[HealthDharma] Turning Suffering Inside Out, chapter two, part two

[Kokuu]

May I? I may be here intermittently.

One of my Dharma sisters at Bird Haven was Darlene's student and transferred to Kenshin after her time.

Of course you may! And that is lovely that one of your dharma sisters was a student of Darlene's.

My conditions (slow leukemia, chronic lumbar, knee and ankle deterioration/arthritis, seizures, cardio) have limited my available postures and activities, but the pain levels have been remarkably low considering. We're all three of us depressed here all the time, but that has to do with having lost an irreplaceable family member. What happens is I'm unable to do much or think clearly for a week or so, then I'm fairly able and bright for a week or so. So I tether myself to the moment, not trying to live by a fixed calendar. I would characterize the general mood as patience, with a dollop of regarding contentment as joy of living with a low flame.

That loss must still feel very raw

You might be surprised at how much anime and manga I consume. In better weather I do try to garden, though lately it seems to be in ten minute increments. What can be more lovely than a tiny baby daikon shouldering its way through the earth crumbs?

Manga and anime are great, and gardening is such a lovely thing to do, even in small increments. I similarly have a small garden of herbs in pots which I enjoy tending to.


Gassho
Kokuu

[Kokuu]

2. How do you relate to Darlene talking about finding comfort, both in the centre of pain and suffering, and by using distractions? Do you think you use distraction in a conscious and mindful way or more as a reactive escape?

In some way, yes. Like for example reading topics of my interest are much more conscious forms of escape than playing videogames or numbing with addictive patterns. Again, I would like to nourish drawing and taking photographs. Learning Chinese with an app on the phone is a good transition to more mindful choices.

It was very moving the part of the old lady on the wheelchair that came to realize that the whole universe was her medicine. Also when Darlene mentions the giving up using meditation as means to improve myself, otherwise we can't go deeper; however this sounds already like a Koan.

That is a good reminder that even with the internet there are choices we can make that are more mindful, and learning Chinese with an app sounds like a good thing to do. There is still a space for videogames too chosen mindfully. Your inclination to draw and take photographs seems to be something lovely to nourish.

Darlene definitely taps into the wisdom of Zazen in reminding us not to use it as a form of self-improvement.


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Kokuu]

1. I would say I have finally found some balance and hope from taking a more active role in my own health. This is much harder than can seem as it can be very demoralizing having a chronic illness that is relentless.

2. To be completely honest at their start of my problems all I sought out was comfort, and it was an important step to help remain active in trying to figure this out. While others will constantly offer suggestions, it is really up to you to figure out what you need to more than survive but actually try to thrive. Sometimes we view ourselves as above this and that we have been practicing for decades, surely we can do better! But until you are in the situation it is incredibly difficult to cast judgment on others on how they figured out to get through it.

I think those are important points, Brett, and at the beginning of a chronic illness many of us find ourselves in survival mode, looking for whatever means we can to cope. After some time and acceptance it may be that then we can look at how to thrive but, as you say, even then there are times when we find ourselves just needing to survive a particularly tough time, and we should not judge ourselves or others for that.

Gassho
Kokuu

[Kokuu]

Thank you for the summary and prompts Kokuu.
Weakness etc prevents me from participating as much as I'd like in reflection and discussion unfortunately.

Dee, it is lovely having you as part of the group and I hope you can benefit by the reading and discussion here even if you cannot always join in so much.

Gassho
Kokuu