[Health] Precepts in Action: In Praise of Rev. Onki

[Jundo]

Dear All,

I hope you don't mind my sharing joy with one of our Priests-in-Training, Rev. Onki. I just found out that he is 6 months without smoking a cigarette, and also several years into leaving addictions to alcohol and, as he says, "online shopping to excess" behind him. This is wonderful, and shows his inner strength. As many of you have experienced, to give up our addictions to things is one of the hardest hurdles, even for practicing Buddhists.

This is especially worth mention because Onki gave up the cigarettes and other things while dealing with various struggles, including the depression he has battled through the years, plus a recent series of life crisis in which, well, everything hit the fan at once (I will just mention, for example, his lost car insurance due to a bank error! And the car is a lemon too! But at least he need not drive to work, cause the job got cut too! ) Anyone who can manage to stay away from temptations at times like that is, in my book, practicing RIGHT! Good for him! Those are exactly the times that might send other folks running for the smokes, the bottle, etc. Thanks for setting a good example.

Onki, we are proud of you, good friend. I know that the new treatments will work for you, just wait.
.

9b49039669c43b230fa3579226e71459.jpg

Nine Bows, Jundo
stlah

[Hokai]

Inspirational, Onki

Gassho
Hōkai
satlah

[Choujou]

So very proud of you my brother, absolutely wonderful!

Gassho,
Choujou

sat/lah today

[Onki]

Thank you for sharing this, Jundo.

Things haven’t been easy the past while (mentioning the BLANK hitting the fan is an understatement! ).

I’m not going to pretend that I have not had cravings to go back to these addictions as a way of coping with my insecurities, stress, and fear because I certainly have. I suppose it could be looked at kind of the way sitting Zazen is. When sitting, thoughts come up. For me, I have a few options.

The first option is to grab onto the thought and go for a ride, twisting and turning all over inside my mind. Getting stuck in the thought like quicksand, pulling me further and further down. Spiraling deeper and deeper into the stories I have written in my head. The second option is to acknowledge the thought, “There is a thought of craving alcohol/smoking/online shopping.” But instead of latching on, watch. Simply watch. Don’t judge the thought as “good” or “bad.” A thought is a thought. It’s when we ascribe a judgement onto the thought that tends to make the thought stick. Trust me, I will most likely forever be working on this specific part as I tend to make quick judgements of my own thoughts.

Besides, aren’t we the most critical, harshest critics on ourselves?

But I am practicing and working on not doing this. I still do engage in judgements of my own thoughts but now I’m much more aware of when my mind starts “creating a story” instead of seeing the thought for what it is: a thought.

Sometimes the thought of “I could take away my fears, insecurities, and stress (even if it is short term) if I engaged in *insert addiction*” soon dissolves as quickly as it came. But when it doesn’t, I breathe through it, sit Zazen, write poetry, talk to those that are close to me and know of these afflictions I struggle with.

And to be completely honest, there are days where I fall apart. Days that crawl by where I can’t get out of bed. Days that I spend crying with this deep ache in my heart. Days with my mind full of racing, self destructive thoughts telling me there’s no point to my life. These are the most difficult days. These are the days where using is ever more tempting. These are the days where I want to numb the hurt inside of me.

As someone that struggles with mental illness, even after all these years I still haven’t gotten used to this seemingly endless uphill battle within myself. I still trip and fall, scraping my knees and bruising up my mind and my body.

And for some reason, I keep trying.

I have some very special people in my life: my wife Sarah, our Roshi Jundo, our Priests and Sangha here with Treeleaf, my friends and chosen family that remind me how proud of me they are (despite my inability to see it), their unconditional love and support in my journey (which I need to be reminded of often), and their forever faith in me, especially when I have none in myself.

I am grateful for all of you being in my life. I love you all.

It is because of these people that I try to keep my head above the waters of despair. They have thrown me a lifeboat among the crashing waves. Some days I don’t have the energy to swim nor the desire to reach out in the darkness.

But today, today I have decided to jump in.

Gasshō,

Onk

[Houzan]

Thank you for sharing! I deeply respect your efforts and take inspiration from your very humble vioice, Onki. Thank you for being a role model

Gassho, Hōzan
satlah

[Onkai]

I'm proud of you, Onki. You are a great example in your struggles and in sharing those struggles. You are overcoming, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Hopefully the treatments will give you more ease.



Gassho Onkai

[Naiko]

Onki, your efforts are truly deserving of praise and appreciation. This is true courage, even and especially on days when you break down and cry. Thank you for this teaching.

Naiko
stlah

[Anthony]

Huge congrats Onki! It was great to hear about this during the morning sit today. We're all super proud of what you have accomplished!

Gassho,
Anthony satlah

[Jundo]

If it is okay, I am going to move this over to our "Zen and Mental Health" are which Onki facilitates, and where subjects of addictions and like struggles are often raised. We should keep this thread around. (All Onki has to do for that is to keep on free of the cigarettes! )

Gassho, Jundo
stlah

[Steve Rossiter]

Thank you for sharing this, Jundo.

Things haven’t been easy the past while (mentioning the BLANK hitting the fan is an understatement! ).

I’m not going to pretend that I have not had cravings to go back to these addictions as a way of coping with my insecurities, stress, and fear because I certainly have. I suppose it could be looked at kind of the way sitting Zazen is. When sitting, thoughts come up. For me, I have a few options.

The first option is to grab onto the thought and go for a ride, twisting and turning all over inside my mind. Getting stuck in the thought like quicksand, pulling me further and further down. Spiraling deeper and deeper into the stories I have written in my head. The second option is to acknowledge the thought, “There is a thought of craving alcohol/smoking/online shopping.” But instead of latching on, watch. Simply watch. Don’t judge the thought as “good” or “bad.” A thought is a thought. It’s when we ascribe a judgement onto the thought that tends to make the thought stick. Trust me, I will most likely forever be working on this specific part as I tend to make quick judgements of my own thoughts.

Besides, aren’t we the most critical, harshest critics on ourselves?

But I am practicing and working on not doing this. I still do engage in judgements of my own thoughts but now I’m much more aware of when my mind starts “creating a story” instead of seeing the thought for what it is: a thought.

Sometimes the thought of “I could take away my fears, insecurities, and stress (even if it is short term) if I engaged in *insert addiction*” soon dissolves as quickly as it came. But when it doesn’t, I breathe through it, sit Zazen, write poetry, talk to those that are close to me and know of these afflictions I struggle with.

And to be completely honest, there are days where I fall apart. Days that crawl by where I can’t get out of bed. Days that I spend crying with this deep ache in my heart. Days with my mind full of racing, self destructive thoughts telling me there’s no point to my life. These are the most difficult days. These are the days where using is ever more tempting. These are the days where I want to numb the hurt inside of me.

As someone that struggles with mental illness, even after all these years I still haven’t gotten used to this seemingly endless uphill battle within myself. I still trip and fall, scraping my knees and bruising up my mind and my body.

And for some reason, I keep trying.

I have some very special people in my life: my wife Sarah, our Roshi Jundo, our Priests and Sangha here with Treeleaf, my friends and chosen family that remind me how proud of me they are (despite my inability to see it), their unconditional love and support in my journey (which I need to be reminded of often), and their forever faith in me, especially when I have none in myself.

I am grateful for all of you being in my life. I love you all.

It is because of these people that I try to keep my head above the waters of despair. They have thrown me a lifeboat among the crashing waves. Some days I don’t have the energy to swim nor the desire to reach out in the darkness.

But today, today I have decided to jump in.

Gasshō,

Onk

I remain in awe of your perseverance and insight Brother. You continue to be an inspiration and I am so proud for you and of you. Gassho StLah

[Seiga]

Stay strong!
gasshō
seiga
satlah