Dear all
This week’s reading is pages 227 - 234 (from the beginning of the chapter to PERSONAL KOANS).
Apologies not to post until Wednesday of this week. We are beginning the final chapter of the book and should be completed before the start of Ango.
Darlene begins the chapter by talking about a woman with severe arthritis who ignores her own body wisdom in order to comply with the demands of her physical therapist who had a tendency to push too hard. In this case the client was working against the resistance of her own muscles and this inevitably caused tissue damage.
She points out that we are all in some way like this therapist in having our own faults, and these faults can be great teachers that show us the places in life where we are stuck or need work. She also notes that faults can also often be turned into positives – a driven nature can be softened into reliability, passivity may become patience, anger could be used to defend against injustice. Look at where you find resistance.
Darlene does, however, note that resistance can sometimes be justified and gives an account of a time where this was the case.
In the next section Darlene looks at how we think about ourselves and others and the fact that many of us tend to be more critical and have higher standards for ourselves than others. She also notes that there is a tension between how much we care for ourselves and others – too selfish and we become insular, but too giving and we can feel empty and taken advantage of. I imagine that each of us has our own sweet spot regarding this but also that can change depending on our circumstances and dharma practice.
She observes that taking care of ourselves and others is not a zero sum game and actually when we feel taken care of we are more likely to feel abundance and surplus and wish to share that with others. We cannot feed anyone from an empty jar.
It is for each of us to see how we feel in different circumstances in which we are giving too much or too little and how that can change. This applies equally to emotional and physical acts of giving as much as financial and material generosity, and those may be even more important to pay attention to in the case of chronic illness.
Darlene notes that we can have many facets within us and these may be at odds such as the desire to be generous but also the wish to preserve our energy, emotional wellbeing and finances. We can observe the interplay between these and know it is okay to feel more than one thing at once. I have heard some people say that pure generosity comes with no pleasurable feeling of having done something good but I have rarely felt that and don’t have a problem with that. If I give to a charity and feel good for that, I see it as a natural human reaction and as long as I don’t get some big ego about it, think that is fine.
Near the end of this section Darlene wonders if instead of being critical of ourselves we can be a little more nourishing and instead be tolerant in our observation of our many facets and contradictions. For me, Zen practice is not about getting rid of all of our fault and imperfections but rather learning to understand how life is and to work with it on its own terms, including our thoughts and emotions.
She goes on to talk about the power of fully participating in life and appreciating how we are and how our ability to give and nurture others may come and go, just as our need for support and self-nurturing does.
Question prompts
1. Where do you feel the kind of tension that Darlene speaks of in your life between a quality you wish to have (or already have) and some other part of you?
2. How easy do you find it to accept and even appreciate the parts of you that you might prefer to be different?
Wishing you all a healthful week.
Gassho
Kokuu
This week’s reading is pages 227 - 234 (from the beginning of the chapter to PERSONAL KOANS).
Apologies not to post until Wednesday of this week. We are beginning the final chapter of the book and should be completed before the start of Ango.
Darlene begins the chapter by talking about a woman with severe arthritis who ignores her own body wisdom in order to comply with the demands of her physical therapist who had a tendency to push too hard. In this case the client was working against the resistance of her own muscles and this inevitably caused tissue damage.
She points out that we are all in some way like this therapist in having our own faults, and these faults can be great teachers that show us the places in life where we are stuck or need work. She also notes that faults can also often be turned into positives – a driven nature can be softened into reliability, passivity may become patience, anger could be used to defend against injustice. Look at where you find resistance.
Darlene does, however, note that resistance can sometimes be justified and gives an account of a time where this was the case.
In the next section Darlene looks at how we think about ourselves and others and the fact that many of us tend to be more critical and have higher standards for ourselves than others. She also notes that there is a tension between how much we care for ourselves and others – too selfish and we become insular, but too giving and we can feel empty and taken advantage of. I imagine that each of us has our own sweet spot regarding this but also that can change depending on our circumstances and dharma practice.
She observes that taking care of ourselves and others is not a zero sum game and actually when we feel taken care of we are more likely to feel abundance and surplus and wish to share that with others. We cannot feed anyone from an empty jar.
It is for each of us to see how we feel in different circumstances in which we are giving too much or too little and how that can change. This applies equally to emotional and physical acts of giving as much as financial and material generosity, and those may be even more important to pay attention to in the case of chronic illness.
Darlene notes that we can have many facets within us and these may be at odds such as the desire to be generous but also the wish to preserve our energy, emotional wellbeing and finances. We can observe the interplay between these and know it is okay to feel more than one thing at once. I have heard some people say that pure generosity comes with no pleasurable feeling of having done something good but I have rarely felt that and don’t have a problem with that. If I give to a charity and feel good for that, I see it as a natural human reaction and as long as I don’t get some big ego about it, think that is fine.
Near the end of this section Darlene wonders if instead of being critical of ourselves we can be a little more nourishing and instead be tolerant in our observation of our many facets and contradictions. For me, Zen practice is not about getting rid of all of our fault and imperfections but rather learning to understand how life is and to work with it on its own terms, including our thoughts and emotions.
She goes on to talk about the power of fully participating in life and appreciating how we are and how our ability to give and nurture others may come and go, just as our need for support and self-nurturing does.
Question prompts
1. Where do you feel the kind of tension that Darlene speaks of in your life between a quality you wish to have (or already have) and some other part of you?
2. How easy do you find it to accept and even appreciate the parts of you that you might prefer to be different?
Wishing you all a healthful week.
Gassho
Kokuu
Comment