I feel a bit like I let myself down. After taking care of my health all these years, keeping my weight down and eating healthy, I end up with IBS/colitis/lactose intolerance. Maybe if I knew I was going to get this, I would have behaved more like Keith Richards.
The story of Marianne with two weeks to live but not letting it affect her practice was really something. One of my symptoms is the sudden onset of nausea. The only fix for that, so far, is to immediately drop whatever I'm doing and eat something and maybe some peppermint tea. I don't mind sitting zazen with achy knees, a headache or a sore back, but I confess that I have cut my sittings short, zazenkai too, to kill this nausea. I'll go back and make up for it later but I feel like I wimped out. Marianne sounds like she was a lioness and I feel like a kitten.
The story of Marianne with two weeks to live but not letting it affect her practice was really something. One of my symptoms is the sudden onset of nausea. The only fix for that, so far, is to immediately drop whatever I'm doing and eat something and maybe some peppermint tea. I don't mind sitting zazen with achy knees, a headache or a sore back, but I confess that I have cut my sittings short, zazenkai too, to kill this nausea. I'll go back and make up for it later but I feel like I wimped out. Marianne sounds like she was a lioness and I feel like a kitten.
I think it is very easy to compare ourselves to people who are "doing it right" or somehow doing better in similar or worse circumstances to us. Illnesses, and caring responsibilities, come in all shapes and sizes and we can only deal with what is put in front of us in the best way that we can.
Nausea is a horrible symptom and I can totally understand having to cut your Zazen short to deal with that. As Jundo would probably say - in that circumstances, working with your nausea *is* your Zazen.
I imagine that there were other times that Marianne was a kitten too. That story definitely seems to have struck a chord with many of us.
Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-
Comment