BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

[Koshin]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Oh yes, the incessant chatter inside my mind is something I live with everyday ... little by little, through Zazen, I try to silence those voices that judge, that comment, that like or dislike, and generally interfere with the perception of things in this moment, as they are ... That does not mean I try to stop thinking, but I try hear a little bit more, to leave the reality talk with her voice without words, so that I can experience it more clearly, allowing, not fighting. It is not an easy thing to do, as a newbie, but anyway, I keep on trying.

As Dosho says, I am not my thoughts, and that's something I have/had a hard time understanding (or non-understanding), since I'm one of those people in love with my own perception of myself, my own ego. Realizing the accidental nature of my own self, of my own existence is/was something hard to do, but at the same time it's soothing. In those rare moments of silence inside my head, these little sparks of reality, of understanding, come by themselves. I don't know what those little sparks really mean, I just smile

Gassho

[RichardH]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

what kills the watcher
is the beauty
of it all


gassho


T.

I feel ready to accept this..

It is different than the disciplinarian style of Zazen I was taught, and am accustomed to. Through the strict keeping of form.. "wanting this moment to be other than it is" .. hits the wall.. and is gathered into a single ball with the whole body and mind.. until it is total, and gives way. It is not gentle... and maybe it is no way to really kill the watcher... maybe it just traumatizes him into hiding.


Gassho. and thank you. Kojip.

[Taigu]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Hi Kojip,

This is also my background, this rigid militaristic style...and then, stuck, utterly stuck, in pain and stiff to the very core I had no other choice than to find my teacher who pointed to the non-moon.

Non-doing.

Non doing.

Waking up to the fact that I am over-doing.

Awakening cannot be the fruit of a personal effort, it is a gift unveiled by the ten thousand dharmas coming forth and enlightening the self (the beauty of it all)

Let's all read Genjokoan again and again


let's all give flesh and blood to it

Let's allow it to be our very flesh and bones


gassho


T.

[alan.r]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Jundo, what a wonderful teaching. Thank you so much.

Gassho,
Alan

[Risho]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Can you describe a problem or incident in your life, now or in the past ... a situation that is/was very hard ... that your head was filled with thoughts and emotions about, and that you resisted or hated very much ... but would have/did/might experience very differently by just being "without words", just allowing and not fighting?

Yes, I can think of a few situations like that...EVERY DAY! The practice of shikantaza has allowed me to directly engage this "without words" approach and it has had amazing results in my life, but by trying to do absolutely nothing but sit. It was very hard for awhile and still is some days...to let thoughts drift in and out without trying to engage them, fix them, or find the perfect solution. But I encounter this type of thinking all the time and in certain situations it is very hard to deal with, especially during recent struggles with depression. My mind tries to figure out how to fix the depression rather than to just be with it...but does that mean I don't go to a doctor and (in my case) take medications to help? Of course not! I did go and do take meds to help. To try to fix them is wrong thinking...to suffer and not seek medical assistance is also the wrong view (for me....others may differ)...all while sitting and trying to achieve nothing. The thoughts, yes they are overwhelming, but I do not have to engage them and they are not "me". The silence is truly golden, but I don't mean the thoughts go away...they often don't...I mean the silence of not responding to them as I practice shikantaza. Nothingness...wholeness...all at once.

Gassho,
Dosho

Wow man, thank you for sharing something so personal. Just going to a doctor to treat depression is an incredible step. My father is bi-polar, and to get him to take his medication at first was incredibly challenging. I went through a bout of severe depression, and I'm lucky to be here, a couple of months after finding out my dad had his condition. What's funny is that I never knew my real dad until after he got better through treatment, and now we are closer than ever, so I'm so thankful for his depression and mine because it showed me what was truly important.

Your sharing got me to thinking about how I post here. I think when I post stuff, I don't necessarily post superficially, but my posts can be "clean". Who am I? I constantly try to share more and more of myself with everyone here. I have barriers that I face that slows down my process of opening up, so thank you for that lesson.

Also, your point of your thoughts not being you is awesome because it is a slam to the pop-culture self-help nonsense (and I love shining the light on bs). lol In a way, we are our thoughts, but believing that we are not our thoughts is also a thought, and it opens up a whole new way of experiencing things. We filter everything through our mind, but this practice is indeed awesome to slowly observe that filter more and more.

Gassho,

Risho

[Tb]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Can you describe a problem or incident in your life, now or in the past ... a situation that is/was very hard ... that your head was filled with thoughts and emotions about, and that you resisted or hated very much ... but would have/did/might experience very differently by just being "without words", just allowing and not fighting?

Yes, I can think of a few situations like that...EVERY DAY! The practice of shikantaza has allowed me to directly engage this "without words" approach and it has had amazing results in my life, but by trying to do absolutely nothing but sit. It was very hard for awhile and still is some days...to let thoughts drift in and out without trying to engage them, fix them, or find the perfect solution. But I encounter this type of thinking all the time and in certain situations it is very hard to deal with, especially during recent struggles with depression. My mind tries to figure out how to fix the depression rather than to just be with it...but does that mean I don't go to a doctor and (in my case) take medications to help? Of course not! I did go and do take meds to help. To try to fix them is wrong thinking...to suffer and not seek medical assistance is also the wrong view (for me....others may differ)...all while sitting and trying to achieve nothing. The thoughts, yes they are overwhelming, but I do not have to engage them and they are not "me". The silence is truly golden, but I don't mean the thoughts go away...they often don't...I mean the silence of not responding to them as I practice shikantaza. Nothingness...wholeness...all at once.

Gassho,
Dosho

Hi.

Yes, so true.
I would also like to add that even though it is never easy, i feel, in my humble experience, it gets easier and easier, like finding you way on a road often traveled.

Mtfbwy
Fugen

[Shogen]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

what kills the watcher
is the beauty
of it all


gassho


T.

Does beauty die with the watcher?
gassho shogen

[BrianW]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Sorry to be a bit late to the party on this one...

At the core of the experiment, I would like to ask each member joining in this book club to post something each week ... some message ... just to signal to the others that we are all together. However, in posting your message ... you do not necessarily need to say anything (even a blank space as your posting is fine if that is what is sincerely felt), or a photograph, a poem, a song lyric, a cartoon, a story.

With Jundo's instructions in mind I thought of the following excerpt from a blog post I made some time ago:

But…hagiographies (i.e.,idealized stories) can also be a burden. When objective facts hit us in the face it can be devastating and our idealism unravels. Sometimes we are saved by “THAT” broken piece of reality and it becomes oddly comforting. Our “What was THAT all about?” becomes recognizable as simply “THAT.

Anyone interested may view the entire post here..... (the images in the post probably more "on target" than the words....click on for larger view.)

http://a-west-end-view.blogspot.com/2011/07/tellin-stories.html

Gassho,
Jisen/BrianW

[Brian Roessler]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

[Myoshin]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

beautiful picture lol
Even a car is a phenomena, Dharma everywhere

[Koshin]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Good picture

[Ola Nelsson]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Im reading.. But without Jundos leading question i wouldn't understand it.. I came to think of my mothers death and all the feelings I had when it happened. Rage, sadness and bitterness but acceptance..? I have a long way to go..

Gassho
/Ola

[Rich]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

Im reading.. But without Jundos leading question i wouldn't understand it.. I came to think of my mothers death and all the feelings I had when it happened. Rage, sadness and bitterness but acceptance..? I have a long way to go..

Gassho
/Ola

Sorry about your moms death. We all have a long way to go and it takes time.

[Jigetsu]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

When my youngest child was still a toddler, she fought a bout with MRSA for just over a year. Every time we'd take her to the ER, every time we'd get a positive diagnosis, I would panic. I would be angry, sad, both praying to any god that would hear me and cursing them at the same time for making her go through this.

A different medicine every time, checking for new sores every day, convincing myself that if I didn't keep constant vigil she would die.

The truth of the matter, is that had I stayed silent, smiling, letting the doctors do what they do, the outcome would have been exactly the same. Instead, I raged on the inside, and on the outside. In the end, it is as it was, as it was always going to be.

[wamoroney]

Re: BOOK OF EQUANIMITY - Case 1

I felt his father weep
as the darma king
walked through me