Letting Go is not Letting Go

[Shui_Di]

Here I want to share something from my experience today doing Zazen during my sickness.

I get Hand Mouth Foot Disease, (Fever with Sore throat, and many painful bubble with water inside on your hand and feet, make you difficult to speak, eat, walking, or graping something with your hand. Difficult to think too, since when the fever is high, we can get dizzy and headache)

However, it is also a great experience to sit with all the pain, although I am not sitting upright, since I am too weak to do that, but the point is I just find the "comfortable" position and drop the body and mind. Shikantaza.

When I sit, the first experience is I am telling my self that I am just sitting. Here I am sitting watching all the painful experience. But I feel so suffered. it is so painful like shallowing glasses, even when I drink my own saliva. But I just sit with that. The feeling is like "I am sitting here" and the pain is "dancing overthere". But the pain is dancing so bad and ugly. I was soooo disturbed with that, eventhough I keep TRYING to let it be just as it is.

Trying trying trying... Untill it was so painful both of my sore throat and also my mind.

So this sitting man went grazy, and he "stood up" and started to dance together with the pain. Rather sitting watching this ugly dance, he decided to dance together with the pain, follow its rhythm, and made the dance enjoyful for him.

So letting go is not staying a away from it, but to be with it. When there is no separation between the self and the experience. All is already dropped even nothing is dropped. This is the reality itself. We just sit.

Gassho, Mujo
Stlah

[Shinshi]

Here I want to share something from my experience today doing Zazen during my sickness.

I get Hand Mouth Foot Disease, (Fever with Sore throat, and many painful bubble with water inside on your hand and feet, make you difficult to speak, eat, walking, or graping something with your hand. Difficult to think too, since when the fever is high, we can get dizzy and headache)

However, it is also a great experience to sit with all the pain, although I am not sitting upright, since I am too weak to do that, but the point is I just find the "comfortable" position and drop the body and mind. Shikantaza.

When I sit, the first experience is I am telling my self that I am just sitting. Here I am sitting watching all the painful experience. But I feel so suffered. it is so painful like shallowing glasses, even when I drink my own saliva. But I just sit with that. The feeling is like "I am sitting here" and the pain is "dancing overthere". But the pain is dancing so bad and ugly. I was soooo disturbed with that, eventhough I keep TRYING to let it be just as it is.

Trying trying trying... Untill it was so painful both of my sore throat and also my mind.

So this sitting man went grazy, and he "stood up" and started to dance together with the pain. Rather sitting watching this ugly dance, he decided to dance together with the pain, follow its rhythm, and made the dance enjoyful for him.

So letting go is not staying a away from it, but to be with it. When there is no separation between the self and the experience. All is already dropped even nothing is dropped. This is the reality itself. We just sit.

Gassho, Mujo
Stlah

Hi Mujo,

Hope you heal up fast, that sounds like a nasty illness. I will sit Metta for you tonight.

Thank you for sharing your story, that is a wonderful insight. It is so interesting to me that often when we push through a difficult experience it can be more illuminating than when things are easy and going well.

Dance on my brother, dance on!

Gassho,

Shinshi

[Houzan]

Thank you! The “radical” in radical equanimity. Letting go also of letting go.

Hope you get better soon.

Gassho, Hōzan
satlah

[Onkai]

Thank you for sharing your experience and practice, Mujo. Your story is inspiring - a way to bring practice to meet suffering. I hope you feel better soon and I'm sending metta. Deep bows to you.

Gassho Onkai
Sat lah

[Shui_Di]

Thank you for every one's kindness.

Gassho, Mujo

[Seiko]

We just sit.

Thank you Mujo, I always look forward to reading your posts. Much metta for your recovery.

Gasshō, Seiko, stlah

[Jundo]

Thank you, Mujo, Shui Di, a very wise teaching.

I also hope that this was an illness not recently. Are you feeling better now?

Gassho, J
stlah

[Shui_Di]

Thank you, Mujo, Shui Di, a very wise teaching.

I also hope that this was an illness not recently. Are you feeling better now?

Gassho, J
stlah

Hi Jundo Roshi,

Now I am getting a bit better, the fever is not as high as before. But the pain in the throat,, hand and feet still remain.

I am receiving teaching from Buddha right now. The truth of suffering.

Gassho, Mujo
Stlah

[Steve Rossiter]

Thank you Mujo for sharing and providing wisdom even while suffering. I will sit with your healing in mind. Gassho, SatLAH

[Tairin]

Metta for you Mujo and for all who are suffering with disease and illness. Good that you can find something in this to help your Practice. Your perspective is inspiring.


Tairin
sat today and lah

[Furyu]

Thank you for sharing that insight with us, Mujo. I will think of you when reciting metta. I hope you get well quickly.


Furyu
satlah