Sit-A-LONG with JUNDO: CHANGING HEART, CHANGING TIRES

[MyoHo]

Dear Jundo, after sitting with what you said in this post I have a question:

Although keeping an eye on our inner self and reaching for that switch is very good practice, two things come to mind that seem at odds with this method of dealing with reality. How can we tell the difference between a healthy change of heart and denial of issues that should be recognised and maybe even dealt with? Reaching for the switch instead of saying sorry to someone, thinking oh well, impermanence you know.....switch. An unhealthy and messy home inviroment for kids where we should roll up the sleeves and get cleaning up but everytime we notice and feel bad......switch. These examples are a bit lame but you see my point.

Also embrasing and fully live/ sit through something, looking the tiger in the eye and learn from it, also seems a part of our practice.Seeing and accepting reality for what it really is. Cant switch everytime in life if we want to grow and learn.

How to avoid that the good practice of the change of heart switch becomes a eyes closed/brain off switch?

I hope I formulated my question clearly enough? Its a subtle distinction.

Gassho

MyoHo

Sat

[Tenrai]

Hey
Thank you for this and lovely to see your beautiful daughter

My button was pressed by my step son who still lives at home. Came in from work, had had a stressy complex day to find house a mess, washing up not done, step son still in bed ( he's 22) .....napping. Have to confess I could feel that anger switch flipped. Was just about to let my pin drop out and yell at him when I thought no! ....the switch!.....I paused, and thought hang on. Why has he not got up, maybe its more complicated, maybe he's not well.....maybe he is lazy?.....but do I want to go to war over dirty dishes and hoovering?????...... my relationship with my step son is already complicated.

I used the switch..... decided I would discuss this with him later, when I was not angry. Anger is never a useful emotion......switched.......thought am I being too soft, maybe he deserves some kind of yelling at? Maybe Im a rubbish parent????.......switch again...breath. .....breath.

To me this exercise is exactly what my practice has brought, is bringing to my life


Thank you Jundo for a lovely video, and great homework

Gassho
Richard
SatToday/LAH

[Jundo]

Dear Jundo, after sitting with what you said in this post I have a question:

Although keeping an eye on our inner self and reaching for that switch is very good practice, two things come to mind that seem at odds with this method of dealing with reality. How can we tell the difference between a healthy change of heart and denial of issues that should be recognised and maybe even dealt with? Reaching for the switch instead of saying sorry to someone, thinking oh well, impermanence you know.....switch. An unhealthy and messy home inviroment for kids where we should roll up the sleeves and get cleaning up but everytime we notice and feel bad......switch. These examples are a bit lame but you see my point.

Also embrasing and fully live/ sit through something, looking the tiger in the eye and learn from it, also seems a part of our practice.Seeing and accepting reality for what it really is. Cant switch everytime in life if we want to grow and learn.

How to avoid that the good practice of the change of heart switch becomes a eyes closed/brain off switch?

I hope I formulated my question clearly enough? Its a subtle distinction.

Gassho

MyoHo

Sat

Hi Myoho,

We still have to change the flat tires, not bypass them or pretend that they do not exist. One cannot just pretend that a peaceful, accepting attitude will make the problem go away. Some problems may evaporate if we simply relax our heart (e.g., if I am obsessed with the possibility of being hit on the head with a meteor beyond all sense given the unlikelihood of that happening, then relaxing the heart makes the problem disappear. Of course, there may be underlying psychological issues in my personality that make me worry about unlikely things, and perhaps I need to look at those issues and not ignore them. However, the immediate problem itself evaporates. There is no such meteor). If I am obsessed with a possible cancer, I may wish to relax the heart ... yet still quit smoking and watch my diet. If I am upset with serious injustices in society, global warming, or simply my son't not doing his homework ... I may wish to relax the heart, yet keep on working hard to resolve the problem.

It is just common sense, I feel, to figure out which problems or other situations we can ignore and which we need to face.

I sometimes say that Zen Practice allows us to experience life on two levels at once. For example, I sometimes speak of "acceptance without acceptance." One part of us radically accepts a situation, but simultaneously another part does not and continues working for change. It is as if we see the world one way out of the left eye (accepting) and other way out of the right eye (not accepting), and both eyes open at once provide the clarity of Buddha Eye. We can experience both emotions at once, as one, each perfuming the other.

I have a friend who is a medical worker in a very stressful and frustrating environment where he is helping many people, but it is often very disappointing and aggravating. He could easily burn out. Yet the combination of "acceptance without acceptance" lets him keep on doing what needs to be done to fight the good fight, while on the other channel, just going with the flow ... all at once.

Gassho, J

SatTodayLAH

[Meishin]

Hi Myoho,

We still have to change the flat tires, not bypass them or pretend that they do not exist. One cannot just pretend that a peaceful, accepting attitude will make the problem go away. Some problems may evaporate if we simply relax our heart (e.g., if I am obsessed with the possibility of being hit on the head with a meteor beyond all sense given the unlikelihood of that happening, then relaxing the heart makes the problem disappear. Of course, there may be underlying psychological issues in my personality that make me worry about unlikely things, and perhaps I need to look at those issues and not ignore them. However, the immediate problem itself evaporates. There is no such meteor). If I am obsessed with a possible cancer, I may wish to relax the heart ... yet still quit smoking and watch my diet. If I am upset with serious injustices in society, global warming, or simply my son't not doing his homework ... I may wish to relax the heart, yet keep on working hard to resolve the problem.

It is just common sense, I feel, to figure out which problems or other situations we can ignore and which we need to face.

I sometimes say that Zen Practice allows us to experience life on two levels at once. For example, I sometimes speak of "acceptance without acceptance." One part of us radically accepts a situation, but simultaneously another part does not and continues working for change. It is as if we see the world one way out of the left eye (accepting) and other way out of the right eye (not accepting), and both eyes open at once provide the clarity of Buddha Eye. We can experience both emotions at once, as one, each perfuming the other.

I have a friend who is a medical worker in a very stressful and frustrating environment where he is helping many people, but it is often very disappointing and aggravating. He could easily burn out. Yet the combination of "acceptance without acceptance" lets him keep on doing what needs to be done to fight the good fight, while on the other channel, just going with the flow ... all at once.

Gassho, J

SatTodayLAH

Hi,

So without revealing information that does not belong on a forum that is more or less public, here's one way this talk by Jundo helped me. A person close to me did something incredibly stupid and insensitive. It hurt a lot. Feelings of sadness then rage followed. But I thought of what Jundo had said. And without much ado I separated what was done from my reaction. The action on their part was their action. But my reaction was my reaction. Two things. Clearly I had to act in response, and I did. I let it be known that the action had been painful and infuriating, and I said what I would do as a consequence. It wasn't a dramatic and relationship-ending consequence. But it was meaningful. And the message was received; apologies were offered and accepted. And my feelings changed in a very short time from being chaotic and painful to an amazing calm. Something happened, I tended to it, and then let it go. Life went on and there was no leftover pouting. That's all.

Gassho
Meishin
Sat today LAH

[Onkai]

Thank you, Jundo, and everyone in this conversation.

Gassho,
Onkai
SatToday/LAH

[Tairin]

Wonderful lesson. Thank you.

Although I try to not analyze what I get out of this practice, if pressed I'd offer something close to what you presented here.

It isn't about "going with the flow" or "accepting that's the way things are". More like "this is the universe universe-ing and it isn't about me at all". Once I realize that it isn't all about me then I realize that it is just the universe universe-ing I find I am better able to handle the situation with equanimity.

Gassho
Warren
Sat today

[Jundo]

It isn't about "going with the flow" or "accepting that's the way things are". More like "this is the universe universe-ing and it isn't about me at all". Once I realize that it isn't all about me then I realize that it is just the universe universe-ing I find I am better able to handle the situation with equanimity.

Gassho
Warren
Sat today

That rings my bell!

Gassho, J

SatTodayLAH

[Shoki]

Judno,
The thing for me sometimes is, I'm in a bad situation with others and I flip that switch and the others want to stay angry and upset. I've actually had people get angry at me for not being angry. I don't want to get all preachy with them. So just let them go? Talk them down?

Gassho / LAH
Sat Today
James

[Jundo]

Judno,
The thing for me sometimes is, I'm in a bad situation with others and I flip that switch and the others want to stay angry and upset. I've actually had people get angry at me for not being angry. I don't want to get all preachy with them. So just let them go? Talk them down?

Gassho / LAH
Sat Today
James

I would say to just let them be, let them be "angry at you for not being angry." Talk if it will help.

(Be warned that I just watched the new Star Trek, so may be confusing my own advice with what a Vulcan might do in the face of Klingons).

Gassho, J

SatTodayLAH

[Shoki]

Thank you. People mistake me for a Klingon all the time.

Gassho, / LAH
Say2Day
James

[Kyonin]

How to avoid that the good practice of the change of heart switch becomes a eyes closed/brain off switch?t

Hi Myoho,

I can't speak for our teacher but I can tell you about my on going experience with the recent earthquake in Mexico. There have been a lot of different reactions from people. They range from the super angry and defensive to the resigned and nihilist. In all cases suffering is just too much to bear especially for those who lost their home or loved ones.

And then there are the ones that cried (and still cry), that are in pain, those who lost everything... but wiped the tears and put on the hard helmet to begin working on helping survivors and help others.

To accept life as it is, it's a great challenge. But there's is peace and calmness when you do what you need to do and learn from all situations in life.

Gassho,

Kyonin
Sat/LAH

[Jundo]

Hi Myoho,

I can't speak for our teacher but I can tell you about my on going experience with the recent earthquake in Mexico. There have been a lot of different reactions from people. They range from the super angry and defensive to the resigned and nihilist. In all cases suffering is just too much to bear especially for those who lost their home or loved ones.

And then there are the ones that cried (and still cry), that are in pain, those who lost everything... but wiped the tears and put on the hard helmet to begin working on helping survivors and help others.

To accept life as it is, it's a great challenge. But there's is peace and calmness when you do what you need to do and learn from all situations in life.

Gassho,

Kyonin
Sat/LAH

[taiyaki]

Now available as a podcast episode: https://treeleaf.podbean.com/e/septe...hanging-tires/

Q: What do you call it if you get a flat tire, fix it, and then after using it for ten more years -- it goes flat again?
A: CARma.



Gassho,
Sekishi #sat

this is a winner!


thank you for this lesson, Jundo.
been working on this ever since i started zazen...
im getting better each day.

gassho, ryk

sattodaylah

[MyoHo]

It is clear I did not make my point. The amazing abilities we humans have in the face of overwhelming odds or facing disasters and adversity are clear. I speak of something else. Never mind.

Thank you Kyonin, my thoughts are with you and all who are making an inspiring effort after the disaster. Sometimes even a single man picking up a shovel to start cleaning up, can set and entire nation back to work.

Gassho

Myoho

[ChrisMa]

Thank you, I think this is very important.

Something I was told a while ago that might be useful: If there are reoccurring thoughts that cause a lot of stress/anxiety/anger, think these thoughts as vividly as possible instead of letting them come up randomly. Really bring these feelings to the surface. Then sit with these feelings, not adding any mental commentary, not trying to reduce their intensity. Just sit with them. Sit with full acceptance, sit without the goal of overcoming these feelings or 'working through' them. Just sit with no expectations, no place to go outside of this moment.

Sitting this way, we see that the feeling isn't solid or stable. It is made of innumerable tiny, transient, vibratory sensations that are passing away in every moment. We don't try to see it this way. We just watch it. We see it for what it is.

I wouldn't recommend this as a very regular practice. Zazen, without intention, sitting with what is irrespective of what bothers or preoccupies us, is enough. Nothing needs to be added or taken away. Even so, this little addition might be useful for facing certain things that bother us. Just looking at something, gently but without flinching or averting pur gaze, can be enough to break it apart.

As long as it shows us that everything that arises is just what is, in this moment.

Let me know what you think.

Gassho,

SatToday,

Chris