[HealthDharma] Turning Suffering Inside Out, chapter nine, part two

[Kokuu]

Dear all

This week’s reading is pages 154-162 (from ‘To Your Feelings’ to end of chapter)

In this section Darlene begins by talking about practicing with respect for all of our feelings, whether we might see these as positive or negative. She suggests that we should not sanitise our feelings in an attempt to avoid them or to appear to live up to some idea, but instead embrace both the feelings we enjoy, and those we do not.

Darlene says that her own healing energy in part comes from her bitterness and anger towards her illness. They are the mud which help her grow her lotus of awakening. We find fertile soil in the darker parts of our psyche. I resonate with what she says about initially resisting feelings of despair and sadness but eventually I allow myself to give in and be embraced by them.

The next connection Darlene talks about is to other people, and particularly the kinds of relationships that nurture us and help us to heal and grow. She quotes from Joko Beck’s Everyday Zen book to note that relationships are the best way to help us grow by mirroring our own behaviour and views back to us. She does point out that when we are sick, we can become isolated as others do not want to bother us or tire us out so it can be necessary for the sick person to initiate and maintain contact. We need to support others and be supported as part of being human.

Darlene goes on to speak about connecting to the activity of our daily lives that can often be done on autopilot while we are thinking of other things. Each activity we do is an opportunity to connect (remember ‘dharma gates are endless’!) and while Alina pointed out in a previous thread that sometimes we have to strike a balance between mindfully enjoying a task and just getting it done, there are certainly times during the day when we can connect with daily tasks. Darlene notes that we can often divide our life up into things we have to do, and things we want to do (or work time and relaxation time) but our lives are really a seamless whole in which we can wholeheartedly give ourselves to each next thing. Just this, then just this.

Finally she talks about our connection with our suffering and the Buddha taught in his first dharma talk that the first noble truth is not just that life is suffering but that “This noble truth of suffering is to be comprehended” (Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta). Darlene notes that sometimes we can be with our suffering and sometimes we cannot. In the latter case, we can be with our inability to be with our suffering and the disconnect that arises from that. The ability to open to suffering is a work in progress for most of us, but the opening and softening that occurs is worth the time to seek, even if it only happens sometimes.

Darlene quotes from Norman Fischer in pointing out that beneath the packets of loss, grief and sadness that we don’t often want to open, there is a whole depth of a world to be explored and experienced, relating back to Darlene’s notion of providing fuel for our growth. But it still takes courage to go there. In most of us there is the tendency to want to shut down and push away the feelings we are fearful of, but we can learn to work with them slowly and gently as part of life’s experience.


Question Prompts

Do you have ways of working with difficult feelings and emotions? Is this easier on the cushion rather than off?

Have you had times when you surrendered to your suffering? How did that feel as opposed to resisting it?


Wishing you a healthful week.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Alina]

Do you have ways of working with difficult feelings and emotions? Is this easier on the cushion rather than off?
When I need to cry, I cry, I don't try to push it away anymore. There is always relief afterwards. On or off the cushion doesn't matter in my experience, sometimes zazen helps to ride the wave of difficult feelings, sometimes it's a way of simply observing them with a bit of clarity... whatever happens on the zafu I just try to allow it to happen. Some feelings are harder than others for me, especially fear and sadness are really difficult to sit with for me.

Have you had times when you surrendered to your suffering? How did that feel as opposed to resisting it?
Yes, grieving the loss of a relationship, feeling betrayed, I really did not want what was happening, and it took a lot to admit that things were the way they are... it still hurts a lot but life is as it is and to resist is to remain stuck in the pain so working on accepting is healthier, painful but necessary.


Gassho
Alina
stlah

[Tairin]

Thank you Kokuu

Do you have ways of working with difficult feelings and emotions? Is this easier on the cushion rather than off?

For me often I just have to go through the paces of being angry, being frustrated, being upset or whatever. The key is to not wallow too long. I often will recite the Metta verse for myself and if someone else was involved for them as well. Pausing to recite Metta is a great way to gain some distance and objectivity And of course i sit with these things. Even if there is some time between the event and my sitting there may still be echoes that come up.

Have you had times when you surrendered to your suffering? How did that feel as opposed to resisting it?

I don’t suffer in the same way that many of the readers here at Treeleaf suffer but yes. Depending on the suffering there is definitely a possibility I’ll make it worse by ignoring it or pushing through rather than accept that for now this is reality


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Kaitan]

Do you have ways of working with difficult feelings and emotions? Is this easier on the cushion rather than off?

I probably mentioned before that artistic expression helps me to deal with difficult feelings, but I'm not consistent. The best I can do is sit zazen and specially tonglen has helped me to connect with them.

As Darlene says, it's difficult get out of the numbness we impose to ourselves and that causes disconnection with mundane activity.


Have you had times when you surrendered to your suffering? How did that feel as opposed to resisting it?

After reading this chapter I became a bit confused about surrendering to suffering because the way she puts it as something that we're never willing to embrace, otherwise it wouldn't be suffering, so it's quite tricky to answer as something that I would say: "yes, bring it on". Indeed I've experienced it, perhaps every time I go back home since all my buttons are pushed at the same time constantly. And undoubtedly I've grown much every time I spend time with family, particularly when I have no choice.

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan