Impatience duing Zazen and Mindfulness

[Douglas]

Hello everyone! I was doing Zazen the other day, and one of the things I noticed is that seemingly, above all the other thoughts that came up, one was more prevalent than all others, and that is impatience. As I was being mindful throughout the day, I noticed that this same impatience pervaded things.

I'm sure this isn't unusual, but this thought and experience seem to come up more often than others like sadness or frustration.

What is your experience while practicing with impatience? Do you experience it like I do and as often?

Gassho,
Doug
SAT/LAH

[Bion]

Hi, Douglas! That is an observation I made about myself too. Not necessarily during zazen but in general. I catch myself being quick to respond to things, quick to react, sometimes I want phone calls to end cause I get impatient, even with close people or sometimes I ruin food cause I am in a rush.
Within Zen Practice we have our forms, which are a very stable ground upon which one can stand to engage with practice. You know: bow here, hold the hands like this, gassho like that, turn this way.. etc
I pay attention to myself for example when I bow to my zafu before and after zazen or right before sitting after I’ve swayed a bit. Sometimes I rush the bows and they become incomplete or unfinished. I once noticed it and since then it’s been something that I come back to continuously as an exercise of self-evaluation and reflection. Do I finish the action or do I rush it? That can apply to so much in life!! I think if we appreciate every action as important and valuable, we can begin to engage in them with more patience and care, because every moment is unique and will never repeat itself, and that deserves all our attention. Sometimes we can even show care and mindfulness while rushing or multitasking.

Sorry about running long. Please take these as the words of a training novice monk with much to learn.

gassho
sat and lah

[Douglas]

Hi, Douglas! That is an observation I made about myself too. Not necessarily during zazen but in general. I catch myself being quick to respond to things, quick to react, sometimes I want phone calls to end cause I get impatient, even with close people or sometimes I ruin food cause I am in a rush.
Within Zen Practice we have our forms, which are a very stable ground upon which one can stand to engage with practice. You know: bow here, hold the hands like this, gassho like that, turn this way.. etc
I pay attention to myself for example when I bow to my zafu before and after zazen or right before sitting after I’ve swayed a bit. Sometimes I rush the bows and they become incomplete or unfinished. I once noticed it and since then it’s been something that I come back to continuously as an exercise of self-evaluation and reflection. Do I finish the action or do I rush it? That can apply to so much in life!! I think if we appreciate every action as important and valuable, we can begin to engage in them with more patience and care, because every moment is unique and will never repeat itself, and that deserves all our attention. Sometimes we can even show care and mindfulness while rushing or multitasking.

Sorry about running long. Please take these as the words of a training novice monk with much to learn.

gassho
sat and lah

Hello Bion,

This is very helpful and insightful. I had not thought of the forms as important in that way.

gassho,
SAT/LAH

[Jundo]

Hi Doug,

The rock is not impatient with the passing days. The mountain is not impatient for the snows to melt. The earth is not impatient to circle the sun. Only sentient beings are impatient to get what they want, or get away from what they don't want.. Frankly, we have to be so sometimes in order to live, survive, as humans. I am impatient when stuck in traffic, in a long grocery line, when the bus is late etc. etc. Sometimes in Zazen, I am impatient for the bell to ring. I think that even Dogen was sometimes impatient, maybe even the Buddha ... because they were human beings.

But our practice is not to be a prisoner of impatience so much, to let the bus come when it comes, the traffic to flow when it flows, even if part of us is not happy with the situation. It is good practice. So, maybe our way ... like thinking-non-thinking ... is "impatience non-impatience" ... e.g., accepting that the bus is not here EVEN AS we also check our watch and look down the road every minute, wishing it was here.

Gassho, J

stlah

[Koushi]

Hi Doug,

I can only echo Jundo mostly. I've found that for me, impatience is directly attributed to a want to avoid something.

Impatience while sitting? I want to avoid boredom, pain in my bad knee, or an intense feeling/emotion/thought.

Impatience at work? I want to avoid the "beginner's period" of learning a new area, the meeting that could have been an email, the email that should have been a meeting.

Impatience with family? Please just see it my way! How dare you have to experience things on your own!

It's doing as the others stated above that's helped: Acceptance, allowance, letting what-is just be what-is. And there's a good chance that if a feeling/thought starts with "I..." I'm already in trouble.

Gassho,
Koushi
ST

[Guest]

Hi Doug,

I find that, like most people, I run into wanting to have another experience other than the one that I am already having, which can lead to impatience. In other words, somehow there is a judgement of this present moment experience that it is unsatisfactory and wanting to get on to something else. I think this is a very common experience. So, it makes sense that impatience would be the most common reaction to wanting to get somewhere else, other than here and now. Over the years, I have found that arriving right here in this moment, as it is with all of its ups and downs, and my responses to it, which include all my likes and dislikes is the fullness of this very experience and there is no need to try to go beyond it. Of course it will come up again and again, and again because we are human. But, in our practice, we can see that it is happening and then recognize that we do not need to be pulled around by it and just arrive here in this moment which contains all moments, past, present, and future. When impatience arrives, it is often us putting the cart before the horse; and so in our practice, we do our best to keep everything in its rightful place. Not always easy, but that is why we call it practice.....we just keep doing it over and over.

Please take what I say with a big pinch of salt, as I am only a priest in training and still have much to learn. May your practice continue to nourish your life.

Gassho,
Daiman
ST/LAH