Limited feelings for others

[Patrick Fain]

Hi,

I have a problem that may hinder my practice. It is said that a Buddhist will experience joy and happiness as he practices Buddhism and learns more about it. I have a hinderance in achieving this. The medication's I take to treat a psychotic disorder as well as possible sociopathic personality disorder limit my ability to truly feel much for other people, and also joy.

I have improved my ability to practice Shikantaza and while I have experienced the peace of reduced thinking, and presence in the moment. I feel a lack exists due to a general emptiness for emotions or love, and joy. Can anyone offer any advice or insight on how to accept or move forward from this seemingly unfixable lack? Good day

sat/Lah

Patrick Fain

[Junsho]

Hi Patrick,

I am not a teacher, so consider this just a friend advice.

One of Shakyamuni Buddha’s teachings is to do good and do not do bad. Plain and simple.

You don’t really need to feel something to spread good Dharma seeds. Live the present moment by moment, with equanimity, with a zazen mind, mindful of every moment around and eventually you may have the answers that you are looking for. Like a garden, take care of your seeds and you will collect beautiful fruits.

Gassho!
SatLah

[FNJ]

I feel you brother! I am not a teacher or priest here but I have been practicing for a few years.

You have suggested that you have heard somewhere that we are supposed to feel some way or another as Buddhist meditators. My understanding is that rather than trying to be one way or another, we are open to how we are truly feeling.

If Joy and feeling happy for others is something that you would like to experience I do think that it might be possible. Acknowledging the feeling of wanting to have that experience, is in itself a major step forward in any case.

The question that comes up for me naturally is why is this current state of (numbness!?) that you describe, undesirable to you. Please feel free to message me personally. But I also think it's quite likely one of the priests here would be able to talk to you as well.

All the best!

Sat LAH
Gassho
Niall

[Jundo]

Hi Patrick,

I am not a teacher, so consider this just a friend advice.

One of Shakyamuni Buddha’s teachings is to do good and do not do bad. Plain and simple.

You don’t really need to feel something to spread good Dharma seeds. Live the present moment by moment, with equanimity, with a zazen mind, mindful of every moment around and eventually you may have the answers that you are looking for. Like a garden, take care of your seeds and you will collect beautiful fruits.

Gassho!
SatLah

I approve what Junsho said here.

First, with conditions like you describe, Patrick, make sure you only engage in Zen practice and Zazen/meditation with the approval of your mental health doctors and professionals.

Second, act --as if-- you feel love and caring for other, and do good not bad in the way Junsho suggests, even if you feel you are not fully feeling so. In Buddhism, it is the intent that counts most, and the act done, even if we cannot fully feel it. In fact, perhaps your emotions will someday "catch up" to your "as if" acting, or maybe they actually give you some advantage you discover on the path. However, what is most important is that you live gently and with generosity in the world. Maybe some part of your brain can feel it, even if unconsciously.

Third, I would say that Zen --is not-- about feeling joy and happiness all the time. It is rather about a total embracing and acceptance of the world, including your embracing of your health condition. You embrace your health condition, and accept it, even as you seek treatment for it. Also, it is a kind of equanimity of "Joy" (Big J) that does not need to feel joy (little j), and is even "happy to be sad in life sometimes." It is like the time my mother died, and I felt grief, but I accepted and embraced that I felt grief in that time as a healthy human emotion.

So, practice such acceptance and equanimity, and be gentle and act in caring ways. I am sure that it will register in some part of your heart.

Gassho, Jundo
stlah