[HealthDharma] Turning Suffering Inside Out, chapter nine, part one

[Kokuu]

Dear all

This week’s reading is pages 147-154 (from beginning of chapter to ‘To Your Feelings’)

In this section Darlene talks about connection and begins by saying that she believes that alienation and a lack of connection is our greatest suffering. By this she means alienation from our own bodies, our feelings and our creativity, as well as from people.

Conversely, Darlene says that freedom from suffering lies in re-establishing and strengthening those connections.

She lists the important connections in our lives as:
- our bodies and their sensations
- our sensory reality
- our yearnings and needs
- our feelings and emotions
- our creativity
- our fellow beings
- our activity and ability to be active

Many of these can be negatively affected by chronic illness.

Darlene notes that one of the most prominent coping mechanisms and, although this can work for a time, one of its side-effects is a loss of connection. We can to a degree shut out our pain and feelings but only by losing some of the connection to those things.

This loss of connection is not just problematic functionally, but it also makes us less whole, less vibrant and less in touch with what makes us who we are.

Darlene also talks about victimhood being another coping strategy in which we become passive in the face of what is happening. Both of these mechanisms (denial and victimhood) are natural human defences that probably all of us have used at some point or other in our lives, and Darlene notes that they can even be useful in the short term. However, the role of practice is to live in awareness rather than habitual patterns, and in connection rather than isolation.

The rest of the chapter looks at Re-establishing The Primal Connection to different parts of our lives, and this week’s section includes the first two of those - our body and breath, and our deep yearnings and needs.


Question Prompts:

Have you felt at times that you disconnected from part of your experience as a coping mechanism? How did that feel?

Which of Darlene's list of connections do you feel you need to work more on?


Wishing you all a healthful week.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Alina]

Have you felt at times that you disconnected from part of your experience as a coping mechanism? How did that feel? Yes, disconnecting and even dissociating have been coping mechanisms for me in the past, what I was going through was simply too much. It feels awful, but at the same time it's like there's no other way. Zazen has given me the strength to get back in touch with myself, baby steps, slowly reconnecting with what is. This book is super helpful too.

Which of Darlene's list of connections do you feel you need to work more on?
All of them
I'm focused on rebuilding my connection to my body and my breath first, trying to feel again whatever is there, even when I'm finding a lot of tension in me, and my creativity through drawing and crochet.


Gassho
Alina
stlah

[Kokuu]

Zazen has given me the strength to get back in touch with myself, baby steps, slowly reconnecting with what is. This book is super helpful too.
I'm focused on rebuilding my connection to my body and my breath first, trying to feel again whatever is there, even when I'm finding a lot of tension in me, and my creativity through drawing and crochet.

[Tairin]

Thank you Kokuu

Have you felt at times that you disconnected from part of your experience as a coping mechanism? How did that feel?

Darlene has talked about stress and definitely I’ve gone through particularly stressful times at work that carry over to my personal life. Much more so in the past and my more recent days thankfully. I am not sure that this exactly the same but certainly in those times of stress I’ve felt disconnected from the rest of life. Almost like being in a trance. Life gets very narrow in those times. Almost like walking along a path and only looking at my feet rather than bringing my head up to see the scenery around me.

Which of Darlene's list of connections do you feel you need to work more on?

Without question it is my connection to other people. That is always been a personal weakness.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Kaitan]

Every time I come back to this book I feel as if Darlene had been spying on me

Like most of chapters, this one was very relatable, but not only to me (Kaitan), but I see it everyday around me and I feel despair and helpless. Most of the people are completely shut down from their surroundings and that coupled with the language barrier makes impossible to stablish connection with locals. I should say that perhaps not in this degree, but I've been in similar a situation in the past and recognizing that helped me to feel compassion rather than pity.

Have you felt at times that you disconnected from part of your experience as a coping mechanism? How did that feel?

Darlene helped to validate that disconnection we seek as a natural response to pain and fear. So indeed, it's a relief, though temporary. I would describe that as numbing.

Which of Darlene's list of connections do you feel you need to work more on?

All of them, but in particular the connection with creativity and the body. I should prioritize these two in that order.

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan