's not too late. It's just that I work 11-11 so I'm not home and available until 11:40 or so. I'll keep working on the timing!

Gassho

Jenn

sat lah

[ZenJay]

I didn't know what to title this. I'm not sure if that suits what I'm trying to say. I'm not even sure what it is I AM trying to say.

I haven't done any sitting with the regular evening meditations. I did on Friday, but I think I just interrupted the lengthier 90 minute session because I haven't been paying enough attention to what is going on here. I feel guilty for not engaging more and being more involved. I'm here, but I'm not here. And I keep wanting to post my feelings, but I'm never quite sure if that's okay. But here I am doing it anyway. Not to say that I can't express my feelings, but I don't know if it's acceptable protocol to just create topics and where to do it, if it is.

The good news is that I am sitting Zazen every day, twice a day. Morning and evening. Not an excessive amount, usually between 10 and 20 minutes. I'm surprised at myself at just how much I've been committed to it. How much it calls to me. I look for those free times to sit. Sometimes in a different capacity, like waiting to talk with a counselor at school. I've been trying to be mindful in how I treat things. Treading lightly, as it were. Not making much noise or being rough with objects. I find this greatly satisfying and it helps maintain a clarity in my mind.

I'm reading a lot and scrolling less. I try to read Zen texts of some sort as much as I can in addition to cooking books. I enjoy that. I've also started Nursing school. It's a fair amount between school, work and three small children. I am happy that I'm exposing my kids to this practice. One of my sons has sat with me a few times, at his request. I think I mentioned in the past that I have read to my daughter at bedtime some Zen stories. She seemed to quite enjoy that.

I'm just talking. I'd like to have direct conversation with like-minded people, but that's been tough. Anyway, I'm sure somebody is already thinking about "everyone's personal journey" and all that. I suppose this is my personal journey and although I haven't engaged much, I am still here.

So you know, etc. etc...

Jenn
SAT LAH

Hi Jenn,

Thank you for sharing! I completely understand as I also sometimes find it hard to share my thoughts or feelings. I know a lot of my own comes from self esteem and confidence issues from my past, but we all have our own journey we’re on. What I love about our Sangha though is that the need for “alone time” is recognized and respected, but the support and community is also there when you need it, and from some of the greatest people I have ever had the chance to meet and talk to.

I think what you’re doing is fantastic! It sounds like you have deepened your practice on your own and that is just wonderful! Im also trying to read more, scroll less… If you don’t mind me asking, what have you been reading? (I love books- I’m currently waiting on “The Mind of Clover” by Robert Aitken, which covers ethics and the precepts. It was suggested to me by a Sangha member as a good one to read during Ango)

Gassho,
Jay

Sat/lah today

[MalleableGirlParts]

Hi Jenn,

Thank you for sharing! I completely understand as I also sometimes find it hard to share my thoughts or feelings. I know a lot of my own comes from self esteem and confidence issues from my past, but we all have our own journey we’re on. What I love about our Sangha though is that the need for “alone time” is recognized and respected, but the support and community is also there when you need it, and from some of the greatest people I have ever had the chance to meet and talk to.

I think what you’re doing is fantastic! It sounds like you have deepened your practice on your own and that is just wonderful! Im also trying to read more, scroll less… If you don’t mind me asking, what have you been reading? (I love books- I’m currently waiting on “The Mind of Clover” by Robert Aitken, which covers ethics and the precepts. It was suggested to me by a Sangha member as a good one to read during Ango)

Gassho,
Jay

Sat/lah today

Hi!

I think my issue with sharing is really about me not hijacking the forum or posting irrelevant things. I don't mind sharing about myself with people. I quite enjoy it, but I can definitely tend to ramble on.

I don't ever mind questions!! And I love books too! If I could somehow have a life where I rent a corner of the Strand bookstore in NYC and live there, I totally would. Lol

I have a lot of them, on lots of subjects and also lots of fiction. In fact, the very first books I ever bought (my dad bought for me actually), I still have here on my bookshelf. I was probably...seven maybe? A book on Judo and a book on Jeet June Do.

Anyway, I'm reading "The Art of Living" by Thich Nhat Hanh and "Country Cooking of Ireland" on the Hoopla app. I also have "Silence and Noise: Growing up Zen in America" and "The Most Important Point" physically from the library. I go back and forth into "Three Pillars of Zen" and "Mindfulness: a Practical Guide to Awakening". Oh, and "The Story Collector" by Evie Woods. That's my fiction book right now.

Nothing like being present for one thing at a time..hehe. Also, I have Anatomy and Physiology and Nursing Concepts for school.

I know, I'm all over, but I try to gain interesting perspectives from different sources. I find inspiration for one aspect of life in places you'd never expect. Tennis and cooking don't seem to have much in common, but you'd be surprised. Or weight training and meditation. Then of course there's a Zen approach to better experience any thing we do.

I'll stop. I'm keyed up tonight. I got rear ended earlier on my way home from school. But nobody's hurt and I definitely noticed I was quickly able to let go of my anger. Better than I would have in the past so that's good.

Gasshō (I almost wrote yahoo there)

Jenn
Sat lah

[Bion]

Hi!

I think my issue with sharing is really about me not hijacking the forum or posting irrelevant things. I don't mind sharing about myself with people. I quite enjoy it, but I can definitely tend to ramble on.

Gasshō (I almost wrote yahoo there)

Jenn
Sat lah

Well, that's why we have different topics of discussion, like Practice, All of Life, Health, Eco etc I think we simply want to find a balance, between journaling and using the forum to receive teachings, to get answers, to receive support for our practice and to support others' practice. Jundo's always invited us to ponder how much we write or talk, how much of it is needed or useful, and then act accordingly. So you, know.. no set rule. In between the face-to-face practice, tea houses, PMs and the forum, we get to know each other and form bonds, so all of it important.
You are definitely not hijacking anything, and though something might not be relevant for others, it could be for you!

Yahoo to you too

sat lah

[Heiso]

I am happy that I'm exposing my kids to this practice. One of my sons has sat with me a few times, at his request. I think I mentioned in the past that I have read to my daughter at bedtime some Zen stories. She seemed to quite enjoy that.

This sound very familiar. There were times not long ago that one or both of my kids would wake up early while I was sitting zazen, and they'd come in and switch the cartoons on. So we sat with the cartoons on, it's all practice. I'm glad you're here.

Gassho,
Heiso
StLah

[MalleableGirlParts]

I just realized that signature is attaching to my posts. ????