I Forget…

[Onki]

Hey All!

Question: How do you manage forgetfulness? Are there any accommodations you use? Strategies?

Gasshō,

On

[Daniel M.]

Greetings Onki,
As an autistic person who also has ADHD (and also has the misfortune of being wrongly placed in high responsibility jobs), I have had to learn to organize myself in different ways. I am very effective managing my time--I am never late, and am good with deadlines--but my struggle is remembering appointments and tasks, as well as multitasking. I have to do one thing at a time, from start to finish, before moving to another task, or else I get completely derailed. Some tools that I have used to organize myself:

1. Post It Notes--Much to the chagrin of co-workers and my wife, I am addicted to Post It Notes. I use them as lists, reminders, and triggers (like things I have to mentally dismiss to make room for with my limited executive function capacity, to think about later). I buy big packs, and assign different colors to different tasks (orange is daily list, purple is weekly list, blue is notes to others, etc).As noted, my labyrinth of multicolored notes everywhere drives other people crazy, which is why I don't use them as much as I used to.
2. Google Calendar--I live and die by my electronic calendar. EVERYTHING goes on there--kid's dentist appointments, oil change reminders, daily sits, birthdays, deadlines--everything. I check it before going to bed for the next day, mornings when I wake up, and weekly on Sundays for the upcoming week. If I don't, I will forget. I also have a system by which I can schedule things easily, which brings me to my last tool...
3. AI--I am not a fan of this, either as a concept or as a specific thing, but a good tool is a good tool, and this is one. I use Claude integrations with my Iphone to link with my calendar and also for helping me organize thoughts, save time with work tedium, and all kinds of tasks. For someone who struggles with focus, executive function, and energy (I have chronic illness as well), this has been invaluable. I don't know if links are allowed, but if you are interested in youtube videos that have helped with this, let me know.

Thanks for introducing this topic!

Gasshō/satlah,
Daniel

[Junsho]

Hi Onki,

For a long time I suffered from memory problems caused by excessive work and stressful environments. For me, the best approaches were (tested and approved):

- For repetitive tasks: use checklists. Pilots use them all the time to avoid mistakes in their procedures. This strategy is the number one in everything that I do.

- As Daniel said: use Post notes. Just put them everywhere.

- Reinforce your actions: to avoid acting automatically, try to say to yourself what you are doing each time you perform an action. For example: “I am putting this notebook here in this cabinet.”

- Another thing, this one I learned from Kotei : try to use both hands when doing tasks. It helps you remember and be mindful.

Good luck in your memory journey

Gassho and deep bows.
SatLah

[Myo-jin]

Not diagnosed but most likely on the spectrum.

Some people have minds like filing cabinets. My mind is like a big table, everything is there, I know where it is, but if I’m not careful some things fall onto the floor under the table and get forgotten about.

When I was in the army I just had to focus more and develop strategies to counter my forgetfulness. The military system is merciless and you either adapt or go under. The one thing that I did learn is to always start any job or arrive at any location ahead of time. Better early than late. Late isn’t a valid option in those situations.

Later, in university that attitude helped manage my time and various deadlines without forgetting or getting flustered. Knowing my tendency to get distracted I would set myself up to get reports done ahead of time, writing them soon after receiving them as last minute work would be bad quality or it was submitted at all. On that basis both my undergraduate dissertation and my PhD thesis were both finished ahead of time.
The last thing I wanted was a last minute panic.

This worked not because I’m organized, although some people think I am organized, I’m actually just overcompensating for my forgetful tendencies. I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t make the time I’d forget altogether and end up submitting sub-standard work or submitting it late.

In daily life too, I have patterns and routines that are automated. Forget where I left my keys? Trace it back to the things I do when I get home. Bill needs paying, do it as soon as I see it, before I forget.

In short, my approach is to recognize the tendency to forgetfulness, and to compensate.

Gassho

Sattlah

Myojin

[Koriki]

Memory problems weren't an issue for me until I became ill, so I've needed to figure out a system since then. I have a giant white board in my office that hosts my ongoing projects, Buddhist studies tasks, general tasks needing done, etc. I get way too much pleasure erasing something I have completed. I also use a whiteboard calendar to keep track of my wife's schedule as I could never remember when she was working, going away with friends, etc.

Additionally, I use a blank notebook on my desk where I put my daily lists. I'll write down what I want to do that day, cross it off if done, and also write down unplanned things that I've done. If my wife asks me what I did today I can go grab my list as I typically can't remember much of what I did without it. It also helps me remember what to write down for the next day's list.

I do like Google Calendar a lot for appointments. I use notepad in Windows for a variety of things - from notes for reading assignments, to jotting down thoughts, etc. I usually just leave it up with a bunch of tabs open. I write TL replies in it before posting (like this one). This gives me a chance to ponder what I'm going to say vs just typing in the reply box and posting.

Gassho,
Koriki
s@lah

[Seido-nigo]

Dear Onki ,

This is a hard one because there can be several reasons for forgetfulness and they sometimes need different solutions. Everyone here has shared some wonderful resources and my thoughts overlap somewhat with theirs.

If I could make a suggestion, it has helped me to take a step back first and reflect on the ways my brain does remember, and to work with my brain rather than against it or force it into an external system. The system that works is not the one that works for everyone or has the most evidence, but the one that feels most intuitive and comfortable to you. You do not need to suffer to live.

The hardest part is probably not the app or the system but applying the rule e.g. regularly updating your calendar, regularly making a to-do list, writing things down immediately when you know you have to remember them.

Concrete examples from my own life and hopefully they will translate for you or resonate with your own experience.

Remembering timelines, appointments, far off deadlines:
I use multiple systems, in part similar to Myo-jin in overcompensating and also because a system with a certain degree of redundancy is resilient to failure of a single system.

My brain remembers things that I see, that are visual with colour denoting meaning rather than words. Time does not feel linear to me and the now is not connected to the far off. So I create linearity and visuals. Similar to Koriki with his white board, I have a yearly and monthly calendar (download for free at Calendarpedia) printed and laminated on massive A0 paper, which I stick on my wall using 3M velcro wall strips. I use white board markers to write events in different colour depending on the type of event. I regularly update this and it’s a comforting activity like pruning a bonsai. I also, like Myojin, prepare things and plan in advance, usually more than is needed to give buffer room for potential life imploding.

Integration of apps (whichever calendar, reminder, task manager, note app you use) across devices is really important. If I’m on the go and suddenly remember that I forgot something or that I need to do something, I can add it on my iPhone wherever I am and it will then also show up on my laptop. If I don’t do it at that moment, it is gone forever. I use Fantastical to integrate calendars (NHS, academic and personal), and Things (app) to plan out tasks and projects. I have friends who swear by the Tiimo app. I supplement this with a paper bullet journal for lists and sketches because my brain remembers physicality, the moment to moment experience of things really well.

Smart watch haptics. I can set reminders for when I need to be at a certain place ahead of time or do something at a specific time and if I’m not at my desk and I’ve left my phone somewhere, the Apple Watch will vibrate with the reminder so it’s a physical thing I can’t ignore. It will also vibrate with calendar events, Teams meetings etc. Has saved me.


Remembering to do something, take things with you when you leave the house: I literally plonk whatever it is directly in front of the door so that I can’t step out the house without seeing it. I will set out a massive pile of laundry in front of the kettle so that I can’t make a cup of tea unless I do the laundry. I’ll leave something on top or beside my laptop so I can’t open my laptop or start work without attending to that thing. It’s about physically placing the thing you have to remember in a place where you know you will see it in time.

I get paranoid about forgetting things when I’m out and about and have a habit of assigning pockets to things i.e. my wallet goes in a certain pocket, my mobile goes on this side, my keys go there, and also regularly patting myself down, like I’m applying airport security to myself… probably looks really weird to the people around me but I don’t care.


Remembering where things are:
Everything at home has its own place, like its own home where it lives. So I always put things back in their home. But if that fails, I do as Myo-jin says, I let my my mind reel play backwards the inner movie of the actions I was doing at the time and I physically go to that spot and re-do the actions and then ah-ha! I have some friends whose brains don’t work like this and they use AirTags on everything.


Remembering/ cultivating positive habits and self-care:
I love the Finch app, where I grow my non-binary bird called Wobbles who needs me to check-in every day in order to grow from a chick into a full-fledged adult bird. It gains experience and grows every time I tick off good habits. I always find it easier to tend to others before myself and this app gamifies this with dopamine hits for a good cause: self-care. Sometimes pairing up with a friend as Accountability buddies can also help, but you need to be aligned in approach and how you intend to show up for each other.

IMG_2873.png

Remembering facts, learning things:
It’s really hard for me to remember random and arbitrary facts. It helps when I know the why of things, their function or purpose. Concepts exist in me like network or a tree that hang together and when I’m learning something new there is an initial period of appearing very stupid while my brain just hoovers in sufficient information to create the framework of the tree and network. I came very close to failing out of medical school my first year because this process just takes its own time. Linking back to how my brain remembers physicality and visuals, I frequently have to manipulate the things that I’m learning in some way, drawing diagrams, relationships, defining boundaries and overlaps. I have to let them sit and grow in my brain in their own time and not force things.


Accommodations or reasonable adjustments as they’re called in the UK are dependent on the resources of your workplace/educational institution and the level of disability awareness/acceptance in those places. I’ve learned the hard way not all places are safe, not all people, in positions meant to help others, do so from a perspective of empowerment. You don’t always need to disclose your disabilities in order to get help.

I have needed accommodations/adjustments since high school at every educational institution I’ve been at and every job I’ve had. I would not be able to stay in employment and stay healthy without them. If there are specific situations you are thinking of, please feel free to message me and I will share what little I know.

I'm sorry this is so long! But I hope in some way helpful!

Gassho
Seido
Satlah

[Onki]

Wow!

Thanks everyone for giving me some really great ideas!
I’m a very visual person. Something that needs done. I have to be able to see it in front of me because if I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Another example would be putting things in “special places.” This works half the time. I will put something in its special place and completely forget where that special place is! I’ve tried having a whiteboard and writing down what I need to do, but I forget to look at it.

I do use the calendar on my iPhone religiously. Every single thing that happens or will happen in the future (that I’m aware of anyway hahaha,) will get put into my calendar. I will check the calendar throughout the day, making sure to be aware of what is going on that day. I also write down my wife’s schedule because I’ll forget. This tab is always open on my phone.

I have tried using lists, both on my phone and physically written down, to no avail. I’ll either forget about the list completely or write down way too many things that I want to do, becoming overwhelmed, and end up doing nothing.

Having memory impairment, learning disability, ADHD, etc. makes remembering things extremely difficult. I find it’s getting worse.

I also follow the “do one thing at a time” rule- something that does help. However, while doing the one activity, I will remember something else that needs done. For every activity, it takes more than one step and I forget each step sometimes.

Here’s the ironic part of all of this: I will try to put measures into place in order to help me remember things, but then I don’t remember to use the measures that I have put into place to help me remember things!

Of course everyone’s brain works differently. Some people will remember to do things one way, while the same procedure won’t help the next person. A lot of it is finding what works for you.

I’m still trying to figure out what ways will work for me.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions!

Gasshō,

On

sat/lah

[Ryumon]

Aside from notes that I store in an app, the best tool I have on my iPhone is to tell Siri, "Remind me to do X today/tomorrow/Saturday." I use a calendar app (BusyCal) that displays reminders along with events, and since all my work is in that app, I see every important thing I have to do.

Also, when I think of something that I want to do that only takes a couple of minutes, I generally do it right away rather than risk forgetting it or adding it to a list.

Gassho,
Ryūmon (Kirk)
Sat Lah