[HEALTH] Mind is forerunner of all actions

[Hōshin]

The Dhammapada mentions that the mind is the foundation of all actions. This means that when our minds are calm and at peace, we can be patient, light, and resilient in the face of suffering. But what if our minds are sick? What if they are the foundation of all actions? When I experience OCD or BPD attacks, I can't use my mind to calm myself. My pain intensifies, and I become disoriented. And no amount of wisdom helps during these attacks. If I tell myself to let them go, that thought only triggers another OCD attack. Honestly, I don't know what to do.

As Seiko said, I practice with the body and mind I have at my disposal. I hope one day I can develop the resilience and mindset to alleviate my pain. Take care of yourselves!

Gassho
Hoshin
Satlah

[Onki]

The Dhammapada mentions that the mind is the foundation of all actions. This means that when our minds are calm and at peace, we can be patient, light, and resilient in the face of suffering. But what if our minds are sick? What if they are the foundation of all actions? When I experience OCD or BPD attacks, I can't use my mind to calm myself. My pain intensifies, and I become disoriented. And no amount of wisdom helps during these attacks. If I tell myself to let them go, that thought only triggers another OCD attack. Honestly, I don't know what to do.

As Seiko said, I practice with the body and mind I have at my disposal. I hope one day I can develop the resilience and mindset to alleviate my pain. Take care of yourselves!

Gassho
Hoshin
Satlah

Hi Hoshin!

I hear you. Let me speak of my experiences with my BPD. When I have BPD episodes (among other mental illnesses,) logic turns off completely and emotions run the show. Our emotions can change VERY quickly- from one extreme to the other. We cannot simply “turn it off.” These emotions become stronger and stronger and sitting with them feels impossible.

When this happens (and it happens a lot,) I allow the emotion to come up, regardless of what the emotion is: rage, despair, loneliness, frustration, etc. I try not to push the feeling away since that tends to make things worse and further exacerbates it.

Despite the uncomfortableness, getting sucked in, and thinking I will always feel this way, I know somewhere and somehow that isn’t the case. Eventually, logic comes back online. This takes time. I have days where the episode lasts a few minutes, days where the episode lasts hours, and potentially the entire day.

The point is learning to take things one step at a time. If you’re having an episode, let it be an episode. Mental illness doesn’t define you as a person. You HAVE mental illness, you are NOT your mental illness.

I hope this helps. If you ever want to chat, I’m here.

Gasshō,

On

s/l

[Seiko]

Dear Hōshin,
Thank you for having the courage to post this question here. When others read this, who have similar experiences, I hope they may gain the confidence to compose their own posts or questions too.

Mental health issues are always tricky because sometimes zazen can help, but other times it can amplify the problem. If in doubt please always seek advice from a qualified medical practitioner. I am certainly not qualified to give medical or psychiatric advice.

Then, if you choose to continue zazen, perhaps set aside this idea of trying to use your mind to calm yourself. In shikantaza there need not be any effort; no trying; no striving for any pre-conceived result. That strong wish to be calmer, could itself turn into a source of dissatisfaction.

I hope that Jundo or a Senior will correct me if I have this wrong, but my feeling is that Shikantaza is experience - without me, others, my mind, my thoughts. Let me say this another way, try leaving self and observation aside, and just BE the experience.

I hope this helps.

Gasshō, Seiko, stlah

[Shujin]

Dear Hōshin,
Thank you for having the courage to post this question here. When others read this, who have similar experiences, I hope they may gain the confidence to compose their own posts or questions too.

Mental health issues are always tricky because sometimes zazen can help, but other times it can amplify the problem. If in doubt please always seek advice from a qualified medical practitioner. I am certainly not qualified to give medical or psychiatric advice.

Then, if you choose to continue zazen, perhaps set aside this idea of trying to use your mind to calm yourself. In shikantaza there need not be any effort; no trying; no striving for any pre-conceived result. That strong wish to be calmer, could itself turn into a source of dissatisfaction.

I hope that Jundo or a Senior will correct me if I have this wrong, but my feeling is that Shikantaza is experience - without me, others, my mind, my thoughts. Let me say this another way, try leaving self and observation aside, and just BE the experience.

I hope this helps.

Gasshō, Seiko, stlah

I am not your senior, but just wanted to say that you put this well, Seiko.

Gassho,
Shujin
St/lah

[Jundo]

I just want to say how wise the responses of Onki and Seiko are here. I agree that, if sitting is too much, don't sit then ... and don't try to force some feeling that is not possible in the moment. Seek the guidance of your mental health professional too.

I can only think of the parallel when I sat Zazen (or tried to) in the closet of our house in Florida as one of the really bad hurricanes passed through, Mina and I in the dark except for a flashlight, windows cracking, wind and rain howling through the apartment, the roof (we found out the next day) partially lifted off the building.

It was a long night. The next day, trees were down, there was great damage, but the sky was again as blue as blue can be, birds singing, the air crisp and clean.

In other words, sometimes you just need to let the storm pass, do not fight it or try to change it. If you are fortunate, perhaps you can find the still and silent place amid the howling winds (I could sometimes during that night, and had some moments in that dark closet of powerful, deep sitting ... still and silent.) Other times, just worry and keep dry as best you can, let it pass. All you can do is have BLIND FAITH that, somewhere, somehow, amid the darkness and storm, the clear, boundless, open and quiet sky is still there ever though unseen.

With time, the storm will pass, and the blue sky will show itself.

That is sometimes all that is possible.

Even some great Zen masters had such times. Do you know about the modern Rinzai master, Soen Nakagawa, who always had depressive bouts, but something more after a serious head injury? A biographer says

In the late 1960s Soen Roshi sustained a head injury, which some say was caused by falling out of a tree in which he’d been meditating—an event often pointed to as the cause of his increasingly eccentric behavior. It is said that he suffered from pain at various times in his life, but this worsened in his later years to the point where, in the late 1970s, he shut himself away in his quarters at his Japanese monastery, grew his hair and beard long, and refused to see anyone.

Soen Roshi came out of his self-imposed retirement in 1982 to pay a last visit to his American students. As Peter Matthiessen reports it, he left them with these words:
.

Cooking, eating, sleeping, every deed of everyday life is nothing else than this Great Matter. Realize this! So we extend tender care with a worshipping heart even to such beings as beasts and birds—but not only to beasts, not only to birds, but to insects too, okay? Even to grass, to one blade of grass, even to dust, to one speck of dust. Sometimes I bow to the dust…

Gassho, J
stlah

[Houzan]

Hi Hoshin,
I would not interpret “mind” here as our psychological mind, but as the event, the experience right now, arising from a range of causes and conditions. Things arise because conditions are this way, not because someone is failing to cope correctly. I think this is an important point especially if you are struggling with OCD or BPD attacks (the last thing we need is to feel bad about something we can’t control). If you read it this way, I at least find the statement extremely liberating. Your situation is not your fault, and in moments like OCD or BPD attacks, there may be nothing the “mind” can do to fix things. So practice then becomes very simple, though not easy: show up as you are, exactly where you are right now, and just do your best. And sometimes “your best” are the very simplest of things, and sometimes nothing at all. Nothing more, nothing less. Effortless effort. PS: and sometimes this effort is to seek the advice and support from professional mental health care experts.

Gassho, Hōzan
satlah

[Hōshin]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I have benefited greatly from them. I was particularly astonished by what happened to Soen Roshi. I used to think of Buddhist Masters as butterflies of happiness and peace. It seems even they can have to deal with mental health issues. I will remember that. Thank you, Jundo Roshi. Many thanks to Onki for reminding me that my illness is not me, to Seiko for advising me on the importance of adopting the right attitude in Zazen, and to Houzan for reminding me that not grieving over things beyond my control is liberating.

Gassho
Hoshin
Satlah

[Jundo]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I have benefited greatly from them. I was particularly astonished by what happened to Soen Roshi. I used to think of Buddhist Masters as butterflies of happiness and peace. It seems even they can have to deal with mental health issues. I will remember that. Thank you, Jundo Roshi. Many thanks to Onki for reminding me that my illness is not me, to Seiko for advising me on the importance of adopting the right attitude in Zazen, and to Houzan for reminding me that not grieving over things beyond my control is liberating.

Gassho
Hoshin
Satlah

If someone, even a Zen teacher, practices Zen, and gets appendicitis or a bad kidney, does one say, "Oh, Zen is not working because it does not prevent the bad appendix or kidney."

Well, it is not so different for a misfiring brain that may cause one depression, OCD or BPD or the like.

Hopefully, the Zen fellow will "be one with," and accepting of their bad appendix or kidney ... even as they groan with the sometime pain, and seek a good doctor and hope for a cure!

Hopefully, the Zen fellow will "be one with," and accepting of their depression or OCD or BPD ... even as they groan with the sometime pain, and seek a good doctor and hope for a cure!



Gassho, J
stlah

[Jundo]

I'm going to move this thread to our Health/Mental Health area so that we can keep it.

Gassho, Jundo
stlah