Hi folks,
I just wanted to share a few thoughts about how my zazen practice evolved over time. I will be using the "ocean and waves" metaphor; while I understand that it's not perfect, I don't have a better way to put the experience into words at the moment.
Calm Ocean
When I started practicing zazen regularly 2 years ago, I thought about zazen in terms of "sit long enough and the waves will subside". I expected the waves of anxiety, rage, and desperation to calm down and slowly disappear. I expected my mind to become calm and tranquil, much like an ocean without waves.
Below the Waves
Later, I realized the Calm Ocean option doesn't work as expected. I started practicing the "ocean below the waves" option. Seeing waves, I reminded myself there is a calm, unmovable ocean below them; there is some "self" under the surface, deep, deep under the surface. Waves come and waves go, but the ocean remains. Occasionally, contemplating the ocean behind led to moments of concentration where I felt detached from the world around me - I managed (and still can if I want and the circumstances are right) to "dive deep" without losing connection to reality. I still use this technique sometimes when I have hard calls at the job; it helps to respond from a perspective.
Being and Non-Being a Wave
Later again, I came to the conclusion that the Below the Waves option isn't zazen. It might be some useful concentration practice, but it's not Dogen's zazen.
What I attempt to practice now is fully accepting the waves, accepting that the "self" is the wave, but at the same time it's much much more, it's the ocean, which in turns isn't my self, it just is. So there is a wave, and I know, I'm the wave, but also I know the wave will pass and there will be another one; moreover, there is an ocean, but the waves are the ocean and the ocean is the waves while still there are waves.
Being a wave (and the ocean at the same time), but not being attached to the wave, letting it come and letting it go.
Gassho
satlah
Hokuu
I just wanted to share a few thoughts about how my zazen practice evolved over time. I will be using the "ocean and waves" metaphor; while I understand that it's not perfect, I don't have a better way to put the experience into words at the moment.
Calm Ocean
When I started practicing zazen regularly 2 years ago, I thought about zazen in terms of "sit long enough and the waves will subside". I expected the waves of anxiety, rage, and desperation to calm down and slowly disappear. I expected my mind to become calm and tranquil, much like an ocean without waves.
Below the Waves
Later, I realized the Calm Ocean option doesn't work as expected. I started practicing the "ocean below the waves" option. Seeing waves, I reminded myself there is a calm, unmovable ocean below them; there is some "self" under the surface, deep, deep under the surface. Waves come and waves go, but the ocean remains. Occasionally, contemplating the ocean behind led to moments of concentration where I felt detached from the world around me - I managed (and still can if I want and the circumstances are right) to "dive deep" without losing connection to reality. I still use this technique sometimes when I have hard calls at the job; it helps to respond from a perspective.
Being and Non-Being a Wave
Later again, I came to the conclusion that the Below the Waves option isn't zazen. It might be some useful concentration practice, but it's not Dogen's zazen.
What I attempt to practice now is fully accepting the waves, accepting that the "self" is the wave, but at the same time it's much much more, it's the ocean, which in turns isn't my self, it just is. So there is a wave, and I know, I'm the wave, but also I know the wave will pass and there will be another one; moreover, there is an ocean, but the waves are the ocean and the ocean is the waves while still there are waves.
Being a wave (and the ocean at the same time), but not being attached to the wave, letting it come and letting it go.
Gassho
satlah
Hokuu
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