Buddha-Basics (Part VI) — Speaking Right

[Jundo]

We continue our stroll along the Eightfold Path with Right Speech, the first of three branches devoted to ‘Ethical Conduct’ …

The words passing our lips have power to be weapons or constructive tools, to help or hurt others, express care or disdain, make enemies or friends, start wars or bring peace.

The Buddha advised that we should:

…abstain from false speech, especially deliberate lies…
…abstain from slanderous speech and words used maliciously against others…
…abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others…
…abstain from idle gossip.

This means that we should, as best we can amid the complexities of life, seek to tell the truth, to speak lovingly, warmly and gently, and to be careful in our words.

Thich Nhat Hanh has sometimes worded it this way:

Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.

CLICK HERE for today’s Sit-A-Long video.

Remember: recording ends soon after the beginning bells; a sitting time of 15 to 35 minutes is recommended.

[Ishin]

I am inspired to write to this for two reasons.

One I am sure Jundo would like to know that someone actually is watching these. Thank you so much for posting these wonderful lessons.

Second, I wish to humbly offer my observations on correcting children as the father of three. It is of course appropriate to correct children, however Yelling and Screaming at them is not. It is possible that discipline itself be calm quiet and loving. When children are misbehaving then this is a great opportunity for teaching. Why do you want them to do or not do something? Sometimes your children are just being kids and driving you crazy. Maybe YOU are the one who needs time out If you are calm, but often critical and demeaning then this can be just as harmful. Indeed having children is a great vehicle for constant practice!

What I really want to speak to here is balance. If you are only talking to your kids when you need to correct them, then this isn't balanced. I have found that complimenting them when they are doing something RIGHT is just as important. Acknowledging their good behavior, showing your appreciation for what they are doing well, praising them for being GOOD works wonders!!! And by the way this works even better if you and your significant other provide an example by doing this with each other.
I had my 8 year old son say to me recently "Dad, thanks for working so hard for us." Wow!

[Eugene]

Thank you both for this teaching. I too am listening to all the talks and am listening deeply.

I just started practicing Zazen and am mindful that I should not practice with an end in mind. Just sit...
nevertheless I do hope that over time I will become a better husband, better father, better leader and fellow human being. At times these seem to be conflicting thoughts, yet that is how I feel. Is this wrong?

eugene

[Jundo]

Thank you both for this teaching. I too am listening to all the talks and am listening deeply.

I just started practicing Zazen and am mindful that I should not practice with an end in mind. Just sit...
nevertheless I do hope that over time I will become a better husband, better father, better leader and fellow human being. At times these seem to be conflicting thoughts, yet that is how I feel. Is this wrong?

eugene

Hi Eugene,

No, not wrong at all. I do believe that this practice makes us with time better and gentler people, friends, spouses, moms and dads, citizens of the world.

It is just that, hand in hand, we also learn to live free of need to be beyond just this.

How to say? Maybe we "get and make better" even as, simultaneously, we also learn freedom from all need to "get and make better". Both at once, as one. A "cake-no-cake and non-eating it too" Practice!

Gassho, J

[Shokai]

Thank you _/\_, I too read and listen

[Joryu]

[Shugen]

Gassho,
Shugen

#sattoday




Shugen
明道 修眼

[Byokan]

Gassho
Lisa
sat today

[Kokuu]

Ah, I have one of those statues and I always thought it was a naga. Good to know the story behind it. Mine has seven heads.

Gassho
Kokuu
#sattoday

[Dave d]

Gasho,
Dave sat today.

[Josan]

Thank you Jundo. I'm trying to imagine Buddha as my mother and my mother as Buddha
Gassho,
David
sattoday

[Catherine]

Thank you Jundo for these talks which I am finding particularly relevant in association with the beginners talks on sitting. Right speech - and particularly the non-speech of silence have long been a preoccupation for me. I have often found myself judging others who speak too much (an irritation in which my small mind has indulged itself) and my impatience with this can make itself known in non-verbal ways - little gestures which I realise now are a form of harmful speech. Conversely, while I try to exercise diplomacy in speech by not interrupting others or talking over them, I know that anxious situations can lead me to speak too directly, an intemperence for which I have chastised myself in the past. I'm learning that sitting and being patient with my impatience (while not thinking that it's ok) might bring the stillness which will keep me from hurting others. I say 'might' because I am still a novice sitter and have a great deal to learn but what I'm learning from others has given me faith.
Thanks to all who have posted on this,
Gassho,
Cathy
Sat today

[Troy]

Thank you


..sat2day•
合掌

[Jika]

[Cyd]

Sat2day