[Challenging Times] -(11)- Friendliness to the Self - Joshu Pat Phelan

[Jundo]

Dear Readers, Metta to All,

Some reflections on living and sitting with our rougher aspects.

I am sometimes a bit hesitant at the tendency these days for Zen practice to turn into a kind of "self-help" pop psychology, but I will make an exception in this case. I feel her advice on allowing and accepting ... without wallowing and giving free reign to ... our very human, rougher tendencies is actually quite reasonable, consistent with our Soto way of allowing thoughts and emotions without diving in.

I did wince when she raised Trungpa as an example of not repressing, but not giving action too, our raw states and desires ... because that guy did not live what he preached (sorry to say.)

I like how she brought the "Six Realms" down to earth as our psychological tendencies (many teachers do these days), and how she emphasized allowing Metta/Loving Kindness for ourself as well.

What do you think? Anything resonate with you this time?

For those who do not yet have a copy, I have made a PDF version available here for those waiting for their ordered book, or those unable to afford or obtain the book (second half of the book):https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yQV...usp=share_link

Feel free to jump into the readings and discussion even if you have not read other chapters.

Gassho, Jundo

stlah

[L_Moore]

Trungpa Reaction

Yes, I too winced at tendency of many to quote Trungpa as an exemplar of Buddhist thought and practice. I appreciate Jundo's honesty that not all Dharma heroes were necessarily as heroic in their lives as in their cleaned-up writings.

Still, I have to admit that Trungpa's writings on TAMING THE MIND and SPIRITUAL MATERIALISM are extremely valuable to anyone who might try to apply even a portion of what he has to say. To his credit when people came to him for instruction he told them -- first go away and just mediate/sit for about six months then we'll see.

It was not until some years after reading the books above that I encountered biographies written by insiders that relate his womanizing with wife's consent and attempts to create a secular 'kingdom' with his children appointed as Universal Monarches -- with absolutely no attempt by the authors to even question whether his behaviors might have been a bit over the top on a lot of levels. In truth, if we really look at the lives of many, many Dharma leaders (and of other religious and secular leaders in society) their behaviors are highly flawed, perhaps not too different from what our own might be under similar circumstances.

Sogyal Rinpoche used Padmasambhava as a model to justify his behaviors that were less than pristine. But again, from Sogyal's group I came to appreciate the four immeasurables which are basically from the same vein of thought as Treeleaf metta verses (in my opinion, which might be wrong). Even some Zen leaders apparently committed suicide perhaps because of guilt from some of their exploits.

What do we take away from all this? Do we throw out the baby with the bath water? What I take from it after sitting patiently is that the Dharma itself is so deep, so pure, and so resilient that it can withstand even the handling through the tainted hands of flawed leaders and even the denied germy-ness embedded in our own mitts. It may be an odd take away, but in Trungpa's case I feel he did really seem to have a heartfelt drive to get the Dharma out there into as many hands as possible and not use the excuse of 'I'm not good enough' to just sit back and do nothing. In the big scheme of things many mystics have told us that in the long run it is not always clear where the dividing line is between good and bad for individuals or society. Currently, I have to look at the Trungpa case and similar legacies as a reminder that we have to find our own inner light and not depend on trying to find a perfect external teacher that will give us light, beauty, and enlightenment on a golden platter.

We cannot depend on outside gurus to provide us truth, even though we should appreciate and admire those who help us along the way. Ultimately there is no true dividing line between inside and outside, which is why some version of moral commitment to not harm 'others' should not be dismissed. If there is any 'enlightenment' we have to find it either inside ourselves or in our balanced personal interactions with outside forces. Sitting helps provide the foundation of balance.

Lmoore sat 7/15

[Tairin]

I understand and appreciate the interferences to "self help" that is coming out of this essay. I too am hesitant to view this practice strictly through the eyes of self help. But I like this essay. I believe that more than just a prescription for self help what Joshu Pat Phelan is really talking about is the stuff that comes up while we sit on the cushion and carry on with our lives. We all come with baggage that we are not proud of. There's a tendency to try to hide it or forcefully put it down but it is always there dragging behind us. Tike how this essay is more about confronting that part of us that we'd rather sweep away. Confronting and accepting.

Rereading this I think “confronting “ is too strong a work. I think I prefer “being with”

| I practice Metta every day. Sometimes I shortcut to just a specific person who I feel needs my Metta or a person I found difficult that day. Interestingly I often (but not always) skip myself. This essay has me reconsidering that.

Our yearly Precepts readings borrow heavily from Joshu Pat Phelan and I very much like her writing and perspective.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Onkai]

I agree that if practice is to be a human activity, it has to embrace human experience, not just parts we pick and choose as acceptable. This article shows how to do that, without being driven by those parts we don't like.

Gassho, Onkai
Sat lah

[Alina]

When strong emotions arise in me during Zazen, I "breathe through" them, like surfing a wave till it reaches the beach. Sometimes thoughts and images accompany the strong emotions, other times it's tightness in the body that becomes almost suffocating. I sort of visualize my breath as embracing all of it (I say sort of because I don't really see an image of this, "visualize" describes it even though it's more like I feel this), the emotions, the tightness, thoughts, etc, and the "wave" eventually disappears. Strong emotional states were very confusing for me when I started sitting Zazen, but after a year or two of sitting, one day all what I described above simply "happened", and from that moment on, I breathe through whatever arises during a sitting session.

So, this essay resonates with me because I feel Joshu Pat Phelan is describing something very similar, not running away from the "dark side", being with it, letting it be and letting go of it.

She also mentions the brahma viharas, a practice that I have found very helpful to focus on during the day, simply trying to be "heartful" while being mindful by cultivating loving-kindness, compassion, equanimity and joy while I'm doing laundry or washing the dishes or any other repetitive activity. She focusses mostly on metta/friendliness, but I feel like all four go together (just a personal opinion). I liked the essay, it's very honest and straightforward.

Gassho
Alina
ST

[Jundo]

When strong emotions arise in me during Zazen, I "breathe through" them, like surfing a wave till it reaches the beach. Sometimes thoughts and images accompany the strong emotions, other times it's tightness in the body that becomes almost suffocating. I sort of visualize my breath as embracing all of it (I say sort of because I don't really see an image of this, "visualize" describes it even though it's more like I feel this), the emotions, the tightness, thoughts, etc, and the "wave" eventually disappears. Strong emotional states were very confusing for me when I started sitting Zazen, but after a year or two of sitting, one day all what I described above simply "happened", and from that moment on, I breathe through whatever arises during a sitting session.

So, this essay resonates with me because I feel Joshu Pat Phelan is describing something very similar, not running away from the "dark side", being with it, letting it be and letting go of it.

She also mentions the brahma viharas, a practice that I have found very helpful to focus on during the day, simply trying to be "heartful" while being mindful by cultivating loving-kindness, compassion, equanimity and joy while I'm doing laundry or washing the dishes or any other repetitive activity. She focusses mostly on metta/friendliness, but I feel like all four go together (just a personal opinion). I liked the essay, it's very honest and straightforward.

Gassho
Alina
ST

Thank you, Alina. That is a nice description.

We are like sailors, taking the sea as it comes.

Sometimes the waves (emotions) on the sea are calm, sometimes rough and we just ride it out. Sometimes we can only batten down the hatches and wait for the storm to pass.

BUT it is ALL GOOD SAILING, all the trip. We don't say that calm seas are good, the rough seas are bad sailing. We let each be the passing weather, ALL of it good sailing.

Of course, we also don't dive into the rough seas, try to fight them more, stir them up more, make it worse. To fight the rough seas and try to calm them is not good sailing, to wallow in the storming emotions and buy into them is not good sailing, to make the storm worse is not good sailing. To sail through them as the storms blow through is good sailing.

Something like that.

Gassho, J

[Tokan]

Hey all

Probably just a couple of quick points to keep the word count down. Firstly, I like that Joshu Phelan brings up the topic of working with all parts of ourselves, including them in our practice, and not treating the bits we don't like as something outside of ourselves. We have such little control in the development of our personality and traits that we spend the majority of our lives trying to figure out who we are and how we can improve ourselves. So, not only friendliness, but also kindness to the self is crucial as we have to accept that we have "flaws" that are hard to eradicate, if at all. It was important for me to learn that Zen didn't have the power to change me, but it could change the relationship I have towards myself (but then actually changing me after all).

Secondly, she mentions feeling jealous when her partner seemed to be getting too close to another person. I know Zen practice might suggest that we should be non-attached and above such emotions, but we are human, and being in an intimate relationship does imply that you have a direct responsibility to behave in a way that does not harm your partner. That, in my mind, is not "anti-Zen" or being weak, or lacking in practice. It is okay to be hurt, but you should explore that, understand it, and come to terms with it, so that it doesn't become a non-healing wound.

None of what I say is any kind of teaching, just more ruminations on how to put the next foot forward on the way!

Gassho, Tokan

satlah

[Alina]

It was important for me to learn that Zen didn't have the power to change me, but it could change the relationship I have towards myself (but then actually changing me after all).

Thank you Tokan for sharing this.
Gassho
Alina
ST

[Alina]

Thank you, Alina. That is a nice description.

We are like sailors, taking the sea as it comes.

Sometimes the waves (emotions) on the sea are calm, sometimes rough and we just ride it out. Sometimes we can only batten down the hatches and wait for the storm to pass.

BUT it is ALL GOOD SAILING, all the trip. We don't say that calm seas are good, the rough seas are bad sailing. We let each be the passing weather, ALL of it good sailing.

Of course, we also don't dive into the rough seas, try to fight them more, stir them up more, make it worse. To fight the rough seas and try to calm them is not good sailing, to wallow in the storming emotions and buy into them is not good sailing, to make the storm worse is not good sailing. To sail through them as the storms blow through is good sailing.

Something like that.

Gassho, J

Alina
ST

[Shinchi]

I know I'm a little late to the discussion here, but I have been following along silently and enjoying this book very much so far!

This chapter was no exception. I seem to always appreciate Josho Pat Phelan's writings. In this chapter, one of the things that resonated with me most was the idea of leaning into pain with full attention and acceptance rather than "tensing up and trying to shield ourselves" from it (or shooting the second arrow). It also reminded me of some of what Thich Nhat Hanh wrote in "No Mud, No Lotus", in that the idea is not to eradicate suffering, but rather to learn to suffer well by caring for pain with understanding and compassion. "...the art of happiness is also the art of suffering well". I appreciated the practical ways to practice this from this chapter (as difficult as they can be sometimes).

Gassho,
Shinchi
stlah

[Chikyou]

I always say these essays are wonderful, and I mean that, but this one is ESPECIALLY wonderful, relevant and helpful to me personally. Having a healthier relationship with my emotions is a journey I've been on for a while now, and this ties it beautifully into practice.

Gassho,
SatLah
Kelly