BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 45

[jeff_u]

Learning to keep my Zazen oven steadily burning even as the logs keep stacking up. There is no prize for burning the most logs. Dishes washed today will need to be washed tomorrow. Dropping "done" and "good job", picking up the next dish with a smile.


Gassho,
Jeff

[Kantai]

Thank you Jundo,

Gassho
Kantai

[Risho]

QUESTION: Can you describe life situations where you have become very good, through Zen Practice, at living free of delusion, discrimination, personal judgements all while living in a world of delusion, division and discrimination, with a head full of judgment ... doing both at once, seeing and living both ways at once as one?

I have noticed that practice has helped me quite a bit with work. In my line of work, there is troubleshooting... errors happen, sometimes they blindside me. But if I drop the feeling of how it should be and focus on what is, I can better focus on the problem. I'm also much better at admitting when I don't know something. But that is not an excuse to not act. Life is all about not knowing but acting anyway.

This koan really resonated with me, especially the line, "Don't be disturbed." Anger appears, fear, wants, dislikes, etc. Of course, it's human. But it doesn't have to disturb us. I think this practice is about diligence and effort. A life truly lived to the fullest is based on diligence and effort. If we do our best, with whatever we are handed, then we won't be disturbed. If we wish things were different and retreat and fail to try, then we are disturbed.... we are disrupted, we are owned by our emotions, we are thrown off balance.

But if in the midst of crazy, we can act spontaneously with the best intention, with the intention of helping others, putting others first, empathizing, caring about what happens, not worried about how bad we look because we don't know or don't have all the answers, that's not being Disturbed, even though things appear disturbing.

But things are out of our control... we really can't control "things" but we can control how we react. Do we flail about blaming others, blaming ourselves, belittling ourselves and putting others on pedestals or enlarging our egos and tearing others down? That's disturbing.

I told myself I wouldn't write about this, but tomorrow we have to euthanize our oldest dog. She is 14.5 years old, and a larger breed. It's our first dog together; we got her while we were still dating. Her name is Sakura; unfortunately I wasn't creative enough to come up with that name, but she is beautiful. She is the sweetest dog that's ever been in my family. She went blind a few years ago, then deaf. Now she has advanced arthritis and needs help most times getting up. She sleeps most of the time, and can't control her bowels.

In my mind, it's been a torrent of guilt of even thinking of euthanasia, but when I think of how things are and put aside my disturbing bullshit, I know what's best for her. Her well being has to come before my petty and selfish desires about things, and I know this is the right choice. It's very difficult, but it is the best thing, the most diligent and responsible and compassionate thing in these crazy circumstances. That is the only way to not be disturbed I feel.

I feel that this practice is all about not being disturbed and living a meaningful life full of compassion and letting go of our small ways to expand ourselves...to see that we are all truly in this together. It's a beautiful, beautiful practice.

Gassho,

Risho

[Jundo]

I told myself I wouldn't write about this, but tomorrow we have to euthanize our oldest dog. She is 14.5 years old, and a larger breed. It's our first dog together; we got her while we were still dating. Her name is Sakura; unfortunately I wasn't creative enough to come up with that name, but she is beautiful. She is the sweetest dog that's ever been in my family. She went blind a few years ago, then deaf. Now she has advanced arthritis and needs help most times getting up. She sleeps most of the time, and can't control her bowels.

I met this dog, saw how you took care of her in her old age with such love. Yes, the proof that you and your wife and this dog ... all are Buddha Nature!

I will dedicate our Zazenkai tomorrow to her. You are acting with all love and Compassion.

Gassho, J

[Risho]

Thank you

[Daitetsu]

Hi Risho,

I will be sitting for you and Sakura today.


Gassho,

Daitetsu

[Risho]

Thank you.

[AlanLa]

My condolences for your dog, Risho. I've been there and it's hard.

As for the koan question.... Thanks to Jundo, Taigu, and Treeleaf, my practice has pervaded my life to the point that it pervades all the actions of my life, even my stumbles off the Path. From little things like waiting in line at Walmart to bigger things like my whole philosophy of life and motivations for what I am doing with my life, all of it has been affected by my years of practice. I may still be a mess, but I am not the mess I used to be thanks to practice. However, I hesitate to say I am very good at any of it, more like somewhere on the road to getting close to good with a view of very good somewhere off in the distance. I am content being on the road to betterment as I drop ideas of betterment, which is exactly what helps me be better.

[Jundo]

... I hesitate to say I am very good at any of it, more like somewhere on the road to getting close to good with a view of very good somewhere off in the distance. I am content being on the road to betterment as I drop ideas of betterment, which is exactly what helps me be better.

Lovely!

On the road to being better and making the world better ... on the road to, somewhere down the line if not lives from now, being Buddha in fact ...

... all as right here is Buddha and right here is Buddha and, next, right here is Buddha Buddha Buddha all along.

Thus, ALL is Better! What could be ("Big "B") Better!? ... Even as we never give hope working and hoping to make things better (cause sure is a lot about us and this world to fix!!).

Lovely! (Ya couldn't have said this better!)

Gassho, J

[Kaishin]

I put myself in uncomfortable situations more often now, as I'm aware of the negative, mental noise that kept me from doing new things in the past. Noise is still there, but quieter, like Muzak.

Risho, sorry about Sakura. That is pretty old for a large breed! We recently adopted a rescue mutt and I can already tell it will be brutal when the time comes to let him go. May you and yours be at peace.
Gassho,
Kaishin

[Shinzan]

Risho, how tender your time with Sakura. (hand to heart)

Back to the koan,......wait, the koan is Risho's heartbreak and my heart touched. This too.
Shinzan

[Mp]

Risho,

I am so sorry to hear about Sakura ... I know the bond oh too well that we create with our beautiful four legged friends. I will sit for you both.

Gassho
Shingen

[Joyo]

Risho, I feel as if I am right there with you. I had to put down my beloved dog this summer. On July 23 I watched him take his last breath. Rudy, my cockapoo, spent 12 years with me. I still grieve for him each day. It is a difficult thing, grief. Somehow, in the process, I've found beauty. I hope you do too.

Gassho,
Joyo

[Risho]

Joyo that is so, so hard.

Everyone, thank you all for your kind words. Today we picked up Sakura's urn with her ashes. I put it next to our other dog's (Lexy) urn, which happens to be right by my Buddha statue. All 3 Buddhas together There is a space in the urn where we are going to put a family picture we had taken with her and our other dog Scout, last year. I will post the pic soon.

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to monopolize this thread with my drama. I really love you all. This sangha is my family too, and you support me in countless ways. Your support is tremendously endearing to me.

Gassho,

Risho

[Mp]

I put it next to our other dog's (Lexy) urn, which happens to be right by my Buddha statue. All 3 Buddhas together

Hello Risho,

This is a wonderful expression and I have done the same with my long time friend of 18 years, Mr. Charlie. They truly are Buddhisattva's! =)

Deep bows
Shingen