"Simple Living" - Chapters 31 and 32

[Nenka]

Like Jakuden - Same here for both

Now I'm going to get corny, but bear with me; I'm a very cheesy-type person - ah well there I go with the stories. hahahaha

Seriously - you are absolutely capable - I have the same problem though. I think these negative thought patterns are just my karma (nothing woo woo- I mean just thought patterns I allow to take root in my mind); but zazen allows us to sit with them and then watch them. I can't get rid of them but I can nip them in the bud - or actually I think when I nip them in the bud they get more energy because I'm paying them more attention, but when I watch them, they just fizzle out, sort of like when Buddha invited Mara in, and then Mara lost his energy. But seriously - you are capable, and we are all imposters just trying to do shit - some of us are just better at looking like we know wtf we are doing. I don't know why I remember this, but years ago, I thought you crocheted a Kraken. I mean to be able to create something is so fantastic; it really is. My mom crochets like it's nothing, and I think that's not a small feat. Bringing anything into this world is fantastic - I think when we focus on what we don't have rather than all the awesomeness we have kind of sets us in the wrong tone. Of course, I think that's easier said than done.

Anxiety - oy! I have a fear of failure because I like to win at what I do. I manage people; it's a lot like being a tenzo I guess; there are rewarding things and there are administrative things. But when you are the boss, with looming deadlines and people to take care of, it produces a lot of anxiety. But I think it comes down to acknowledging that anxiety; that anxiety can be a good thing; it lets me know to take things seriously, but you have to just let it be. You let that anxiety come up and really really taste it. Holy cow sometimes it's too much, but I know I can take it and it will pass. Because I think we all face this; I think this practice's magic is that it allows us to watch it without engaging it, which is very hard. Some days I just fail and give into it; then it passes anyway despite my worrying about worrying. hahahaha

I usually ask myself - am I doing my best? If I am, I can't control the outcome; that is what I'm afraid of, future outcome because I have a tight grip on wanting the goal. But in reality, this is illusion; I think things usually don't turn out to plan but they turn out better. I really do attribute that entire outlook to this practice; and now I'm calling it practice again, when I said it's not practice in another thread, so there's some more hypocrisy. hahahahah

Gassho

Risho
-stlah

Thanks, old Ango Buddy.

Also, it was Cthulhu! I can't believe you remember that, LOL.

Gassho

Nenka

ST

[Seishin]

Like many of us I'm living through a period of terrible worry and uncertainty, so both of these exercises are a necessary and constant challenge.

I'm generally unhappy most of the time at the moment, so as well as trying to assume the mantle of happiness, I'm also making a real effort to find pleasure in the small things in life, the moments, rather than the big full on laugh. I'm very grateful for the posts from Jundo and Kyonin - I would love to visit Japan, but as it's unlikely ever to happen, I'm really loving being along for the journey vicariously and that's bringing me a lot of pleasure.

Today I got a letter from the UK Health Service warning me that I may lose my Health Service benefits if/when Brexit happens. Apart from the anger at losing a benefit that I paid into all my working life, not having any health cover is causing me huge anxiety. However, when I received the letter, which I had been expecting, it was as if my anxiety had peaked - or maybe I just can't pile on any more - and I put the letter aside with a surprising degree of equanimity. This in itself actually helped to generate more equanimity around what might happen to me in the future, I feel encouraged that I can still find that balance.

Metta to all of us who are going through difficult times - but really, what a time to be alive!
Gassho
Meitou
sattodaylah

Meitou

Boy do I know what you are going through. Both these practices are key for me at the moment but with all things Brexit I struggle. My wife is yet to receive her letter which I will almost certainly intercept, so this madness does not give more angina attacks. I will not go on but you are in my thoughts.

Sat

[Kendrick]

31: I believe I may have done this a little backwards lol.. but I decided to imagine myself as shy, and more withdrawn around people. I am normally very talkative and outgoing - I love to go anywhere with practically anyone and will jump at opportunity to at most every chance even to the point of overcommitting/overlapping things. I have people in my life that are very withdrawn and suffer deeply from anxiety though - namely my wife and brother who are quiet and withdrawn and not people-people. I tried to take pause during this week to think how I might feel in situations if I were in their shoes and how it might feel to be asked or pressured to be in situations that might really stress them out. I realized the things I often think are exciting and fun may really be dreadful and quite often I didn't see ways out of situations that wouldn't disappoint someone (if I said no). I didn't change my outward actions or demeanor for this - it was all intellectual but I feel it gave me a little more awareness of what they might be going through and I'll think more about them in the future when I might be making a decision that affects them too.

32: This has always been a struggle for me over the years. Running scenarios (often negative) in my head about how something might turn out. I am happy to say it's something that isn't as bad of a habit now as it used to be. I can say I didn't really worry much about anything this week. Perhaps I got the luck of the draw this time.

Edit to add: I just read above. Metta to you Meitou. /\

Gassho
Kendrick
Sat