How to conceal/convince someone of the practice?

[Tairin]

Buddhism is just a label. I can almost guarantee that this word means something different to you than to others in your family.

For me, I don’t hide my Practice. My Zen and other Buddhist books are on a bookshelf in our living room and easy to see should anyone look. If no one asks me questions then I don’t bring it up. Meanwhile I just try to live gently in accord with the Precepts.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Ryker]

Buddhism is just a label. I can almost guarantee that this word means something different to you than to others in your family.

For me, I don’t hide my Practice. My Zen and other Buddhist books are on a bookshelf in our living room and easy to see should anyone look. If no one asks me questions then I don’t bring it up. Meanwhile I just try to live gently in accord with the Precepts.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

One day I hope to be able to do that as well, for the foreseeable future when we move I'll be living "under her roof" in that she owns the place before it's passed down to me.

So I would HOPE we can do whatever we want inside of it, within reason (like no home construction obviously).

Gasshō, Ryker
Sat today

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[Alina]

Hello Ryker,

Your post hit very close to home for me, so I took some time to think before answering. Where I grew up, anything that is not catholic, is pagan = wrong. If you add to that that in Buddhism there is no soul, and that Zen buddhists dress in black (which my mother refuses to wear because she sees the black color as reserved for mourning), well, my practice has been frowned upon to say the least. I've always been very quiet about it, I've never had an altar, just like Nengei said above, all you really need is a zafu. My books are in my bookshelf now but that's only because we live far away from family, if I had to share the same house with them I'd have to be more careful just to keep the situation livable.

I used to feel pretty bad about this, I wanted to be seen, to be accepted. I did not expect them to join me in my practice, just to accept that I walk a different path in life. What helped me find peace with this issue was realizing that Zen is my path (can't say why, I just know it in my heart) and I don't really need their approval or understanding to continue with my practice. I will probably never receive from them the support I longed for, and that is OK, just the way things are (it took me ages to process and accept and let go and process and accept and let go and etc to finally be able to say this...).

You've already received very good advice here, all I think I can add is that maybe, if you evaluate your expectations about your relationship with her, see what you'd like vs what is now possible, then maybe you'll find more peace living with someone who does not approve your choices. I hope all goes well and that you'll eventually reach a place of understanding in your relationship, or at least, peaceful coexistence. Good luck!

(Sorry to run so long, I couldn't find how to say this more briefly)


Gassho,

Alina
stlah

[Ryker]

Hello Ryker,

Your post hit very close to home for me, so I took some time to think before answering. Where I grew up, anything that is not catholic, is pagan = wrong. If you add to that that in Buddhism there is no soul, and that Zen buddhists dress in black (which my mother refuses to wear because she sees the black color as reserved for mourning), well, my practice has been frowned upon to say the least. I've always been very quiet about it, I've never had an altar, just like Nengei said above, all you really need is a zafu. My books are in my bookshelf now but that's only because we live far away from family, if I had to share the same house with them I'd have to be more careful just to keep the situation livable.

I used to feel pretty bad about this, I wanted to be seen, to be accepted. I did not expect them to join me in my practice, just to accept that I walk a different path in life. What helped me find peace with this issue was realizing that Zen is my path (can't say why, I just know it in my heart) and I don't really need their approval or understanding to continue with my practice. I will probably never receive from them the support I longed for, and that is OK, just the way things are (it took me ages to process and accept and let go and process and accept and let go and etc to finally be able to say this...).

You've already received very good advice here, all I think I can add is that maybe, if you evaluate your expectations about your relationship with her, see what you'd like vs what is now possible, then maybe you'll find more peace living with someone who does not approve your choices. I hope all goes well and that you'll eventually reach a place of understanding in your relationship, or at least, peaceful coexistence. Good luck!

(Sorry to run so long, I couldn't find how to say this more briefly)


Gassho,

Alina
stlah

Wow, Alina thank u very much for this.
I feel a lot from this as from everyone else's (posts) of course, but this one really hit home with reliability, like on the nose.

I'll pretty much be combining what everyone said, taking parts of wisdom from everyone so thank u for adding to it.
I also like the part of where u said "that Zen is my path (can't say why, I just know it in my heart) and I don't really need their approval or understanding to continue with my practice. I will probably never receive from them the support I longed for, and that is OK..."

I agree, iv always come back to Buddhism since I was younger, I only wish I had started this journey sooner, but on the other note, ur right, I may never get the acceptance or support that I long for from my mother but that's okay.

I hope I can really feel that and experience it someday as well.

Thank you
Sorry for running long,

Gasshō, Ryker
Sat today/Lah

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