[HealthDharma] Turning Suffering Inside Out, chapter six, part two

[Kokuu]

This part of the reading covers pages 93-96 ('Whore Stories' to the end of the chapter)

There are only four pages of this chapter to read through this week as we did the lion’s share last time.

Darlene shares with us that she formerly lived in a poor part of town that was home to many drug addicts and sex workers. She was initially wary of the sex workers but found them actually really friendly and, after her social worker husband helped many of them out, they became quite protective of her.

She talks about several stories in which the sex workers protected her and connected with her and other members of the Zen sangha, in ways that we would not get to experience if we ‘other’ certain groups of people.

Darlene also talks about how that connection can be disrupted in care-giving once someone thinks about the good they are doing rather than connecting with the person they are caring for as an equal. She notes that when you are fully in your grief, you need people who will be able to support you with that and how, from the other side, she has felt the energy of being with someone fully in that place.


Question prompts:

1. Have you had experiences of connecting with people who you previously saw as other? How did that feel?

2. Have you been cared for by someone who you felt was paying too much attention to the idea of caring than really connecting? How did that feel?


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Alina]

Thank you Kokuu.

1. Have you had experiences of connecting with people who you previously saw as other? How did that feel?
Years ago I did a yoga teacher training program, and all my classmates had different backgrounds, levels of practice, of experience, different ages, it was a really diverse group. Some of the classes were all day long, once a month, so at lunch time we'd sit together and talk and share about ourselves, our lives, practice, etc. Some the most enriching conversations I've ever had were during those lunches, and the life advice they gave me has been super useful for me. It would be great if society in general was organized in a way that people from all different backgrounds could meet each other and simply hang out together, there would be far less division in the world.

2. Have you been cared for by someone who you felt was paying too much attention to the idea of caring than really connecting? How did that feel?
I've been cared for by someone who expected to be the center of attention even when I was the sick one. It felt awful, and now if I need help, she doesn't find out about it.


Gassho
Alina
stlah

[Kokuu]

1. Have you had experiences of connecting with people who you previously saw as other? How did that feel?
Years ago I did a yoga teacher training program, and all my classmates had different backgrounds, levels of practice, of experience, different ages, it was a really diverse group. Some of the classes were all day long, once a month, so at lunch time we'd sit together and talk and share about ourselves, our lives, practice, etc. Some the most enriching conversations I've ever had were during those lunches, and the life advice they gave me has been super useful for me. It would be great if society in general was organized in a way that people from all different backgrounds could meet each other and simply hang out together, there would be far less division in the world.

Yes, the opportunities we get to do that are often limited. I really appreciated when my kids were at junior school as the playground included parents from many different backgrounds. Your yoga teaching training programme sounds like it was great for that too.

2. Have you been cared for by someone who you felt was paying too much attention to the idea of caring than really connecting? How did that feel?
I've been cared for by someone who expected to be the center of attention even when I was the sick one. It felt awful, and now if I need help, she doesn't find out about it.

That is definitely far from ideal and I think we get to know the people we can trust to care for us and those we cannot.


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Tairin]

Thank you Kokuu

I don’t feel that either question really applies to me this time but I did find this section of the book interesting. It never occurred to me that there may be a difference between caring and connecting. That someone under my care may also need to feel that connection. I’ll try to be more conscious of that distinction.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Kaitan]

1. Have you had experiences of connecting with people who you previously saw as other? How did that feel?

I second Alina on this one, I've traveled to different places alone and it is really enriching to connect with complete strangers, suddenly we somehow allow ourselves to have more meaningful conversations than on the regular basis, and the topics don't necessarily have to be very deep and profound. Darlene says that the stranger the better! That's definitely true here in this strange country called China.
2. Have you been cared for by someone who you felt was paying too much attention to the idea of caring than really connecting? How did that feel?

Yes, and to be honest there's isn't much difference between the "helpers" and selfish people because after all it's the same intention: to get something. It does resonate that these people drain energy, but it's hard to notice it clearly, perhaps I'm one of them more often than not.

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan