[Challenging Times] -(20)- Karkinos - Tenku Ruff

[Jundo]

An essay about cancer and life ...

We are at page 219 in the book ... but not too late for anyone to jump in ...

For those who do not yet have a copy, I have made a PDF version available here for those waiting for their ordered book, or those unable to afford or obtain the book (second half of the book):https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yQV...usp=share_link

Feel free to jump into the readings and discussion even if you have not read other chapters.

Gassho, Jundo

stlah

[Tairin]

Great essay on a difficult topic of cancer and death.

Cancer is something that has riddled my mother’s side of the family. She has lost 3 of 4 siblings to cancer and both she and my aunt have had cancer. My cousins on that side have also had cancer. All that’s to say that it is something I have to be aware of.

Death has also been on my mind more and more. Both my parents and parent-in-laws are getting up there in age. I can see them slowing down and also mentally preparing for their end. All lives come to an end and yet I know I am not ready.

This essay has provoked many thoughts.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Houzan]

I enjoyed this essay.
Reflecting on death brings a sense of great awe.
Coming to terms with death is not easy, but I can see the tremendous value in terms of 'how to live'.

Reading the verse generated some additional thoughts and feelings:
This mind is impermanent, quickly passing.
Wake up, you fool!
Not knowing when, death is still a certainty.
Deeply experience this moment!
The next moment might be too late.

Gassho, Michael
Satlah

[Onkai]

A lovely and loving essay. What struck me is that people don't know how they will respond to a cancer diagnosis until they have one, and that it's possible to approach death with grace. I don't know how I would face cancer or death. Also that there's life in death and death in life. I didn't know there are always cancer cells, but they're usually naturally destroyed before they can cause harm. It's all about not taking life for granted.

Gassho, Onkai
Sat lah

[Alina]

Last week I had my yearly well-check with the dermatologist. She found a small mole that was "somewhat suspicious but not too concerning" on my back, so she removed it and sent it to be analyzed. I am sort of used to this by now (at least that's what I told myself) and I kept my cool in the doctor's office. For the past 13 years I've been keeping an eye on my skin, and this is the 5th time a mole has been removed, so far all the previous ones were "dysplastic melanocytic nevus", which means that they were all a few steps before becoming melanoma.

The next day while my husband was removing the bandage to clean the wound and place a new bandage, I was not able to "keep my cool" anymore. In all the previous occasions, looking after the small wound that eventually becomes a scar was something I would do on my own, as if I was somehow detached from it. Then I would push all of this to the back of my mind, "out of sight", and continue with my day-to-day as usual. This time, I had a full body experience of fear, while he was cleaning the wound I was dizzy, pale, sweating cold, I could feel my whole body terrified, arms, legs, my head, fear was all over me, but instead of dissociating from it, I focused on my breath and I kept breathing in and out while I was overwhelmed by fear, fear of the results of the biopsy. When my husband had applied a new band-aid, I lied in bed, calmed down, and realized that I had, for the first time in all these years, fully felt my fear of melanoma (I am 43 now, melanoma's survival rate is very low of middle aged people...). Once the wave of fear had passed over me like a tsunami, I realized that I had somehow managed to navigate it, I did not drown in it. And I felt that the other thing that is always present, even in such fear, is love. By staying with my breath I was able to not lose touch with "the love that pervades everything", and that love will be with me whatever the result of the biopsy. A couple of days later the nurse called and said "it was just a benign mole, there's no need for further treatment". I cannot explain the relief I feel.

During the weekend, I read this essay.

I did not have cancer. The results of the biopsy came back benign. Cancer-free. Does this mean I still do not know cancer? I do not know cancer, but my understanding has widened. I have taken my place in the line of people who know the direct experience of being afraid to hear the results of a biopsy.

"It was my 5th biopsy!" I thought when I read that, "I have more experience than her!" (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

Our cells are constantly changing and the potential for cancer is built into our genomes

I know that, I've studied that at the molecular level, I know it will be with me for as long as I live, and yet I had never been able to be there for the fear it creates in me.

Death is in every moment of life-in the most profound shooting star and the most ordinary cup of tea. There is life in death, and there is death in life. This is the gift of the Dharma. And when the True Crab comes, who knows how it will be?

Last week the True Crab visited me, and I was able to not dissociate, and I also managed to not throw up and not faint. The full-blown-fear is still with me (sort of, not that intense, but I cannot push it "out of sight" anymore), but at the same time so is my breath, and the Dharma, and I feel a bit more at ease now, just a bit. I have a lot to learn from it.


Gassho

Alina
ST + LAH

[Tairin]

Alina Metta for you.



Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Alina]

Alina Metta for you.



Tairin
Sat today and lah

Thank you Tairin, Metta for you too.

Gassho [emoji120]

Alina
ST+LAH

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk