Grass Hut - 17 - "Life and Death"

[Shokai]

Wow, he likes good, must be an older picture, right John

Gassho

#Sat 2 day

[Meishin]

I can always count on you, Jishin. You must be a therapist of some sort.

No Shokai, it's a recent picture. But I do photography so I know how to hide the problems.

Gassho
Meishin
sat today

[Risho]

Life is very fragile and even with our best effort death can appear. Enjoy this day.

SAT today

Thank you for that!

I get hung up on change but practice helps me step back, breathe and just allow it more to just be. Its also helped me appreciate and have more respect for my elders. Im 39 so im not a kid but Ive found that zen has helped me feel lucky the longer im around and to be around older and wiser folks.

This culture is afraid of aging and change because it fears death but I think that is a mistake. I think older members of our culture are invaluable and should never be marginalized or left to "rot" in elder care facilities. I think the wisdom of experience is a gift (because it comes with age and cant be rushed) and by embracing change I think we experience a freedom by being curious about what will come in life rather than living in a prison of regret because we miss the days of our bygone youth.

I think all phases and stages of life are precious; zen has helped me realize that.

I really like what Rich said; its a good reminder to live each day with light heart and to really live fully; not by grasping after the next big thing but really loving who we are with right now, appreciating all the friends and family and everything else we have because if what ive started to realize as i age is indicative: it all goes by so fast and its too special to miss.

Gassho

Risho
-sattoday

[Talib]

Actually learn to deal very well with change in the military.
Also learned almost nothing is as simple as it appears.
However when times become overwelming to breathe even if just walking and breathing. Has helped tremendously.
Gassho
Sattoday

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[AlanLa]

Hello! Long time no poster here, but I have finally caught back up! I got behind a while back, and then various life and death things happened that pushed me further behind, but things have settled down now and I have been racing (at a zen-like pace) to catch up. As I have been catching up I have been reading all the chapters/sections and all the related postings very carefully, and I would love to post all sorts of comments on just about everything, as it has been nice to read and contemplate along the way, but life goes on, and so does the book, so I will respect the process and get on to the life and death topic.

Has my practice helped me deal with the change and impermanence of such things as death? Yes. I have had more people that I cared about die than I can count, and that is no exaggeration. Most of them were people with disabilities that died before what we might consider "their time." But it was their time to die, because they did, and I never handled it well. I would get sad, then drunk, then angry, and then confused about it all. Eventually, my angst would pass until the next bad news of death would come and the process would repeat itself; actually, my self just repeated the process. As I began to run out of these dear friends I picked up Zen practice and philosophy and Treeleaf, etc., and all that accumulated pain began to ease. Late last year, one of the dearest people I've ever known died somewhat suddenly, another person with a disability that was truly like a brother to me. As all those others were dying, I knew his day would also surely come, and I dreaded how I would handle it. My fear was that I would have a very deep depression and a really long, bad binge. But after years of practice, and preparation, it wasn't that bad, certainly nowhere near the depths I'd fathomed beforehand. By comparison, I handled my "brother" Icaba's death better than any of the others that preceded him, but that still doesn't mean I handled it all that well.

In contrast, my dad died May 1st. He was 82 and miserable, and he was making my mom and brother miserable with his misery. If there is such a thing as a good death as a release from suffering, then he had it. And it released my mom and brother, too. His death was expected; it was his time. There were no tears, no sadness, excess drinking, anger, or confusion. He just passed on in his sleep, and we all carried on the process of celebrating his life before carrying on living our own. In the two months since his passing I hear his voice in my head all the time, so he very much lives on in that way. Connelly's discussion of Suzuki Roshi visiting his teacher Tim reminded me very much of this. and I am sure others here can tell similar stories about past relatives, friends, or teachers. In this way he may be gone, but he's never far away, and I find it very comforting. And all those other dear people I have lost are also near because I carry their precious memories.

I've always struggled with the deep Zen perspective of you can't die because you were never born; it's all transience. At a very high intellectual level I can see the logic, but as a practical issue it's always just seemed like just empty intellectualizing. Then recently I was reading Gary Snyder's Nobody Home (good stuff in this book I need to post to the regular forum some day), and his ecological poetical imagery popped into my head as I was reading this idea of no death/birth again at the end of the chapter. To horribly paraphrase, and probably get it wrong, we are all just passengers on this bus called earth, people get on and people get off, but the wheels on the bus go round and round. In other words, it's not about us; it's about the bus, and the solar system, and the universe, etc. Our egos makes us think we are each a big deal, but we are merely replaceable cells in the body that is earth as it takes its route through the cosmos community.

My ego has wasted enough of your time in my return. Carry on...

Oh wait, Jundo's question had a second part. Has my practice helped me deal with the change and impermanence of life? Yeah, that too

[Jundo]

Hi Alan,

My best friend in life died last month from cancer, same age as me. I am sad.

He is gone. Yet, he remains right here there and everywhere, wherever I set my eyes and in my heart too.

There is not a household untouched by death. My first teacher, Azuma Roshi of Sojiji, once was teary eyed when his wife had recently died. I (foolish newby Zen guy that I was) asked him how a Zen teacher can be sad about death.

I believe that it is "all okay to be sad", but also don't forget the "all okay" part in favor of the "sad" alone.

Gassho, J

SatToday

[AlanLa]

Life and death come in many forms, as does our reaction to them. Sometimes maybe we make too many distinctions and get all caught up in our own dukka net, but that's why we practice.

I am sorry for your (and everyone's) loss

[Talib]

This life lesson I learned early in life. My parents and grandparent were all dead by the time I was twenty. My mother by the time I was 16. ZaZen and Buddhism in general has really made it so much easier to accept. Before I always wondered why. As I have learned that nothing last forever and everyone has a path. Not only the losing of my family but really anything, has become so much easier to deal with. When I hear of a friend who was killed in action or wounded. rather be upset I understand that it is the way of life and nothing can or will change that. To dwell on it does no good and benefits no one.

SatToday