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Hello everyone!
In the Appendix, Toni discusses “Blaming yourself for being sick.”
How many of us do this? She speaks of this in a rather straightforward manner, although I’m not sure all of us see it as “It’s my fault that I’m sick.” In my lower moments, I tend to rehash the first twenty years of my life and think “If only I hadn’t done such and such” or “I wonder if perhaps this incident hadn’t happened” and etc., even so far back as to parental influences and beyond. All rather useless ruminating, but then as my husband and daughter sometimes point out – if a healthy diet alone were a cure for what ails us, then I should be the healthiest of all of us.
My point to that is that sometimes there is no reason, and often we can’t determine the reason – things just are as they are, which brings me to Toni’s main points in this section.
- “We’d never speak as harshly to others as we do to ourselves.” (Mary Grace Orr)
- Disidentify from your inner critic.
- Perform tonglen for others who also blame themselves for being sick. Breathe in their suffering. Breathe out kindness, peace and compassion –
whatever you are able give. Since this is a shared experience of a community, you will also be healing yourself.
- Any metta phrases you have chosen for yourself – practice them.
- If and when you notice thoughts of self-blame for being sick – acknowledge, and drop the thought. Return to the present moment, gently.
- Practice the three breath exercise to bring yourself out of your stories and ground yourself in your body.
- Take regular breaks from discursive thinking before it becomes a whole narrative of stress.
- Practice Byron Katie’s exercise of stating what you are doing NOW. For example: “Person typing sentence, sitting in chair.” Earlier, “Person
reading book, sitting on couch.”
- Remember that anything can change, any time. A person who is well one day, can be sick the next. A person who is fully able-bodied one hour,
can be injured and disabled the next. No one is immune from things happening and changing. Moods, emotions, and feelings change like the
weather – they come and they go. Nothing is permanent – everything passes.
- Muhindra-ji’s practice – question the identity of being a sick person – are we sick, or is there a sickness here? Who are we? What is our
identity? What or who do you identify as?
Questions for thought –
- How do you feel about Byron Katie’s exercises for releasing ourselves from blame narratives and ingrained identities? Are they helpful for you?
- Do you now, or did you ever, struggle with self-blame for your illness? Are there practices that you find helpful to releasing the narratives?
- Have Toni’s suggested practices for self-care and compassion been helpful for you? Are there other exercises that you would suggest or that you would add to her regimen?
- Caregivers – have you found Toni’s exercises adaptable in supporting your role as caregivers? Have you experienced any self-blame in your role as caregivers? Have Toni’s suggested practices supported you in practicing compassion and kindness for yourself in caring for your loved one, and love for yourself as an individual? What practices or meditations work for you in releasing self-blame and practicing lovingkindness towards yourself?
- Is there anything else that you would add to this section – on or off-topic?
Gassho, meian st lh
__________________________________________________
Hello everyone!
In the Appendix, Toni discusses “Blaming yourself for being sick.”
How many of us do this? She speaks of this in a rather straightforward manner, although I’m not sure all of us see it as “It’s my fault that I’m sick.” In my lower moments, I tend to rehash the first twenty years of my life and think “If only I hadn’t done such and such” or “I wonder if perhaps this incident hadn’t happened” and etc., even so far back as to parental influences and beyond. All rather useless ruminating, but then as my husband and daughter sometimes point out – if a healthy diet alone were a cure for what ails us, then I should be the healthiest of all of us.
My point to that is that sometimes there is no reason, and often we can’t determine the reason – things just are as they are, which brings me to Toni’s main points in this section.
- “We’d never speak as harshly to others as we do to ourselves.” (Mary Grace Orr)
- Disidentify from your inner critic.
- Perform tonglen for others who also blame themselves for being sick. Breathe in their suffering. Breathe out kindness, peace and compassion –
whatever you are able give. Since this is a shared experience of a community, you will also be healing yourself.
- Any metta phrases you have chosen for yourself – practice them.
- If and when you notice thoughts of self-blame for being sick – acknowledge, and drop the thought. Return to the present moment, gently.
- Practice the three breath exercise to bring yourself out of your stories and ground yourself in your body.
- Take regular breaks from discursive thinking before it becomes a whole narrative of stress.
- Practice Byron Katie’s exercise of stating what you are doing NOW. For example: “Person typing sentence, sitting in chair.” Earlier, “Person
reading book, sitting on couch.”
- Remember that anything can change, any time. A person who is well one day, can be sick the next. A person who is fully able-bodied one hour,
can be injured and disabled the next. No one is immune from things happening and changing. Moods, emotions, and feelings change like the
weather – they come and they go. Nothing is permanent – everything passes.
- Muhindra-ji’s practice – question the identity of being a sick person – are we sick, or is there a sickness here? Who are we? What is our
identity? What or who do you identify as?
Questions for thought –
- How do you feel about Byron Katie’s exercises for releasing ourselves from blame narratives and ingrained identities? Are they helpful for you?
- Do you now, or did you ever, struggle with self-blame for your illness? Are there practices that you find helpful to releasing the narratives?
- Have Toni’s suggested practices for self-care and compassion been helpful for you? Are there other exercises that you would suggest or that you would add to her regimen?
- Caregivers – have you found Toni’s exercises adaptable in supporting your role as caregivers? Have you experienced any self-blame in your role as caregivers? Have Toni’s suggested practices supported you in practicing compassion and kindness for yourself in caring for your loved one, and love for yourself as an individual? What practices or meditations work for you in releasing self-blame and practicing lovingkindness towards yourself?
- Is there anything else that you would add to this section – on or off-topic?
Gassho, meian st lh
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