The Zen Master's Dance - 4 - Fukan Zazengi (to p. 23)

[Jundo]

I hope (as we recite in the Metta Verses), this finds you well and, if not, content in all your ills.

For the next couple of weeks we will turn to the chapter, "The Way of Zazen Recommended for Everyone (Fukan Zazengi)," stopping before "The Basics and the Missing Ingredient," which is page 19 to the top of page 23 in paper.

I would like you to write a paragraph or two, based on an actual event in your life or an imagined situation, in which you switch back and forth between a powerful, negative emotion (such as depression or grief, anger/hate, addiction, disappointment, jealousy, strong/excessive desire for something, fear, frustration or the like) and a "letting go" and radical equanimity as I describe in those pages with my own fear due to my cancer at the time. Like hitting a switch, I could swing in and out of a sense of fear of death, loneliness and loss, and a sense of nothing to fear, wholeness/connection and nothing possible to lose. Sometimes (and somehow the best moments) I could experience BOTH ways as one, together at once. Even "death" was not a "thing," and there was no "self" to lose. I often say that there is a sense of such wholeness that, for example, there is no separate thief, no separate thing to be stolen, nothing lacking thus no need to steal.

Describe a situation (like how I described being in my hospital bed experiencing these feelings) in which one goes back and forth, back and forth, between knowing life both ways. I sometimes say that it is like seeing life these two ways out of two eyes, but both eyes open together bring clarity.

Gassho, J

STLah

[Stewart]

As a child, I learned to observe my emotions and the advantage of not going along with them. Though why I started this habit I can’t discern. However, it meant that when I encountered ‘The Litany Against Fear’ in Frank Herbert’s ‘Dune’ it fitted me well. I learned to apply it to a range of emotions, in particular anger and depression. The full text is:

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

Shikantaza has refined this reflex and Zen has given it a theoretical underpinning which now causes me to omit the first and last sentences. Now, when a wave of rage builds, bubbles of anger form in my blood and fire swirls about me….I can simply sit, smile or be polite as needed.

One example. A former colleague, who I refused to promote, wrote to the school management accusing me of predatory pedophilia. Without my officially knowing of the accusation, it was investigated and dismissed. However, he bragged about it to me and gloated over my imminent dismissal. I worked with him for the next few years until he moved on to another job. At which point I objectively decided that he met the criteria for the leaving bonus. He told me that doing so showed I was weak for not taking what revenge I could. One of many life events that I now usually find dull though they can be triggers into an intense emotional response.

Stewart
Sat

[Jundo]

“I must not fear.
...
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

Shikantaza has refined this reflex and Zen has given it a theoretical underpinning which now causes me to omit the first and last sentences.

Lovely, and I can only say that I hope that I would act with such wisdom and tolerance under like circumstances.

Oh, Dogen would so very much approve. He tells this story:

Someone told me this story, although I cannot be sure of its veracity. Jimyoin, the late government councilor who was a lay monk, once had his valuable sword stolen. The thief was someone among his retainers. The other warriors seized the man and brought him before Jimyoin, yet Jimyoin declared that the recovered sword was not the missing sword, and had it returned to the thieving retainer. There was no doubt that the sword was Jimyoin’s but, considering the disgrace and shame of the warrior, he returned it anyway. Everyone knew the truth too, but let the situation end without further ado nonetheless. For this reason, it is said that the councilor’s family flourished for many generations. If even a lay person can possess a big hearted attitude like this, how much more so should a monk have such an attitude!
Because monks best have no personal property and wealth, their true treasure is wisdom and virtue. Thus, even if we see someone who has lost the Buddha Way, and engages in some wrong, we should not speak our criticism openly, judging the person to be bad. Rather, it is best to find skillful means in speaking that does not give rise to anger in others. It is said that violence and anger eventually bring about a fall. Even if our censuring someone is in accord with the dharma, the use of course language with be the eventual downfall of the dharma.
A small person quickly angers and feels insulted when the object of even small criticism using course words. A great person, however, never considers retaliating even if hit. Alas, in our country today, small people are many. We had best take care. (SZ 4-16)

A great story. Let us offer Metta for that fellow, who is surely suffering within.

Gassho, J

STLah

[Nengyoku]

There is a gentleman I work with whose political views are pretty contradictory to my own. If we were to have a discussion I imagine we would find almost nothing to agree upon. When I first started working here I would have to force myself not to listen to him whenever he began ranting about politics.
I would usually just out earbuds in and drown him out, but if I did listen I would feel myself becoming increasingly annoyed and sometimes outright irate. I could feel myself rolling my eyes internally and coming up with arguments that would dismantle whatever he had just said.

And one day (a few months later, after really beginning my experience with Zazen) I stopped and took the time to really listen to what he was saying.

We were talking about the United States withdrawing from Afghanistan, as it was around the time this had taken place. Now personally I don't know enough about to situation to make an informed opinion. I tend to feel like life is a miracle, and that I do not have the right to take that from anyone. I think that must also apply to war, and that pulling out of war is generally a good idea. I understand also that world powers have been interfering in Afghanistan for several decades, and that it is probably unlikely that more fighting will bring an end to it.
However, I also understand that there are a lot of people who will suffer without someone standing against the Taliban.

But, as to my friend.
He was deployed to Afghanistan after 9/11. His unit was sent to a dirt runway in the middle of some desert, and tasked with creating a functioning military base from which operations could occur. They built the base from the ground up, and then eventually were sent home.
And from his point of view, when he enlisted he took a vow. A promise to defend the helpless, with his own life if need be.
And to him, those people who will suffer at the hands of the Taliban are people that we let down.
He said, "That I let down." But quickly changed it, and seemed ashamed to be feeling that level of emotion.

Now, when he says things that I disagree with, I find it much easier to realize that at the core he is a very compassionate person who just has a different point of view by which he approaches these issues.

Gassho,
William
SatToday

[Jundo]

There is a gentleman I work with whose political views are pretty contradictory to my own. If we were to have a discussion I imagine we would find almost nothing to agree upon. When I first started working here I would have to force myself not to listen to him whenever he began ranting about politics.
I would usually just out earbuds in and drown him out, but if I did listen I would feel myself becoming increasingly annoyed and sometimes outright irate. I could feel myself rolling my eyes internally and coming up with arguments that would dismantle whatever he had just said.

And one day (a few months later, after really beginning my experience with Zazen) I stopped and took the time to really listen to what he was saying.

We were talking about the United States withdrawing from Afghanistan, as it was around the time this had taken place. Now personally I don't know enough about to situation to make an informed opinion. I tend to feel like life is a miracle, and that I do not have the right to take that from anyone. I think that must also apply to war, and that pulling out of war is generally a good idea. I understand also that world powers have been interfering in Afghanistan for several decades, and that it is probably unlikely that more fighting will bring an end to it.
However, I also understand that there are a lot of people who will suffer without someone standing against the Taliban.

But, as to my friend.
He was deployed to Afghanistan after 9/11. His unit was sent to a dirt runway in the middle of some desert, and tasked with creating a functioning military base from which operations could occur. They built the base from the ground up, and then eventually were sent home.
And from his point of view, when he enlisted he took a vow. A promise to defend the helpless, with his own life if need be.
And to him, those people who will suffer at the hands of the Taliban are people that we let down.
He said, "That I let down." But quickly changed it, and seemed ashamed to be feeling that level of emotion.

Now, when he says things that I disagree with, I find it much easier to realize that at the core he is a very compassionate person who just has a different point of view by which he approaches these issues.

Gassho,
William
SatToday

But can you feel such by which there remains no you, no friend, no Afghanistan, no desert, no time nor death thus no 9/11, no America, no Taliban, no war? Never was, all washed clean and whole in the waters of Emptiness.

All that in a world which yet has friends, Afghanistan, deserts, time, death, 9/11, America, Taliban and war.

Gassho, J

STLah

[Nengyoku]

But can you feel such by which there remains no you, no friend, no Afghanistan, no desert, no time nor death thus no 9/11, no America, no Taliban, no war? Never was, all washed clean and whole in the waters of Emptiness.

All that in a world which yet has friends, Afghanistan, deserts, time, death, 9/11, America, Taliban and war.

Gassho, J

STLah

To me presently that is what I mean when I say that I can see he is a compassionate person with a different point of view.

Without the divisions we create in our minds everyone is as compassionate as we are. Their different point of view in this relative world is not more or less wrong than mine for being different. Just as I am capable of being wrong or right. And still there is no wrong or right without those distinctions. We are all just part of the turning wheel of timelessness.
And so we continue to give those wrong opinions while still seeing them for what they are not in that absolute sense.

Gassho,
William
Sat

[Jundo]

To me presently that is what I mean when I say that I can see he is a compassionate person with a different point of view.

Without the divisions we create in our minds everyone is as compassionate as we are. Their different point of view in this relative world is not more or less wrong than mine for being different. Just as I am capable of being wrong or right. And still there is no wrong or right without those distinctions. We are all just part of the turning wheel of timelessness.
And so we continue to give those wrong opinions while still seeing them for what they are not in that absolute sense.

Gassho,
William
Sat

What you write is true, but I am speaking of a further leap ... in which there is no "he" nor "I" nor any view, different or not. There are no divisions so radically, that there are no "our mind" or "his mind" or "we" or "everyone." There is no right or wrong, which is thoroughly Right!

This is so, hand in hand (the sound of one hand clapping hand) as this world of he and I, same and different, divisions, minds and us.

Gassho, J

STLah

[Nengyoku]

What you write is true, but I am speaking of a further leap ... in which there is no "he" nor "I" nor any view, different or not. There are no divisions so radically, that there are no "our mind" or "his mind" or "we" or "everyone." There is no right or wrong, which is thoroughly Right!

This is so, hand in hand (the sound of one hand clapping hand) as this world of he and I, same and different, divisions, minds and us.

Gassho, J

STLah

Meaning that all things are empty, and are connected by observation of these things. In observing them they become a part of our experience, our path.
Our observing of these things brings them form in a relative sense. And so if we do not perceive them as form and instead as only an extension of ourselves then we see that all we see is ourself.
If everything is ourself then there is no distinction of "our" to begin with, there is only sentient beings. If sentient beings means to be composed of many in the same way that each human is billions of individual organisms working together, then the entire universe is just one sentient being observing itself.
And so in the same way that one part of your body does not observe another as separate, we do not see each other as separate. And so we cultivate the Dharmakaya because in doing so we benefit ourselves, but without self the benefit is for all sentient beings. Or rather, because there are no sentient beings, there is no benefit. But in a relative sense, we still try to do good.

Gassho,
William
Sat

[Jundo]

Meaning that all things are empty, and are connected by observation of these things. In observing them they become a part of our experience, our path.
Our observing of these things brings them form in a relative sense. And so if we do not perceive them as form and instead as only an extension of ourselves then we see that all we see is ourself.
If everything is ourself then there is no distinction of "our" to begin with, there is only sentient beings. If sentient beings means to be composed of many in the same way that each human is billions of individual organisms working together, then the entire universe is just one sentient being observing itself.
And so in the same way that one part of your body does not observe another as separate, we do not see each other as separate. And so we cultivate the Dharmakaya because in doing so we benefit ourselves, but without self the benefit is for all sentient beings.

No, I don't mean just that. I mean that there is no separate "ourself" to observe nor anyone or thing apart to be observed (can we even speak then of "observing," any more than a mirror shining in its own mirror??), nor "part" nor "path" nor "sentient beings" nor "separate" nor "together" nor "benefit" nor "Dharmakaya."

What then?!

All such, even in this world of "ourself" and "observing" and "observed" and "parts" and "path" and "sentient beings" and "separate" and "together" and "benefits" and "Dharmakaya.

From the Large Sutra of the Perfection of Wisdom (a very much expanded Teaching in the same flavor as the Heart Sutra) ...

And that emptiness, that is neither produced nor stopped, is neither defiled nor purified, does not decrease or increase; and that which is neither produced nor stopped, neither defiled nor purified, neither decreased nor increased, that is not past, future, or present. (II) There is no form in it, no feeling, etc.; no eye, etc. to: no mind; no form, etc, to: no mind-objects; no eye-element, etc. to: no mind-consciousness ; no ignorance, no stopping of ignorance, etc. to : no decay and death, no stopping of decay and death; no suffering and no comprehension of suffering; no origination and no forsaking of origination; no stopping and no realization of stopping; no path and no development of the path; no attainment, and no reunion; no Streamwinner, and no fruit of a Streamwinner; etc. to: no Bodhisattva, and no knowledge of the modes of the path; no Buddha, and no enlightenment. (Ill) It is in this sense, Sariputra, that a Bodhisattva, a great being who courses in perfect wisdom, is to be called "joined" [whole].

Gassho, J

STLah

[Nengyoku]

can we even speak then of "observing," any more than a mirror shining in its own mirror?

I think this is the point where language breaks down. Where anything I add becomes fox slobber.
The point where I extend one hand silently, or speak of moondrops falling from a crane's bill.

What then?!

With no division then all is right as it is.
No need to see his point of view because it is also my point of view, that there is no point of view. No right or wrong for either of us to not-hold.
All of it just is; as it is not.

And if all of it just is, then whatever middle-way we do decide upon in the relative also just is. No need to second guess, or regret.

And yet, I can tell I still don't get it.
Thank you for all of your teaching non-teaching, Jundo.

Gassho,
William
Sat

[Showan]

I don't know if this is exactly what you're asking about, but the closest thing I have experienced was the two times I had to drive my wife to the emergency room late at night, for a ruptured gall bladder which caused severe pancreatitis (on our honeymoon!) and for a severe allergic reaction years later. Both times I experienced something I can only describe as two states of mind at once. On the one hand, my emotional mind was clouded with fear and worry for my wife; at the same time, a part of me "took over" which was absolutely clear and focused on exactly what needed to be done from moment to moment to get her the care she needed. I say "took over" but that's not an accurate description of what was going on--I was simultaneously fully aware of both states of mind at the same time, as though I had two brains in my skull at the same time.

[rj]

During work last week, I had a situation where a particularly challenging client complained to one of my supervisors about something that happened that I had no control over. He does this on a somewhat regular basis, and it often causes incredible frustration for me, as I am then responsible for explaining and/or coordinating a response to address the situation. When it happened last week, at first I was frustrated and annoyed... but then tried to step back before deciding how to proceed. I saw him as a suffering individual, with his own reasons and life experiences that have caused him to behave and respond as he does. While the situation is still ongoing, and will likely happen time and time again, I am actively working on learning to recognize when I start getting "caught up", and then trying to remind myself that he is suffering, and that compassion and equanimity are more beneficial than resentment and letting my ego get involved... it is not always perfect, but I am viewing him and the situation as a chance to strengthen my practice...


rj~sat

[Tairin]

I am not sure this is exactly what the exercise calls for. Also for brevity I have left out some details but you will get the gist of my story.


At the time of my 50th birthday I went through an intense roller coaster of emotions in the span of a few days.

My wife put a lot of effort into making my 50th birthday special. We had a great day with a lot of nice surprises. My family came over for a lovely meal my wife had made then we all went to my son’s school to watch a play that his class had written and performed. The class had spent most of the term preparing the script, the scenes, and the costumes. The play included music my son composed specifically for the play. It was a fantastic day.

Next day my wife went in for some scheduled surgery. While I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for her to wake up I got a call from my manager informing me that I was one of a group of people being laid off from work. This was strictly a bean counter decision as I had been working my butt off for years and was leading several key projects. Devastated I had to hide my news and emotions from my wife for several hours as I focused on her and her recovery. I finally told her that evening.

The day following the surgery we were back in the hospital. My wife had got an infection due to the surgery and needed to spend two days in the hospital for several round of antibiotics. She was a lot of pain. Meanwhile my son was celebrating what is considered to be one of the highlights of his school where their play is performed 3 times a day for a week. To not spoil his experience we had decided to not tell him about the loss of my job or my wife’s surgery but I could not conceal her being in the hospital. My wife and I missed the last two performances.

Finally once my wife was home we had to confront the reality that I had lost my job and because I was (and am) the sole wage earner in the house we needed to make significant adjustments to our lifestyle until I was able to find more work. I finally did four months later.

During all of this I sat daily with all the elation, joy, concerns, and stresses. I did manage to find some degree of equanimity through it all. In fact it was this series of events helped solidify for me the value of this practice. It was in the Fall of that year that I fully committed to this path and undertook Jukai.



Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Jundo]

I don't know if this is exactly what you're asking about, but the closest thing I have experienced was the two times I had to drive my wife to the emergency room late at night, for a ruptured gall bladder which caused severe pancreatitis (on our honeymoon!) and for a severe allergic reaction years later. Both times I experienced something I can only describe as two states of mind at once. On the one hand, my emotional mind was clouded with fear and worry for my wife; at the same time, a part of me "took over" which was absolutely clear and focused on exactly what needed to be done from moment to moment to get her the care she needed. I say "took over" but that's not an accurate description of what was going on--I was simultaneously fully aware of both states of mind at the same time, as though I had two brains in my skull at the same time.

Thank you, Max. I am glad that she is better now. What a honeymoon! But, that is true love!

I would say that you describe the mind of fear and worry, and also a mind of hyper focus to just do what needs to be done in the moment. That is truly a wondrous power, very much "in the moment" when one needs to be.

But there is also something more, that sweeps through it all, where there is no late at night nor daytime nor time, nothing to "rupture" in this unbroken wholeness, no honeymoon versus not on honeymoon, no reactions and no not reactions, no wife to be sick and no "me" to take over. This is so as but another face of this life of late night hospital trips, breaks and ruptures, reactions and no reactions. One might say that the universe is on a perpetual Big H Honeymoon, even when we must head to the emergency ward shaking to our boots.



Gassho, J

STLah

[Jundo]

During work last week, I had a situation where a particularly challenging client complained to one of my supervisors about something that happened that I had no control over. He does this on a somewhat regular basis, and it often causes incredible frustration for me, as I am then responsible for explaining and/or coordinating a response to address the situation. When it happened last week, at first I was frustrated and annoyed... but then tried to step back before deciding how to proceed. I saw him as a suffering individual, with his own reasons and life experiences that have caused him to behave and respond as he does. While the situation is still ongoing, and will likely happen time and time again, I am actively working on learning to recognize when I start getting "caught up", and then trying to remind myself that he is suffering, and that compassion and equanimity are more beneficial than resentment and letting my ego get involved... it is not always perfect, but I am viewing him and the situation as a chance to strengthen my practice...


rj~sat

Hi Nef,

That is a lovely story, and you brought a great deal of compassion and patience to the situation. You saw the challenging person as also the product of circumstances that made him so.

But I would point you to something more that sweeps through even that, a world of no professionals nor clients, nor challenges or no not challenges, so supervisors nor subordinates, no control nor lack of control, no frustration or annoyance (because no people or things to be in friction), no "time and again" for no time, no "caught up" for nothing to catch or let go. This is so even in a world of professionals with challenging clients, supervisors and sometime lack of control, frustrations and annoyance that happen time and again and catch us up!



Gassho, J

STLah