This section of the reading comprises pages 62 to 72 (from the ‘Not Knowing Mind’ to the end of the chapter)
Here Darlene reminds us of the fact that we are not in control of large parts of our lives, no matter how much we would like to think we are, including how and where we grow up, national and internation events, and day-to-day issues that arise which we cannot know will happen. Of course, it is good to plan and protect ourselves and our loved ones where we can, but the bubble of an idea that we are in control of our lives will always be burst by reality.
She points out that in meditation, the simplest task such as focussing on the breath makes us realise how little control we even have over our own minds. With such little control all we can do is be intimate with and responsive to what arises in each moment.
However, most of us are uncomfortable with the not knowing of how things are going to pan out, and spend our lives trying to wrestle back control from reality (which, I probably don’t need to tell you, as a fight, is only going to end one way!). The practice of Zen is to rest in that not-knowing and give ourselves over the experience of reality itself rather than how we think it should be.
Darlene talks of a time she was practicing at Tassajara Zen Center and her mind started feeling like it was in turmoil. Rather than fight this, she experienced it just as it was. Eventually she identified it as a pull to leave San Francisco Zen Center and re-enter the world of work and material life (just as the end of the Ox-herding pictures end up with the seeker returning to the market place). This would have been hard if she had fixed her view of herself as a monastic but instead she let herself be guided by what her body and mind were telling her.
Not-knowing can be hard to sit with but Darlene points out how freeing it is to not be grasping tightly to how we think we reality should be, and putting all of our thoughts and ideas down, even for just a moment.
Darlene suggests that the way to work with this is to be fully present for our lives as much as we can, responding to what arises. This allows us to both be free from the grasping tightly to our ideas and also to be able to influence how life is through how we respond moment-by-moment.
She gives a great quote from Hashimoto Roshi:
“In whatever situation you may be in, in whatever place you are standing right here and now, this is the place in which you have to erect the banner of truth.”
Darlene also talks about getting much well-meaning advice from colleagues in the world of work, about financial security and other ways of feeling in control about your life, none of which are inherently bad. However, Darlene and her husband found that their own values differed from that of others and that was okay. She makes it clear that financial planning is in no way a bad thing but she wanted to illustrate how easy it is for us to be drawn away from our not-knowing into grasping for certainty and control. Even if we eat exactly as healthy diet experts recommend (is it the Mediterranean diet which is the current favourite? I lose track), do not smoke or drink, exercise regularly and live somewhere with clean air and low stress, we cannot control how long we will live. That is not to say that all of those things are not great to do, but deluding ourselves that we can totally control how our life will be is, as many of us have probably learned, not in tune with how things actually are.
We can simultaneously plan for the future and do the right things, and realise that we do not know how things are going to work out. Such is the way of practice. As Katagiri Roshi puts it, “Being present right now, right here, with wholeheartedness, is completely beyond speculation.”
Question prompts:
1. In what ways do you try and control your life, especially (but not limited to) around illness?
2. How do you find sitting with uncertainty and not knowing?
Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-
Here Darlene reminds us of the fact that we are not in control of large parts of our lives, no matter how much we would like to think we are, including how and where we grow up, national and internation events, and day-to-day issues that arise which we cannot know will happen. Of course, it is good to plan and protect ourselves and our loved ones where we can, but the bubble of an idea that we are in control of our lives will always be burst by reality.
She points out that in meditation, the simplest task such as focussing on the breath makes us realise how little control we even have over our own minds. With such little control all we can do is be intimate with and responsive to what arises in each moment.
However, most of us are uncomfortable with the not knowing of how things are going to pan out, and spend our lives trying to wrestle back control from reality (which, I probably don’t need to tell you, as a fight, is only going to end one way!). The practice of Zen is to rest in that not-knowing and give ourselves over the experience of reality itself rather than how we think it should be.
Darlene talks of a time she was practicing at Tassajara Zen Center and her mind started feeling like it was in turmoil. Rather than fight this, she experienced it just as it was. Eventually she identified it as a pull to leave San Francisco Zen Center and re-enter the world of work and material life (just as the end of the Ox-herding pictures end up with the seeker returning to the market place). This would have been hard if she had fixed her view of herself as a monastic but instead she let herself be guided by what her body and mind were telling her.
Not-knowing can be hard to sit with but Darlene points out how freeing it is to not be grasping tightly to how we think we reality should be, and putting all of our thoughts and ideas down, even for just a moment.
Darlene suggests that the way to work with this is to be fully present for our lives as much as we can, responding to what arises. This allows us to both be free from the grasping tightly to our ideas and also to be able to influence how life is through how we respond moment-by-moment.
She gives a great quote from Hashimoto Roshi:
“In whatever situation you may be in, in whatever place you are standing right here and now, this is the place in which you have to erect the banner of truth.”
Darlene also talks about getting much well-meaning advice from colleagues in the world of work, about financial security and other ways of feeling in control about your life, none of which are inherently bad. However, Darlene and her husband found that their own values differed from that of others and that was okay. She makes it clear that financial planning is in no way a bad thing but she wanted to illustrate how easy it is for us to be drawn away from our not-knowing into grasping for certainty and control. Even if we eat exactly as healthy diet experts recommend (is it the Mediterranean diet which is the current favourite? I lose track), do not smoke or drink, exercise regularly and live somewhere with clean air and low stress, we cannot control how long we will live. That is not to say that all of those things are not great to do, but deluding ourselves that we can totally control how our life will be is, as many of us have probably learned, not in tune with how things actually are.
We can simultaneously plan for the future and do the right things, and realise that we do not know how things are going to work out. Such is the way of practice. As Katagiri Roshi puts it, “Being present right now, right here, with wholeheartedness, is completely beyond speculation.”
Question prompts:
1. In what ways do you try and control your life, especially (but not limited to) around illness?
2. How do you find sitting with uncertainty and not knowing?
Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-
There are days when I feel I wasted my sit by getting caught up in thoughts. 
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