[HealthDharma] Bipolar Disorder

[Jazz]

Hello,

My name is Jazz and I've suffered bipolar I / mixed disorder since I was a teen, ~ 40 years or so. I just wanted to introduce myself while I'm still "stable" (that's the term I use for when I'm between manic and depression episodes). You better read this fast because as soon as I start an episode, I'll likely panic and delete this post! If there is anything to learn from bipolar it's "this too shall pass" though it doesn't feel like it at the time. Also, there is a lot of delusional thought with bipolar, so there's that.

I also have Parkinson's Disease, so if anyone wants to discuss that (particularly the mental part). I'm here for that too.

Gasshǒ,
Jazz

SatToday

[Kokuu]

Welcome, Jazz.

We have members with experience of both of those things (although not, I don't think, together) so hopefully they will have something to say here. My sister is bipolar so I know a little about that. 'This too shall pass' seems like good advice for many things, and particular a disorder that fluctuates.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Meian]

Hello,

My name is Jazz and I've suffered bipolar I / mixed disorder since I was a teen, ~ 40 years or so. I just wanted to introduce myself while I'm still "stable" (that's the term I use for when I'm between manic and depression episodes). You better read this fast because as soon as I start an episode, I'll likely panic and delete this post! If there is anything to learn from bipolar it's "this too shall pass" though it doesn't feel like it at the time. Also, there is a lot of delusional thought with bipolar, so there's that.

I also have Parkinson's Disease, so if anyone wants to discuss that (particularly the mental part). I'm here for that too.

Gasshǒ,
Jazz

SatToday

Hi Jazz,

It's nice to meet you, and thank you for sharing your experience and health conditions here. [emoji1374]

My essay [emoji16]: for much of my life I had the diagnosis of major depression (MDD) which nearly took me out of this life a few times, but I was never referred to a psychiatrist for supervision or medication monitoring. It also never occurred to me to ask. Recently I had the opportunity to meet with a psychiatrist who asked me some very specific questions, and my diagnosis was then updated to bipolar depression. My medication was updated as well, and continues to be monitored. I'm not healed, but I am a bit more stable now. Learning to recognize "where I'm at" in the cycle is the fun part. [emoji854]

Last August, after a highly observant neurologist noticed how I was walking, shaking, and some stiff limbs - I was sent for a DAT scan and put on carbidopa levodopa and rasagilene, and diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's. PD also runs in my family, but it had been dismissed until a new neurologist observed me walking and my hands shaking.

We're still adjusting dosing, but I drop and break fewer things, can usually drink liquids without choking (I learned a trick!), and we have made some safety adjustments around the house. Also, I use a cane everywhere I go. I fried my laptop last year and hope to revive it eventually. I still trip a lot, walk into things, and fumble my words - such is life. [emoji854][emoji1745]

What can I say? Every day is different, sometimes every moment. I liken my balance and coordination challenges to a "funhouse" effect in the gravity room. It is unpredictable, as are other strange aspects of living with a movement disorder. Taking meds five times a day is also a daily practice in timing and planning! Gentleness with self and ability to laugh often at myself and life are essential for me.

Being neurodiverse adds to being quirky. [emoji854] It's all part of my practice as I seek to live with equanimity, patience, compassion (myself and others), forgiveness, and - always - impermanence, with laughter.

If you - or anyone here - wish to chat about practicing and living our "dancing" ever-changing lives [emoji846], it is fine to message me here. I'm only an expert on myself - nothing and no one else!

I ask for patience, however, as I'm also my aunt's primary caregiver / advocate now. So I have been a bit slow to respond lately - but am happy to when I can (and remember to!).

Gassho
Meian sat today / lah

[Jishin]

[HealthDharma] Bipolar Disorder

Hi Jazz,

You are among friends.

I have back pain sometimes. I am not back pain.

Likewise, I have mood swings from time to time. I am not mood swings.

I have had 2 episodes of mood swings that have led to hospitalization in my lifetime and they resulted in wonderful things.

I chose to be a psychiatrist and have helped thousands of people on a daily basis because of my good fortune.

A nice book I recommend is:

https://www.amazon.com/Touched-Fire-Manic-Depressive-Artistic-Temperament/dp/068483183X/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?adgrpid=57651652964&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.hsZvRrUOs0PlipAbXmpVwNPLAzrstaDHnx04Igf1RMHyjJOAxC3Sqns_qYxecm6XqGPwlqvW-i2h_Ftw-v_vdxctFxImpFa7yuSz_L7lrffHCYn-g17OXdmXWp-t4vj78xSc7myksvGICwozPlozRlKeSl4TgGs4rAP6LtsWGli93rPPhgUJovDx-uyLvcAo8Pn9f7gg6iBuucm1yw54aw.2G7FUy7JD4_Y-RtpfWHIjafYGQl9W0TIu8o5SAJQ9_E&dib_tag=se&hvadid=274724365382&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9028538&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=7279048503057365517&hvtargid=kwd-299093651746&hydadcr=15179_10362783&keywords=touched+by+fire&qid=1710107861&sr=8-4

Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

[Jazz]

Welcome, Jazz.

We have members with experience of both of those things (although not, I don't think, together) so hopefully they will have something to say here. My sister is bipolar so I know a little about that. 'This too shall pass' seems like good advice for many things, and particular a disorder that fluctuates.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

Thank you, Kokuu. 'This too shall pass' is my mantra.

Gasshǒ,
Jazz
SatToday

[Jazz]

Hi Jazz,

It's nice to meet you, and thank you for sharing your experience and health conditions here. [emoji1374]

My essay [emoji16]: for much of my life I had the diagnosis of major depression (MDD) which nearly took me out of this life a few times, but I was never referred to a psychiatrist for supervision or medication monitoring. It also never occurred to me to ask. Recently I had the opportunity to meet with a psychiatrist who asked me some very specific questions, and my diagnosis was then updated to bipolar depression. My medication was updated as well, and continues to be monitored. I'm not healed, but I am a bit more stable now. Learning to recognize "where I'm at" in the cycle is the fun part. [emoji854]

Last August, after a highly observant neurologist noticed how I was walking, shaking, and some stiff limbs - I was sent for a DAT scan and put on carbidopa levodopa and rasagilene, and diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's. PD also runs in my family, but it had been dismissed until a new neurologist observed me walking and my hands shaking.

We're still adjusting dosing, but I drop and break fewer things, can usually drink liquids without choking (I learned a trick!), and we have made some safety adjustments around the house. Also, I use a cane everywhere I go. I fried my laptop last year and hope to revive it eventually. I still trip a lot, walk into things, and fumble my words - such is life. [emoji854][emoji1745]

What can I say? Every day is different, sometimes every moment. I liken my balance and coordination challenges to a "funhouse" effect in the gravity room. It is unpredictable, as are other strange aspects of living with a movement disorder. Taking meds five times a day is also a daily practice in timing and planning! Gentleness with self and ability to laugh often at myself and life are essential for me.

Being neurodiverse adds to being quirky. [emoji854] It's all part of my practice as I seek to live with equanimity, patience, compassion (myself and others), forgiveness, and - always - impermanence, with laughter.

If you - or anyone here - wish to chat about practicing and living our "dancing" ever-changing lives [emoji846], it is fine to message me here. I'm only an expert on myself - nothing and no one else!

I ask for patience, however, as I'm also my aunt's primary caregiver / advocate now. So I have been a bit slow to respond lately - but am happy to when I can (and remember to!).

Gassho
Meian sat today / lah

Thanks for the greeting, Meian. It's nice to meet you also. Have a great day.

Gasshǒ,
Jazz
SatToday

[Jazz]

Hi Jazz,

You are among friends.

I have back pain sometimes. I am not back pain.

Likewise, I have mood swings from time to time. I am not mood swings.

I have had 2 episodes of mood swings that have led to hospitalization in my lifetime and they resulted in wonderful things.

I chose to be a psychiatrist and have helped thousands of people on a daily basis because of my good fortune.

A nice book I recommend is:

https://www.amazon.com/Touched-Fire-Manic-Depressive-Artistic-Temperament/dp/068483183X/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?adgrpid=57651652964&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.hsZvRrUOs0PlipAbXmpVwNPLAzrstaDHnx04Igf1RMHyjJOAxC3Sqns_qYxecm6XqGPwlqvW-i2h_Ftw-v_vdxctFxImpFa7yuSz_L7lrffHCYn-g17OXdmXWp-t4vj78xSc7myksvGICwozPlozRlKeSl4TgGs4rAP6LtsWGli93rPPhgUJovDx-uyLvcAo8Pn9f7gg6iBuucm1yw54aw.2G7FUy7JD4_Y-RtpfWHIjafYGQl9W0TIu8o5SAJQ9_E&dib_tag=se&hvadid=274724365382&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9028538&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=7279048503057365517&hvtargid=kwd-299093651746&hydadcr=15179_10362783&keywords=touched+by+fire&qid=1710107861&sr=8-4

Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

Thank you, Jishin. It's the extremes (psychotic episodes) that get scary. The rest is like swinging on a tire. Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes you get twisted in the process. Such is life.

Gasshǒ,
Jazz
SatToday

[Kokuu]

Hi Jazz

I am not the most technically minded but I think that your profile photo and your avatar photo are two different things so you have to upload an avatar photo so that it will show up next to your forum posts.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Jazz]

Hi Jazz

I am not the most technically minded but I think that your profile photo and your avatar photo are two different things so you have to upload an avatar photo so that it will show up next to your forum posts.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

Thanks, Kokuu. I just changed it and came back here to see if it worked when I saw your reply You are exactly correct with using the avatar instead of profile pict for forum posts.

Gasshǒ

[Kokuu]

Good to see you now, Jazz!

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Onki]

Hello Jazz,

My apologies for not responding to this until now. Last week, I came home from a month long stay in the psychiatric hospital, so I’m still catching up on some stuff.

As mentioned, you are definitely among friends. If you ever need to chat, I’m always around.

I experience fibromyalgia, which is an interesting beast in itself. I am learning to be flexible as I am a perfectionist, which is definitely not a good thing. I am 0 to 100, black or white. I never think of the grey in between when it comes to myself. Regarding others though, absolutely. But for whatever reason these rules do not apply to me! Ha ha!

As Meiān said, learning to be flexible, the ability to laugh at yourself, and carrying on is all Practice.

Thank you so much for sharing,

Gasshō,

On

Sat today/LAH