BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 21

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  • AlanLa
    Member
    • Mar 2008
    • 1405

    #16
    I love this koan. It hits me on so many levels, and I haven’t even read Jundo’s take on it yet. First of all, don’t Ungan and Dogo remind you of some Abbot and Costello routine? I got a broom right here for you. Looks like a second moon to me. Hilarious! Oh wait, there’s substance here…

    Sweeping the ground sounds like zazen, especially when you add in empty handed. But every day it’s like all this stuff that’s going on around you and in you – and you have to keep sweeping the ground of who you are. This is a self-view, but it is real and relevant; it is our Buddhist life that we monitor as a vow, as a keeper of precepts. How did I do? Metta for all my failures, and then a vow to do better.

    “To see the one who’s not hard at it we have to see penetrate through the barriers set up by Zen teachers.” Hah, take jundo and taigu and then move on! Don't get caught by treeleaf. Find your own answers within the content in, but the answers are NOT the content here.

    Absolute/relative = trap. We intellectualize the Zen crap to the point of ridiculousness. “Is it ok if I blink during zazen, jundo?” Drop it, drop the moon, too, while we’re at it; the actual moon that we are (and are not) a part of!

    All of our complaints are relative to something, thus codependent arising. Basic Zen here. What broom/moon is that you are (not) holding? Who cares? Shut up! Be silent Velcro and maybe you will find some Zen there.

    And just when I get all caught up in the hilarious Zen of Ungan and Dogo come Gensha and Ummon, who do their own version of Laurel and Hardy on me by letting me know that I am getting blinded by dust, says Gensha (Laurel). “What’s all this chattering about?” says Ummon (Hardy). And the point of all this disturbing chatter is to help us see through the dust of our lives as we, at the same time, sweep it all away.

    Like all great comedians (Ungan and Dogo, Gensha and Ummon, Laurel and Hardy, Abbot and Costello), they are like children making noise to disturb us into directly seeing if how hard we are (not) at it.

    “What you did as a youngster, now aren't you ashamed?” Hah, nowhere in Zen to begin on that one!

    OK, now I’ll read Jundo’s take and respond to that accordingly.
    AL (Jigen) in:
    Faith/Trust
    Courage/Love
    Awareness/Action!

    I sat today

    Comment

    • Omoi Otoshi
      Member
      • Dec 2010
      • 801

      #17
      Thank you Alan,

      Gassho,
      Pontus
      In a spring outside time, flowers bloom on a withered tree;
      you ride a jade elephant backwards, chasing the winged dragon-deer;
      now as you hide far beyond innumerable peaks--
      the white moon, a cool breeze, the dawn of a fortunate day

      Comment

      • Jundo
        Treeleaf Founder and Priest
        • Apr 2006
        • 41196

        #18
        Nice, Al.
        ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

        Comment

        • AlanLa
          Member
          • Mar 2008
          • 1405

          #19
          I wrote that quite spur of the moment, and when I read it today I just cringe at all the mistakes in it. I want to go back and edit it, but if I did I would be "hard at it," wouldn't I? Just admitting this is a form of being "hard at it," I suppose. Letting it go as is now...
          AL (Jigen) in:
          Faith/Trust
          Courage/Love
          Awareness/Action!

          I sat today

          Comment

          • Omoi Otoshi
            Member
            • Dec 2010
            • 801

            #20
            The spur of the moment shines through!
            Edit to remove the "mistakes" and you risk killing the aliveness, the spontaneity and the honesty.

            Gassho,
            Pontus
            In a spring outside time, flowers bloom on a withered tree;
            you ride a jade elephant backwards, chasing the winged dragon-deer;
            now as you hide far beyond innumerable peaks--
            the white moon, a cool breeze, the dawn of a fortunate day

            Comment

            • Risho
              Member
              • May 2010
              • 3178

              #21
              One key area where I struggle and perceive a fault is that I swing between two extreme opinions of myself: useful and useless. Practice has allowed me to recognize that both are not quite true, while still allowing me to do my best and be as useful as possible.. work as hard as necessary, etc.

              When I'm busy at work, I feel very useful and important and pumped up. When it's not as busy, I get a little neurotic like "oh no, nothing to do, am I useless? Will I be let go?" Part of this is absolutely the corporate culture's influence. But this practice has helped me shine a light on that crap (for lack of a better term ). At the same time, it's empowering to see this as it is because it allows me to actually get to work and not worry so much.. but admittedly the worry does creep in.

              Gassho,

              Risho
              Email: risho.treeleaf@gmail.com

              Comment

              • Kaishin
                Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 2322

                #22
                I have a difficulty I've been dealing with since I was a young child. I work on it every day, in some way. It is a constant challenge. Although I like to think I am broken and can somehow one day be fixed, I know I will still be working on it when I draw my last breath. But there's nothing broken, it's all right here, all the pieces, and the struggles are just another facet. This is anything like what I was trying to say.
                Gassho, Kaishin / Matt
                Thanks,
                Kaishin (開心, Open Heart)
                Please take this layman's words with a grain of salt.

                Comment

                • Omoi Otoshi
                  Member
                  • Dec 2010
                  • 801

                  #23
                  Originally posted by Jundo
                  Question: Discuss a fault or failing in your personal life or in this world, and how you might work to make it better ... but how there is no fault to make better, and no effort ... and how that fact of "no fault and no fixing and no effort" is found right in fixing the fault and the hard effort.

                  Gassho, Jundo
                  Something I sometimes imagine I fail at is practice. I feel I need to sit more on G+, attend more Zazenkais, sit more regularly, read those Zen books and sutras that are collecting dust in the book shelf, take Jukai, get involved in some socially engaged project. As a Zen student, in this respect, you could say I am a failure. But I have come to accept that. There is a difference between being lazy and only chasing after one's desires (I do that sometimes too! ), and taking practice seriously, but having to adapt to circumstances. I am working at making this fault better. I'm trying to say no to more and more responsibilities, aiming for a simpler life, without so much need for puzzling all the time to make things work. But never out of feeling guilt. I don't ever want practice to be a chore, something I must force myself to do, another stressor. I want to practice because it's my heart's innermost desire. I'm hard at it, trying to make room for practice, but practice itself must be effortless, freedom from being hard at it. Practice is perfect from the beginning and in no need of fixing. Life needs to be fixed constantly, or rather, life's circumstances need to be constantly adapted to. All of life can be practice, all of life can be effortless, but it doesn't always seem that way.

                  So many faults, so many failings... What is there to fail at really? And how do you define what is a fault? I can't be successful in life, only dead or alive. I can't be a good human being, just a human doing the best I can, right here, right now. Success feels great, but it's an illusion. Sooner or later I will realize that all the achievements I have worked so hard for are empty. I may feel I have come far, but in reality, I didn't get anywhere at all. Money, two cars and a house didn't give me more security, just more worries and more stress. When I look back I see that just enough to put food on the table and save a little for special occasions and unexpected expenses was enough. The high status job and long education that many people only dream of achieving didn't turn out to be the free ticket to a happy life I thought it would be.

                  I may feel that I messed it all up. That I am one big failure. But that's an illusion too. I may feel I have let my family down in some way, failed at something I set out to do, lost everything financially or hurt someone I love. But I can never be a failure. Only dead or alive. As long as I'm alive, I'm as successful at life as I could ever be. No matter how far I think I have fallen, I didn't fall anywhere at all, can never fall anywhere at all. I am always right here, right now. Always fresh and new. Always Buddha. In the future, all possibilities are open. The past is in the past, not real. It doesn't exist and holds no power over me, unless I let it. I try to see the real culprit behind my past hurtful actions, greed, hate and delusion. When possible, I do what I can to put things right. Learn my lessons. Then accept and forgive my past self, and set a new course for the future. Life is always starting from scratch.

                  Gassho,
                  Pontus
                  Last edited by Omoi Otoshi; 12-18-2012, 10:06 PM.
                  In a spring outside time, flowers bloom on a withered tree;
                  you ride a jade elephant backwards, chasing the winged dragon-deer;
                  now as you hide far beyond innumerable peaks--
                  the white moon, a cool breeze, the dawn of a fortunate day

                  Comment

                  • Risho
                    Member
                    • May 2010
                    • 3178

                    #24
                    Thanks Pontus!

                    Gassho,

                    Risho
                    Email: risho.treeleaf@gmail.com

                    Comment

                    • Jundo
                      Treeleaf Founder and Priest
                      • Apr 2006
                      • 41196

                      #25
                      Originally posted by Omoi Otoshi
                      Something I sometimes imagine I fail at is practice. I feel I need to sit more on G+, attend more Zazenkais, sit more regularly, read those Zen books and sutras that are collecting dust in the book shelf, take Jukai, get involved in some socially engaged project. As a Zen student, in this respect, you could say I am a failure. But I have come to accept that. There is a difference between being lazy and only chasing after one's desires (I do that sometimes too! ), and taking practice seriously, but having to adapt to circumstances. I am working at making this fault better. I'm trying to say no to more and more responsibilities, aiming for a simpler life, without so much need for puzzling all the time to make things work. But never out of feeling guilt. I don't ever want practice to be a chore, something I must force myself to do, another stressor.
                      Sometimes Practice has to be a chore and a pain ... so that we can truly ask "where is the sensation of friction, burden, aversion to doing coming from?" (Short answer: Ultimately, from between one's own two ears. One can turn the activity resisted into a Practice of "no resistance"). Master Dogen emphasized a total practice for his monks, from waking up to cooking to eating to going to the bathroom to going to bed. Being on the cushion sitting was only one aspect of it (although when sitting, there is nothing else in need of doing in the whole universe). We learn, in undertaking many many of the things "I don't want to do" that we can drop both the "don't want" and thus the "I", leaving only the "doing".

                      So, ask yourself seriously the difference between (1) can't find the time to do because life simply won't allow the time, and (2) just don't want to do because I prefer to be doing something else with the time. If someone is a doctor in a hospital such as you saving lives, or a parent who must tend to and play with the kids ... that is Practice, as much as anything a monk could undertake in a monastery. However, if someone would just rather not join a Zazenkai because they prefer to go bowling, or do not engage in a charitable activity because they prefer to watch reruns on TV ... that is not the same.

                      Ultimately, this is a Practice of "no failure, and no place to fail". However, one can still fail to do things that one needs to do.

                      Gassho, Jundo
                      Last edited by Jundo; 12-19-2012, 02:34 AM.
                      ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

                      Comment

                      • Ed
                        Member
                        • Nov 2012
                        • 223

                        #26
                        "Mind weeds" Suzuki roshi called these hesitations.
                        I made a choice to walk this path. Now I go deeper into the teachings. It is difficult at times.
                        I take active refuge in the Sangha. Sangha is based on Buddha and Dharma. It's in the Sangha where we grow in wisdom and compassion.
                        Gassho, Jundo.
                        Last edited by Ed; 12-19-2012, 02:27 PM.
                        "Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
                        Dogen zenji in Bendowa





                        Comment

                        • Omoi Otoshi
                          Member
                          • Dec 2010
                          • 801

                          #27
                          Originally posted by Jundo
                          Sometimes Practice has to be a chore and a pain ... so that we can truly ask "where is the sensation of friction, burden, aversion to doing coming from?" (Short answer: Ultimately, from between one's own two ears. One can turn the activity resisted into a Practice of "no resistance"). Master Dogen emphasized a total practice for his monks, from waking up to cooking to eating to going to the bathroom to going to bed. Being on the cushion sitting was only one aspect of it (although when sitting, there is nothing else in need of doing in the whole universe). We learn, in undertaking many many of the things "I don't want to do" that we can drop both the "don't want" and thus the "I", leaving only the "doing".
                          Thanks Jundo,
                          That was very helpful.

                          When I wrote about not wanting practice to be a chore, that was a bit of a freudian slip! The ego never likes chores. It wants to be free to satisfy its goals and desires. But you can't be a fair weather buddhist only. Some days I don't feel like practicing. I may be too tired, have a head ache or any other excuse. Going to the cushion may feel like a chore. These times I try to just do it. Don't think, just walk over to the cushion and sit down. Like diving into cold water. I like swimming, but I often hesitate to jump in, because I know it will feel cold at first. When my butt is already on the cushion, the rest is often easy. Same with making it a daily routine, just like brushing your teeth, sitting is something you do. It has nothing to do with whether you like it or not. But some days, at least for me, this doesn't work. This is when I try to take a good look at what's going on inside my head. I know that normally, sitting is natural, so why isn't it today? If I can identify the reason, I can be hard at changing the conditions and circumstances, so that Zazen mind may arrive again. Sometimes I say to myself, "OK, you don't want to practice, let's sit with that, let's watch that mind play, it might be interesting!" And the ego often agrees, because it does think watching itself is much less useless that just sitting there! Once on the cushion, Zazen usually takes over. This is where I think sticking to form is important. Once through the ritual of entering the position, the body-mind knows the drill and the ego is forgotten. Sometimes this doesn't work either. The ego is determined that sitting is useless and that there are so many important things to do. So I do one of these "important things" instead, all the while mindful of what's going on inside. That's a kind of practice too. And sometimes I just go to bed, because I'm exhausted and need to sleep! What I don't want to do is to turn practice into a battle against the ego, because that will only cement the ego in place in my experience. With a lot of will power I guess I could force myself to the cushion most days. I know I have the will power to silence my thoughts if I wanted to. But it would be a practice of ascetism instead of letting go. Building a burden instead of putting all burdens down. Creating two moons. There is a middle way here. And I guess we all have to find it for ourselves.

                          Originally posted by Jundo
                          So, ask yourself seriously the difference between (1) can't find the time to do because life simply won't allow the time, and (2) just don't want to do because I prefer to be doing something else with the time. If someone is a doctor in a hospital such as you saving lives, or a parent who must tend to and play with the kids ... that is Practice, as much as anything a monk could undertake in a monastery. However, if someone would just rather not join a Zazenkai because they prefer to go bowling, or do not engage in a charitable activity because they prefer to watch reruns on TV ... that is not the same.
                          Yes, I agree completely. That was what I was trying to express in much clumsier words!

                          Gassho,
                          /Pontus
                          Last edited by Omoi Otoshi; 12-19-2012, 12:15 PM.
                          In a spring outside time, flowers bloom on a withered tree;
                          you ride a jade elephant backwards, chasing the winged dragon-deer;
                          now as you hide far beyond innumerable peaks--
                          the white moon, a cool breeze, the dawn of a fortunate day

                          Comment

                          • Myoku
                            Member
                            • Jul 2010
                            • 1491

                            #28
                            uhm.... I think I'm with Ummon in this case.
                            _()_
                            Myoku

                            Comment

                            • santosh
                              Member
                              • Nov 2012
                              • 54

                              #29
                              I was hard at the thought - how do I join in on a thread that is now 21 chapters through?

                              Now that I've added my comment here I am in the thread as well as joined in late.

                              Gassho,
                              Santosh.

                              Comment

                              • Jundo
                                Treeleaf Founder and Priest
                                • Apr 2006
                                • 41196

                                #30
                                Originally posted by santosh
                                I was hard at the thought - how do I join in on a thread that is now 21 chapters through?

                                Now that I've added my comment here I am in the thread as well as joined in late.

                                Gassho,
                                Santosh.
                                Well, here you are.

                                Gassho, Jundo
                                ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

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